Anxiety Or Schizophrenia?

Hi everyone.

This may be quite long but I would appreciate any feedback.

Around last May (2015) I was overcome with a fear of noise - Basically I woke up one morning and out of the blue I was scared, frightened by normal sounds, anything from a boiling kettle to a car horn. For some reason I was convinced that these "everyday" noises were voices, even though I knew it wasn't voices I still had this overwhelming fear of it being voices, I was convinced that it was the onset of schizophrenia. I eventually went to my doctor and she diagnosed me as having "acute noise anxiety". She prescribed me medication that I didn't ever take because one of the side effects was a possible chance of increased anxiety. I was scared to take the tablets. Since then I have battled on taking each day as it comes with no medication or counselling.

I have good days where I will manage my anxiety better and then I have periods of time where I am on edge, consumed with worry and find myself in a vicious circle of fear. If I'm busy or occupied with something else I don't feel as bad and when my anxiety takes hold I try my hardest to rationalise and distract - I tell myself over and over that it's not schizophrenia but I am scared that it is.

I have friends, I am socialable, I look after my appearance, I've had long term relationships, I am close with family/friends, I've worked, I have hobbies, I have an interest in life etc etc so I don't display any of the typical schizophrenia symptoms in terms of being withdrawn etc and I am not depressed and have never experienced suicidal thoughts or paranoid delusions but I am obsessed with the worry of schizophrenia.

Until very recently I was afraid to even say the word or see it anywhere in the media for example because if I heard about schizophrenia it would trigger an anxiety attack.

However I was talking to a girl on another mental health forum and she was saying about the symptoms of schizophrenia - Her words have consumed me for over a week now to the point that today I couldn't stop myself from going onto Google and searching the symptoms.

Bad idea, very bad idea. However, out of all of the dozens of recognised symptoms of schizophrenia I "only" have four - Anxiety, trouble falling asleep, smoking cigarettes and rehearsing conversations.

I have always been certain that my doctors were wrong when they've told me it was anxiety as I was sure anxiety was a sign of the onset of schizophrenia and now it seems I was right and it petrifies me. Also the thing about rehearsing conversations - Ever since I was a child I have always had pretend chats in my head. When I was young (maybe around 10) I would sometimes role play and pretend I was a teacher, a dancer, whatever profession I happened to aspire to be as an adult. I stopped doing this type of role playing a long time ago but I have always had chats in my head where I will rehearse what I will say to someone or think what they will say to me. Sometimes I will invent scenarios that will never happen and will practice what I would say and imagine what the other person will say to me - Like a friend or a family member. This isn't normal is it?? Sometimes if I'm out walking or maybe waiting for a bus or even just sat at home I will have pretend conversations in my head and sometimes if I meet someone and like them I may at times imagine having conversations with them (in my head). Is this schizophrenia?

The last 18 months that I have been battling anxiety I never once considered the fact that the conversations I have in my head may be a sign of onset schizophrenia, I should have realised but I didn't. The conversations that I have in my own head I never believe them, for example I don't actually think oh this conversation might actually happen. They are just normal conversations as in nothing bad, just normal stuff. It's Sunday and I won't be able to get a doctor's appointment for probably over a week to ask my doctor, does anyone have any input on what I'm saying?

As for trouble sleeping, I find it hard to switch off my brain and the sound of my breathing scares me at times because I over think and my fear takes over and I get scared of hearing voices. I do however eventually fall asleep 3 or 4 hours later, I do sleep. In 18 months I have never actually heard any voices or had any hallucinations, I just worry what if I do hear voices or what if I start to hallucinate or what if I start to become paranoid or delusional.

I also read that people with schizophrenia have a tendency to be smokers (apparently around 70% are smokers) - I smoke, I started when I was 16 as my friends were smoking (stopped at 19) and only started again when I was about 23, I'm 31 now - Is this relevant do you think, do I crave nicotine because I have the onset of schizophrenia?

I know I must sound weird to anyone reading this and I apologise for that, I'm just scared and I suppose looking for reassurance. I don't want to be schizophrenic, I would rather be dead than have it (although I am not suicidal).

I'm not depressed and I don't dislike life; I love life, I just battle with this anxiety (if that is what it is) but as hard as it is I have not allowed it to isolate me, I still enjoy doing things even when it's difficult.

Am I having the onset of schizophrenia do you think? I know it's impossible for any of you to give me a definite answer when you don't know me and this is the internet but could someone please please please give me an idea what you think.

Hi Just Curious, thanks for the reply.

Oh I'm sorry about your dad, I hope he's doing well now. I don't have any family history of schizophrenia but I can't beat the thought of having it, it consumes my every thought.

Hey Tim Tam, thanks so much for your reply.

The mad thing is that I am aware that people with schizophrenia do not recognise that they are unwell. I know that people suffering from the illness see nothing wrong with how they think/feel and I also know that I can acknowledge that my thought pattern is wrong. I know that how I think is the root of the problem- I am very much aware of the reality and yet I can't stop the fear from manifesting.

If I had schizophrenia I wouldn't be on here asking if I had it, right that's the logic and I agree but what if it's just the onset as opposed to full blown schizophrenia at this stage, would I question it or would I be oblivious?

I'm really worried about my tendency to rehearse conversations. Do you have any insight on that please? Also isn't sensitivity to noise a symptom of schizophrenia? And noise is basically my issue, any and every noise, even my own breathing can send me into a panicked and highly frightened state because I will question "Was that a voice?"

In my rational mind I believe that a person with any degree of schizophrenia would NOT question, they would automatically believe because their disorder has in essence programmed them to believe what they think they hear/see/think - Whereas I do question. My worry is that one day I will stop questioning.

I literally live each day with the anticipation of hearing voices/hallucinating - From the moment I wake until the moment I fall asleep I expect to suffer some sort of paranoid episode. It's been 18 months since this all started and I haven't heard voices or hallucinated but the worry of it happening never goes away.

I am currently caring for an elderly relative with mobility problems - and I do try to occupy myself with painting etc. I do try to help myself, I've cut out all caffeine, all refined sugar, I've recently started taking magnesium supplements and I am going to buy "rescue remedy" this week to see if it has any positive effects. I will be going back to see my doctor as soon as an appointment becomes available. I guess I just want reassurance that it isn't schizophrenia and that it won't become schizophrenia.

Hi Lady,

As others have said above, it seems pretty clear that you have a severe health anxiety that has manifested itself in the form of fear of schizophrenia. Some folks worry about heart problems, some worry about cancer... you just happen to worry about schizophrenia. It seems you may have obsessive/intrusive thoughts that you can't seem to shake. This is also very common with anxiety.

Truly though, know that you do not have to suffer. It is great you talked to your doctor about this a while ago. Medication is very often the first line of defense with something like this - often an SSRI like Zoloft, Paxil, Prozac, etc. What did your doctor recommend you take? It sounds like it's time to make another appointment to discuss the developments and discuss the medications more in depth so he can ease your fears. It is VERY nerve wracking to start medication, but remember, you lose nothing by trying as you can always stop, and have a world to gain.

I'd also suggest trying to find a therapist or counselor to talk to. Talk therapy is an effective form of anxiety management, and therapy + medication is extremely effective for most people.

You are doing a good thing by reaching out for help. Sending you strength and bravery for taking the next step of meeting with your doctor again.

For one thing, you say,

"Around last May (2015) I was overcome with a fear of noise - Basically I woke up one morning and out of the blue I was scared, frightened by normal sounds, anything from a boiling kettle to a car horn."

You add: "I eventually went to my doctor and she diagnosed me as having "acute noise anxiety". She prescribed me medication that I didn't ever take because one of the side effects was a possible chance of increased anxiety. I was scared to take the tablets. Since then I have battled on taking each day as it comes with no medication or counselling."

I think you need to try and take that medicine. What is it, an anti-anxiety?

Here is what happened with me and medicine one time. I got a new psychiatrist, who didn't give a hoot about her patients .Through her careless attitude and a mix-up or two on my part, I got off my meds. Right. Big Mistake.

From being off meds, I had an anxiety attack. To stop the anxiety attack, I took too many meds too soon, and it "popped" by already sensitive to noise ears.

From that I was terrified to take my medicines, thinking it would make my ears pop again. Oh, no. So I went without meds for pretty long time, and my brain was suffering from that.

I realized later what I should have done.

I had read where when you start a new medicine, you should consider not taking the entire pill. You should consider cutting it in half, we'll say. That way, if you're going to have a reaction to the new medicine, you'll only have half the reaction.

So what should I have done about overcoming my fear of taking one of my medicines to try and slowing get back onto them? I should have cut the Lithium pill for manic-depression in half.

If I didn't fall over from that, wait a certain number of hours and take the 2nd half of the pill. See?

It's not an all or nothing situation.

My thinking in your situation is the same thing. Why don't you take one-half of the pill the doctor gave you, for anxiety we'll say, and see what happens. If it doesn't cause anxiety in a few hours or more, you'll see that it's not negatively affecting you.

If it is neg. affecting you, don't take it anymore.

Some pills you may even cut into 1/3 or 1/4. It might be nothing but a bunch of powder, but it doesn't matter. It's a test pill. To get you over your fear of the pill.

I think you have to get calmed down. You went to the doctor for help, she gave you help, then you don't take the help.

So you still need help. It's sitting there on your nightstand. It's just that you won't take it.

Again, I think you need to get calmed down to deal with this issue.

What do you think?

Hi SL,

I am so glad to hear that you have an appointment. ..and that you are alright after your scary experience yesterday!

I know how challenging this is...but you are taking the steps necessary to gain your recovery...so be hopeful!

Let us know how your appointment goes. ..and until then, practice the skills from our Resources! :)

We are cheering you on. :)

S.C.

I know exactly how it started; I was reading in bed one night last May, a book I couldn't put down and eventually drifted off to sleep - I woke up shortly after thinking I had heard someone call my name. I didn't think much of it and went back to sleep.

The next morning I woke up and had this sense of fear and dread. I couldn't complete my usual routine - For example I would normally put the TV on for the morning news but when I did that I was alarmed by all of the noise. I couldn't cope with the shower, as the water sounded like sharpened ice being dragged across my skull. I couldn't boil the kettle because the sound was too much to bare. Everything just felt overwhelming.

So I remember sitting down at one point that day and trying to calm myself; I tried to breathe and rationalise and then I tried to distract myself with a book but I couldn't do it. I was sat in silence at this point but the sound of my breathing caused me to be frightened - Every breath that I could hear I was questioning if whether it was my breathing or a voice.

I couldn't relax, I couldn't be calm, all I felt was fear and uncertainty. This continued right up to July when I first went to see my doctor.

As for my childhood - I was raised well, with a loving family, I don't have any family issues. I have siblings and nieces/nephews. I have good parents. As a teenager I was quiet but did well at school etc. As an adult I have always been confident and outgoing. I have interests and hobbies, I've had long term relationships, I have friends etc.

Before May last year that's exactly how I was; confident, socialable, outgoing. I was 29 (nearly 30) when it started. I had never suffered from mental health issues before.

I don't have a family history of schizophrenia but I do have an aunt (on my dad's side) who became mentally unwell in her early 20's after losing her husband and unborn baby but I don't know what it was that she was actually diagnosed with. And to be honest I try not to think of her because it only adds fuel to my already burning fear of mental illness.

I was stressed prior to this all starting and since it all started I'm even more stressed now because of the constant worrying and feeling anxious.

I do acknowledge though that my stress prior to May 2015 was pretty much self inflicted because I was in a relationship that had really reached its natural conclusion but I kept prolonging the agony of it - Daily arguments, long stressful phone calls, fighting, crying, going over old ground repeatedly, all because I didn't want to hurt him by ending things so I stressed myself out for a few months trying to fix something for his benefit. Through it all it would be fair to say that I felt pretty isolated because I was too worked up to bother much with friends.

So I was stressed before it and still stressed since it; Which in turn could mean it is the onset of schizophrenia because you said stress can bring it on in some people... Oh my, now I have latched on to that one point despite all of the other positive and logical things you have said.

I've done this to myself then.

Hi
Supafunk hit the nail on the head, Everyone with health anxiety latches on to something it can be a different fear for anyone.
I recently had gall stones but in my head i had pancreatic cancer and i didnt want to die... I just got over that when it settled down, when i got a throat and ear infection this affected my balance in my anxious state i was convinced i had a brain tumour... All irrational fears which have now settled down.

However it has left me with constant anxiety for which i am using all the coping skills the lovely people on this site advised and they do work, My Irrational fears have all gone and the anxiety is lessoning but i do have to do the coping tips regularly.
Try going on mood gym (its in the resource center) If your up to it x

good luck and i hope things start to improve soon 😊

Tim Tam I agree that I was stressed in the lead up to May; I acknowledge that I was worked up, analysing, over thinking and now I think back on it I recall at least three occasions where I was displaying physical symptoms of anxiety - Chest pains and feeling like I couldn't breathe, which at the time I didn't attribute to anxiety at all. I have in recent months accepted that my chest pains, neck pain, tingling in my head and hands is all likely due to anxiety and yet I can't accept that my thoughts are anxiety fuelled. A contradiction in itself I know.

I agree with you that the situation I was in triggered what I am going through now, I do concede on that.

As for signs of schizophrenia I don't have delusions, hallucinations, my speech is not disorganised, I don't have an abnormal pattern of movement, and I don't neglect my personal hygiene.

As for things that possibly increase the risk of schizophrenia I don't have a family history (not that I am aware of anyway), I don't think there's any thing wrong with my immune system ( I get the occasional cold, and I had an abscess a little while ago which healed quickly with antibiotics), my dad was older when he had me (38 and my mum 35), there were no birth or pregnancy complications, but I did experiment with drugs when I was 16 (with an older boyfriend), it was brief on and off for a few months, and I never took any more drugs after that - That means I am at risk doesn't it???? Loads of people must have experimented though, they can't all be schizophrenic though surely.... Taking the drugs never affected me in later life though, I was never depressed or suicidal or anything like that. So because I tried drugs in my teen years coupled with the stress and anxiety of the last 18 months, could it be the onset of schizophrenia and will my "what if" worries descend into paranoid delusions???? My what ifs entail constantly running over in my mind an array of possibilities for example "What if I start thinking the TV is trying to communicate with me?", " What if I start thinking someone is after me?" Etc. I don't actually think any of this, it's just that I think "what if" it happens.

I'm sure I am doing your head in with my barrage of questions but can you please answer this latest reply for me please.

Hi Blu's and Gilly, thanks for your words - I hope you're both right. And yes I have started the MoodGym modules but so far a lot of it seems to be geared towards depression (Which I don't have) and issues surrounding self esteem and the need for approval (I don't have self esteem concerns and I accepted a long time ago that no one in life receives approval from everyone or for everything) but I will stick at the modules and see if I can in the least pick up some tips on positive mechanisms for controlling better my thought pattern.

I know that I am a good person, I have no doubts about that. Admittedly I have made mistakes in life and have likely said or done things at times that have caused hurt to others (as we all have) but I have never dwelled on that as it is human nature, it's the way we are, we hurt people, we love people, that's life.

I don't feel any guilt for ending the relationship - I did at the time initially feel burdened by having to be the one to do the breaking up but it didn't consume me in the aftermath. He's not someone I think about now, we had our moment in life together and I closed the chapter on that at the time. Equally I don't blame myself for the end of the relationship, it had to be done, end of.

I do not want to die - I love the life I have (or in the least I loved the life I had before anxiety came along) and I want that life back again. I have a lot to live for and a lot to be thankful for.

I accept you are right with regard stress being the trigger for the anxiety and now anxiety continues to cause me stress.

I further accept that I was foolish when I didn't take the medication the doctor gave me last Summer (I should have given it a try at the very least and then maybe I'd be in a better place mentally now), I made a mistake obviously by being scared to try.

However in recent times I have tried alternative means to help myself - I have recently started on Magnesium tablets, B12 tablets (and thinking also of getting Rescue Remedy to try) I have cut out all caffeine, all refined sugar, I have been reading POSITIVE things online and trying to stay away from looking at negative topics (although sometimes the urge to look gets the better of me) and I have asked on this forum (and another similar forum) for advice from people who are battling in similar ways to myself - In short I really do try to help myself.

As stated previously also I will be going back to my doctor next Wednesday and taking whatever she gives me. I will also ask her to refer me to a specialist.

I'm doing what I can. The incident with the car was not intentional, it was due to my mind racing thinking of an illness that everyone says I do not have and I hope A) I don't have it, B) I will grow to accept I don't have it, C) I will never get it and D) From this day forward I will try to embrace more positive coping mechanisms than I have previously.

The last 18 months I have merely dealt with it on a fleeting basis, masked it and waited for it to implode again but now I want to (and will) address it productively.

Thank you so much for all of the time and effort you have put in to replying to me, I genuinely do appreciate it. I'll let you know how I get on at my doctor's when I go next week.

OK, so you don’t feel guilty about ending the relationship. That's good.

I thought there was a tie-in between something that happened in your life and the beginning of this concern out of the blue that you had a difficult disease.

You said, “I accept you are right with regard stress being the trigger for the anxiety and now anxiety continues to cause me stress.”

So “stress being the trigger” to this new development of you thinking you have a difficult disease. Where is the stress coming from?

What started the stress? Did your stress quickly increase, or was it a gradual thing over months, and it built to such a level that it caused this problem?

There’s things going on in your personal life that no one else knows about. Was it something like that? Was it when you broke up with your boyfriend, you’re now in between boyfriends, and that’s stress?

Do you work and that causes stress, do you not work and that causes stress?

You said, “The last 18 months I have merely dealt with it on a fleeting basis, masked it and waited for it to implode again but now I want to (and will) address it productively.”

You know more than you’re saying.

There appears to be no stress, but you know that there is, is a guess as to, “Where is this coming from?”

You’re being evasive. I’m guessing at all of these things and you’re just sitting there, but you’re not offering anything, you’re simply saying, “No, that’s not it.” You have the most knowledge but you’re not saying anything.

You said you suddenly got sensitivity to noise (hyperacusis, which I have), which I’ve been told is caused by noise or medicine, or the combination.

I thought it might be the medicine, but then you said you never did take the medicines that the doctor gave you, so that wasn’t it.

But you did get a sudden increase to noise sensitivity. I don’t know how that occurred. You’re not around noise, you’re not taking medicine. That’s as mysterious as to where the stress is coming from.

Do you still have sound sensitivity? Can you drive a car? I can’t because of the noise, but I can ride in one in the backseat. Can you use a hair dryer, a vacuum cleaner?

Do you have ringing in the ears, which is part of hyperacusis?