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Moving out with anxiety

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Posted 7/29/2016 12:54 AM (GMT 0)
Good evening! I hope someone can relate to this post or can offer some wisdom.

I'm 23 and a grad student. Only child, very independent. I'm finally moving out of my parents' house. One housing opportunity fell through (decided it wasn't a good environment with this one girl) and now moving has become an imminent threat as I've reconnected with another friend who's already been looking for apartments and hopes to move next month. I believe it's time for me to leave the nest. I'm financially independent and was totally prepared to move into my own place last year after I graduated and still had my onwards-and-upwards momentum going for me. But...things fell through. And now I'm terrified. My best friend is graduating from another university and we don't know where she's going or what she's going to do. We're pretty codependent but I'm scared I need her more than she'll ever need me. I'm dreading the day of her graduation more than I've dreaded anything in a long, long time.

I don't know if it's the same for everyone, but anxiety for me is one big Schroedinger festival. I want to see friends, I want to stay alone. I want to go out, I want to stay in. I want to move on, I want to stay put, with every fiber of my being, intensely and confusingly. The only thing constant is that there's this feeling like when you're running back up from your basement or across your yard at night. Nothing's there but you run because you FEEL like there are monsters waiting for you just out of sight that will get you. I feel like if I stop running, if I stop to take a breath and look around, that I will crash and burn.

It's only truly awful in summer. I've come to realize that my GAD can more appropriately be considered SAD, where the summer makes me feel crazy and out of control but being cold and uncomfortable in January is awesome for my psychological wellbeing. Moving out of my parents' house is symbolically and physically me moving out of my old sphere and comfortable ways. Without worrying about what my family thinks or stressing about explaining things to them, I plan on taking my mental health to the next level. My roommate also suffers from anxiety and sees a doctor for it, so I'll be with someone who gets it.


Sorry for the novel!
Posted 7/29/2016 3:46 AM (GMT 0)
HC,

You are at a big crossroads which can be both extremely exciting, and pretty scary!

It seems like you could do with some real soul searching...and asking some questions in regard to your decision.

For example:

*How much of this is simply 'cold feet'? It is normal to vacillate somewhat over a major decision such as this.

*Is your anxiety managed to a point of being able to make this move a reality? Being financially ready isn't the whole equation...

...and finally...

*Would it be worth waiting until the end of Summer to do this...to ensure the most post I've outcome...when you aren't feeling your most anxious?

You'll make the right decision. ..when the time is right! .:)

Best wishes and keep us updated!

S.C.
Posted 7/29/2016 8:19 AM (GMT 0)
Hi

Great input from SC.

Moving out of your parents is a big thing I can remember that I felt very anxious but as you say your room mate also has anxiety so you can help each other.

Keep us posted.

Hibee
Posted 7/29/2016 9:34 PM (GMT 0)
Hi all,

Thank you for your very kind input. I feel like most of the over-20 adults in my life have no clue how a normally stressful event like moving can turn into a catastrophe with an anxiety disorder. Mostly the thing that's gnawing at me are negotiations. My friend and I communicate in very different ways (she's coquettish and sideways until she gets her way, I negotiate in straight, clear language). I'm pretty sure I intimidate her more than a little bit so she gets kind of squirrely.

I think if I have a roommate and a good place to live, moving out would be the right choice. I have lived away from my parents before and compared to starting university 1800 miles away, this should be small potatoes (keyword: should). Most of my household stuff is still in boxes and I know it will feel so good to finally have space to unpack and use it. I know it will feel good to change my environment up enough to see what shakes loose and resettles. Even if she for some reason has to leave in six months, I will still have my own place and I'm sure I can scrounge up a housemate from our new batch of first years or through friends. I know I will feel empowered.

Thank you so much. Being a part of this community has never failed to better my day and outlook on tomorrow.
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