Axiety - and health obsessions

Hello everybody First of all my name is Ovidiu and i'm 23 years old and i'm sorry for my bad english .
I want to tell you my whole story , maybe you can give me any advices .
My journey started one year ago . I was laid on my bed smoking an cigarette when suddenly i felt like i'm having a heart attack ( that was my first real panic attack ) . I was so scared that i went to hospital , but they just ran some tests and let me go home without giving me even a pill or something . The good news was that i was aware what is happening to me and i have a psychological problem . In the next days i experienced huge fears like i'm gonna lose control , asking stupid question in my brain like "what if i lose control and harm myself ". I started to believe that all this happens because i had many stress in that period , i started to acknowledge that i'm not immortal because i had some health issues just before the first panic attack to appear , and one more thing that i think affected my condition was that i started to leave alone , without family and no one to wait you and home and just ask you "how was your day". All this things i managed to realize in the next days after the panic attack . And i started to believe i need some external help . I went to visit a psychiatrist and Psychologist . The first one after i told him all my inner feelings gave me some antidepressants ( Cipralex ) and calming pills( Bromozepam , this one he told me to take only if i will have another attack) . I think this helped me a lot . I took this antidepressants almost 8 months . My psychologist couldn't help me a lot because all the problems i got i was aware , and i knew that i have to solve them in order to be better . I had to start say so what if i die , so what if i stay alone in the house , so what ... but it wasn't that easy.
After this 8 months of feeling better , not because my inner improved that much , i think it was because of antidepressants . And i started to be aware that they will do my job instead to do it . So i started to lower the dose like my doctor told me . I experienced fears, headaches, dizziness and much more . It took me almost 2 months to quit them for good . I stopped taking antidepressants at the end of February .
Now come the awesome part . I moved to a new appartment , i had some health issues again . And guess what who came back . Im obssesd with my health , mostly with hearth and stomach . I started to read more about self development , anxiety but if you have any advice please tell me . I dont want to take again pills because what i managed to learn is that they wont help you on long term , and get them all of your life isnt a solution .
Thanks in advance .

Thank you for replaying my message . I started doing moodgym program . Ill come back with what changed with me .

Hello everybody . I came back here with new information about how i feel.
After i wrote this post , i started to read a lot and decided to stop trigger anger even a glass will fall on the floor and will break . In this case now i try to think "so what if will fall and shatter , i will clean and move on". After i managed to calm myself for every bad thing that happened and take it in a positive way , im feeling way better.
Also i started to fill my free time with different activities , tennis, gym, go out with friends ... i have to admit after doing this i didn't had any time left to invest in documenting myself about anxiety.
When i wrote this post i complained about anxiety pain which i start to think is because i start to realize that im not immortal ( somehow whenever i'm sick i start to feel anxiety). With the help of time and if i manage to keep myself calm and won't trigger me for nothing i think i can learn to control the fear of dying and start to have an "so what mood".

Also i think i will try to like Jim Carrey in his movie Yes Man , say yes as many i can to whatever i propose to do , or others ask me to do . I think the regret of not doing something is bigger than the one of doing something .


Looking forward to see your opinions about my thoughts and progress.

Post Edited (OvidiuM) : 7/2/2017 2:39:28 PM (GMT-6)

Hello again . First of all i hope you're all good.

I wanted to share with you my thoughts and ask for opinions. For 2-3 weeks i started to feel abdominal pain, stomach acid , bloating and because of this my nearby organs started to feel discomfort. My mood is starting to be bad , after i come from work i feel like i don't want to move a singer finger ... just stay on my couch and do something. My stomach and abdominal muscles are starting to party ... i'm scared of having duodenal ulcer , i'm aware that stress can make such things .

I know in the last post i said im feeling better . Actually right now i managed to stop hearth palpitation and some other physical symptoms . But i feel like i manage to stop worry about one part of my body and after a while the problems move to other part . Im just curious if i will manage to resolve worries about all my body parts what anxiety will do ? Create another body part that it can break down ) ?

I also feeling a little dizzy , and when im relaxed in my bed i have a fainting sensation.

I read about some smart bracelets that can track your heartbeats and by using this number they apply some kind of algorithm which can tell your stressful moments from the day . I thinks this is good enough to see what moment of the day and which event triggers your anxiety. What do you think about this , have you ever heard about such thing? If yes, is it worth buying ?


L.E. In the past month i had some activities that implies a lot of alcohol , i went to some music festivals . Can alcohol and lack of sleep trigger my anxiety level ?

Thank you in advance !

Hello.

Lately I thought a bit to go and do again some therapy. But my problem is that i'm such a difficult person to read ... i'm a very happy person i make jokes all the time i laugh a lot , also i make fun about my condition and i think this attitude masks pretty well my "little problem" . I think it's pretty hard to find a qualified person which can see trough me ... and really understand how and when i feel how i feel. My last therapy i identified all major problems, i did pretty good. I'm feeling great around other persons and i open my heart very easy and i started to think that my character is making the doctor a little blind .

Also i think the only way of get of this problem is challenge myself and win.
This challenges are , i need self confidence ( i think a lot that for my heart to fulfill i need to have a good looking body... but i'm to lazy to stay in the gym) also i need a girlfriend ... this problem is caused by the "self-confidence/good looking body". A lot of people told me i'm good looking and beside that i'm not fat ... but my head is my head and i'll keep think that for me is important to have an 6 pack.
I'm aware that all my fear about death and anything is caused because i'm gonna die without a real girlfriend.
If you see this is a pretty bad triangle .... self-confidence -> no girlfriend -> die alone
This girlfriend problem wouldn't be such a big deal if i wouldn't be such a pretentious person when i think about a girl ( i just like beautiful girls with nice shapes, lets say that) . My conceptions are very harmful i know, but its how i developed myself (i think a person which is fat doesn't have respect for himself , and that's why i also disrespect myself , because i have a bloody belly )

I hope i didn't offended someone but i say all of this things , maybe someone can give me the arguments which i need to see from other perspective .

Thanks in advance ,

Thank you . I feel a lot of relief everytime i read your response . I'm so greatful that i found this place with such nice people. Thank you very much

Hello again everybody.

I experience new feelings , and i just want to tell you about this and ask for your opinion .

Last 2 months i started to have a stiff neck and back pain and i found very difficult to keep my head up in a straight position because of the muscle exhaustion. Also i started to acknowledge that i started to smoke way to much , around 1 pack a day. When i was going to bed i started to have nausea which again strengthen my anxiety about my health .
I think i'm not obsessed about my health , i'm not scared about any disease instead i'm scared about the consequences like death.

I felt so bad, and i decided to change something. My sessions at psychotherapist i thing were useless ... we were speaking about rational feelings, how i should feel and that it's ok to feel something, and that wouldn't help me. I'm an rational person, i'm a IT programmer, so my reasoning is quite different then any other person. I'm starting to consider my reasoning as being harmful for myself. I even went again to an psychiatrist to ask for an opinion about my condition , maybe i should start to take pills gain. But after what we discussed she decided to not give me any medication at all, because it can be treated somehow, with much more therapy . And also she recommended me family therapy. Everyone told my that the fact that i'm very close to my mother and father, and because i moved in other town alone trigger me this anxiety.

As i said i felt like i need to change something. I decided to quit smoking, now i'm an 18 days non-smoker. Also in these time i started to see an reflexologists. In the first 12 days my anxiety was near the sky... i have around 6-7 passive panic attacks ( passive, i mean only thoughts not physical symptoms ). Now it's a little better but i'm still not very good . I don't know if it is because my massage sessions or because cigarette cravings. Also what i think raise my anxiety levels is the fact that next week i have to fly to another country ( an 1 hour flight ), and that scare me to death... i'm not feared that much of crashing as i'm feared because i know that i'm that high in the air. I managed to obtain a recipe to bring my Bromazepam 1.5mg pills with me and maybe to take an half before the flight.

I'm looking forward to any advice about my decisions, about my actual condition and also any advice about "the flight" and how could that pill help me during it

There is nothing wrong with taking anti-depressants for the rest of your life if you need to, it does not mean there is something wrong with you or that you have failed. Life is not easy that is why these medications came about to help people like you and me cope and get through it. Some people are more sensitive than others. Take the pills and forget about it you will be fine.

As for the panic attacks it is important for you to do the hard work and figure out what you are thinking about and understand the thoughts that create the panic attacks, panic attacks don't just happen we are responsible for them by the way we think, we do it to ourselves so if you can pinpoint the thoughts you can get to work on why those thoughts are creating such fear in you- talk about them with someone who understands. You will figure it out, I haven't had a panic attack in almost 20 years now. It really is ALL in our heads get it out in the open that way its out of your head and in the open so you can look closely at it from a better angle.

O.,

That is a really good analogy about the food!

Using the Therapy Worksheets from the Resources will really help you to catch these thoughts and identify the feelings. A lot of times they are so fleeting, that writing them down and using the step by step process of a worksheet helps!

S.C.