Posted 4/15/2016 4:19 AM (GMT 0)
I've had the same house for 24 years. My entire life. It's been my safe space through my parent's divorce, every anxiety and panic attack, every heart break, every smile, every friend, love, party, Christmas tree, etc. I've been really blessed to have such a beautiful home that I was able to come home to every night. For the past 3 years, my partner and I have been living here mostly by ourselves...taking over things, while my mom stays with her boyfriend most days who lives near by, but when she's home a few nights a week, we have a routine. I go down the long hallway to her bedroom, sit on her bed, and we talk. Or we read side by side. It's our time. It's a time where we really connect in our busy lives. In a few months, she will be moving in with her boyfriend permanently, and while my partner and I would love to stay in the house, my mom has decided to rent it out, and my partner and I will find an apartment elsewhere for a couple years until we're ready to fully commit to being homeowners. It's not a permanent goodbye, but a while apart. I'll miss my house, my room, my comfort, but most of all, I'll miss the time with my mom. It won't be the same, and I won't get those private, simple, lovable moments with her in her room anymore. Or at least not for a while. It will be different, and I will have to spend time with her in a new space-- whether it be mine, or her boyfriends. And I know it won't be as frequent as we wish it to be, because we both have lives and obligations. And I know she wants me to grow, and go live my life, but her and I have always been attached at the hip, and inseparable, and we will miss each other. And it hurts to think about, and as per usual, makes me anxious...
Just wanted to express. Heavy heart tonight.