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If it's not one thing it's another...dilemma

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Posted 10/20/2016 1:58 AM (GMT 0)
It's been a while since I've posted or really even been on the site. I have been doing a little better. Still trying to wean off lamictal. Not easy to do by the way! Well my mom got sick with stage 2 breast cancer this year and she just finished chemo and is starting radiation. I live 10 hours away from my parents. I just found out my dad had a heart attack. It was caught very early that it did not damage his heart but he needs a double bypass for clogged arteries. He's 52! I'm in my mid twenties and I have no idea how to handle this I wanna go home for his surgery but my dad said not to because he doesn't want me to lose my job. But I've had anxiety my whole life and some bouts with depression and I didn't have friends really growing up it was always me and my parents. Well my husband being the ignorant jerk that he can be is like "your dad said don't come!" "I can't just put in a leave request for work..well I can but I thought you said we'do wait it out" Then proceeded to tell me that I can't make decisions and that I'm incapable of doing anything by myself and that I should just go without him and that if my anxiety gets bad just pull over. So he's yelling at me and putting me down while all of this is going on and that's not how a spouse is supposed to be and that's his father in law too so it's family and he's just being really effing selfish! I was doing good but I'm a mess again and just took about 4 steps back and idk what to do
Should I respect my dad's wishes and not go back for his surgery or should I just say screw you all and go. Oh and my husband also said I'd probably just stress my dad out and it would be better if I wasn't there anyways
...sorry for the long rant.
Posted 10/20/2016 2:13 AM (GMT 0)
I'm so sorry your parents are having a tough time health wise. That's a tough spot to be in. And I'm also so sorry your husband doesn't seem to be very supportive at the moment.

I think the best thing to do would have another talk with you Mom and Dad - explain to them that you'd really like to be there, and that it's not a stressor on you. Have a real honest discussion and see if you can come to an agreement. You'll feel better either way if you guys all are on the same page about the plan.

Also, don't forget to take care of yourself. Work on your relaxation techniques, exercise, or whatever you need to do to de-stress. Then you can best formulate a plan to deal with your parents' situation.

Strength!
Posted 10/20/2016 4:22 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Rcg and welcome back. ..

Although I am so sorry to hear it is due to going through this tough decision. :(

I think I remember you went through a similar situation when your mom had her surgery, yes?

...and I think you made the decision to go?

Looking back, how do you feel about the choice? Are you glad you went? (or did not go?)

Would you or your husband actually lose your job if you were to make the trip? Would you regret not going, sometime later down the line?

Asking yourself these questions, and making a list of the pros and cons may help.

Either way...I am sending positive thoughts and prayers for you, your folks...and whichever choice you ultimately make.

We are here to support you, so post anytime.

S.C
Posted 10/20/2016 4:28 AM (GMT 0)
My parents didnt tell me until after my mom's surgery that she was sick so I didn't get a choice in the matter unfortunately. So I waited until her last chemo treatment and went home and surprised her. No neither of us would lose our jobs if we went. I just feel like this is different I know my dad's having surgery and he's been in the hospital since Sunday..they finally decided to tell me on Monday night which I don't know why they keep doing that. But I feel like I should be there sitting in the hospital with him and not just going about my day like everything is ok. I asked my husband how he'd feel if the roles were reversed because he's being extremely insensitive and it's making everything worse.
Posted 10/20/2016 4:49 AM (GMT 0)
Oh, that was it...I couldn't quite remember the circumstance, but I knew it was something...

It really sounds like you want to go...:(

...if your hubs can't or wont take you, do you have a sibling or trusted friend that could?

S.C
Posted 10/20/2016 7:36 AM (GMT 0)
Hi

Welcome back to the forum but sorry to hear about your parents health.

I would say if you can get the time off work then you should go id that's what you want to do and as SC said is there a friend or relative that could go with you?

Hibee
Posted 10/20/2016 8:18 AM (GMT 0)
That is a difficult one.
Because as we all know anxiety doesn't always let us have rational thoughts.
Saying that If you can i would go with your parents wishes , As a parent i like to deal with stuff myself and not worry my kids. Could that be why they are not telling you everything?

Have a proper discussion with them and perhaps make arrangements to go after the surgery when he is home and you can all have quality time together ..
Just a thought.. I hope you dont mind me putting my twopenneth in xx
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