HealingWell
Search Close Search
☰

My wife of 17 years has suddenly stopped talking to me and wants to leave me

Support Forums
>
Anxiety & Panic Disorders
✚ New Topic locked
1 2 3 45 6
❬ ❬ Previous Thread |Next Thread ❭ ❭
Posted 8/16/2017 3:24 PM (GMT 0)
Sorry, I just assumed that you, your wife, daughter and brother in law had gone together.

...even so, maybe the commitment that you continue to show to her and her family will move her heart in the right direction...

S.C.
Posted 8/29/2017 4:55 PM (GMT 0)
its been 4 months now and although she talks a bit there is no significant improvement ....i am kind of giving up ....sexual frustration, anxiety , uncertainty all is building up...i am not sure what to do ..i cant blame myself anymore..i am really praying for peace
Posted 8/29/2017 5:22 PM (GMT 0)
Vkj,

Hi, I am sorry things haven't improved thus far.

You may come to the point where you need to tell her that you can't go on indefinitely without hope for a change.

If you set a time that you're comfortable with as a "Things change or we make a move to separate." line in the sand...one of two things will likely happen.

She may start come to the realization that she does want to work this out...

...or, you'll decide to make the split, and you can start to move on.

Either way you are moving in a direction, and not held in this limbo-state any longer.

However, this is a highly personal decision...and I am only throwing options out there...not recommending that you make the ultimatum.

With encouragement during this tough time,

S.C.
Posted 8/29/2017 5:34 PM (GMT 0)
i agree with you..things being in this limbo state is not helping at allbut sometimes i feel its peaceful for my daughter having her around...separation is gonna bring its own financial and emotional sorrows and never know where it will lead to...i dunno how to explain ..culture here is very different...

she doesn't spend much time at home anymore and when i tell her to work on it she just gets angry rather than understanding what i am trying to say
Posted 8/29/2017 6:16 PM (GMT 0)
I totally understand what you are saying in regards to your daughter...

...my thoughts are with you in this.

May you find a peaceful resolution.

S.C.
Posted 8/30/2017 4:37 PM (GMT 0)
i am feeling very anxious and depressed today ..after the psychiatrist said the same thing what u said
im gonna have a tough time sleeping does melatonin affect teh body?
Posted 8/30/2017 5:06 PM (GMT 0)
Melatonin works very well for many people. Taken before bedtime, it helps support the circadian rhythm in the body, allowing an easier time of falling asleep.

I always recommend trying this natural supplement first, before considering a sleeping pill.

Don't forget great relaxation coping skills such as meditation and progressive muscle relaxation before sleeping too!

With support,

S.C.
Posted 8/31/2017 4:42 AM (GMT 0)
ok ..i will work on it for sure!
Posted 8/31/2017 8:09 AM (GMT 0)
also i need a help from you would u be able to tell me what all steps your husband went through to reform himself ...the details would help also how long it took for u to realise that he was really improving and u could trust him again...what were the signs that really put u in thought about giving him a chance how many years into marriage were u guys at that point
Posted 8/31/2017 3:44 PM (GMT 0)
I'd prefer to answer these specific questions in email. Since your address is not in your profile...email me (mine is) and I can respond to you.

S.C.
Posted 8/31/2017 7:53 PM (GMT 0)
Shame man that's sad but you will get through this
Please pray harder about this, also think about you..I feel you done more than enough..u need happiness too..
Posted 9/13/2017 4:49 PM (GMT 0)
last week there was a huge outburst ...i couldn't tolerate her rudeness... i told her u tell me clearly what u wanna do..she said i wanna separate after my daughters 10th class is done. i said you dont have to wait till then u can leave right now its only gonna make things worse...her dad was called in and we had a discussion on how we should proceed now ..i cant be in this state forever...i told him that she can leave the house..lot of things were discussed and i dunno what transpired but she was talking nicely until yesterday when we met teh counsellor for our next session

She explained him all that we were through the last one month...he told her what exactly do u wanna do?
she said the same thing ....he was in talk and told her that moving away would only make things worse as it would make thing more diff for all of us...he also asked if we could get my daughter for the next session or so..he told her that do maintain the good atmosphere that u have been maintaining and slowly it would be good ..he also mentioned that we were looking more relaxed than we were during our last session...everything seemed positive he told her to go out more often as a family this would all help the atmosphere

but during the drive back all hell broke loose...she was driving rash and she was like why do we have to involve our daughter in this ...its always about how u want things ..she was like " what is this counselor telling anyways??...to just shut up and lead my life with you ...no one understands my side ..she hasn't been talking after that ...feeling so frustrated ...i dunno why i deserve this treatment she is being rude again ...she insults me
Posted 9/13/2017 6:38 PM (GMT 0)
Vkj,

Sadly, it sounds like she is not willing to move forward. It seems she was mad that the therapist wasn't 'taking her side'...

...bit that is not how it works. The therapist is on the side of resolution and moving past the conflict.

I am sorry to hear things are not improving. sad

S.C.
Posted 9/14/2017 12:47 PM (GMT 0)
what should i do ... im down with high fever n body pain.. i have to learn to live with her bring in the house like a furniture ...its not helping anyone
Posted 9/14/2017 3:35 PM (GMT 0)
Oh no...I am sorry to hear that you are sick. I wish you a quick recovery!

She mentioned waiting until your daughter's 10th class concludes...when will this be?

If is is not much longer, then perhaps that wolud be a good idea, as to not disrupt her studies midterm...

...however, if this is months from now, then you have to decide for yourself if you can go in at the state the relationship is in now.

Wishing you health and wisdom in what to do.

S.C.
Posted 9/15/2017 7:03 AM (GMT 0)
its in march ( the 10th class final exam)
Posted 9/15/2017 7:07 AM (GMT 0)
i think i will just have to live on with this state where she doesnt talk nor does she decide
Posted 9/15/2017 3:39 PM (GMT 0)
Got it, okay...

...if you decide mutually to wait until Spring then all you can do is try to be civil, (this includes her participation hopefully!!) and keep reminding yourself that you have your daughter's best interest as the priority...

...and keep working on your own therapy/self help, in order to keep your anxiety managed.

Wishing you the best with the situation as it stands. Keep us posted, and we'll do our best to keep you encouraged.

S.C.
Posted 9/19/2017 4:21 AM (GMT 0)
yesterday was her birthday I got cake for her
And I got the merci chocolate
 The same chocolate which I got her first time from Singapore
When we were still.engaged and not yet married
She acknowledged it
She told my daughter this was the first gift from your father to me
She also cut cake and fed me
In the morning also I wished her happy birthday and told her "God bless you"
 When she told about the chocolate to my daughter I was in tears
If I don't feel for her why do tears roll down automaticcally
Posted 9/19/2017 3:00 PM (GMT 0)
Of course you still have feelings...

...and this sounds like a good move in a positive direction.

I will pray it is a step towards better interactions, and perhaps reconciliation...

S.C.
Posted 10/3/2017 2:19 PM (GMT 0)
after the last counselling session which i mentioned ...we met this Saturday.
it was a mixed session with both of us pouring out and blaming each other ....accepting faults. the counselor said atleast u'll are talking. he told me that clearly i have come out of things but she hasn't

she was and has been co operating quite a bit in terms of execution of house work and maintaining peace
she was talking as well we were sitting and watching a movie together ...we did go out with friends

she even was curious bout a certain injury i had and the fact that i was a little sad that she and my daughter were going out for a couple of days ...after that it has been very flat
Posted 10/3/2017 4:27 PM (GMT 0)
So a mix of good...and neutral again.

I woukd still say this is progress, right?

Keep working on your end if things. If you want the relationship that is your prime directive...and all you can control anyway.

I hope things continue in the right direction!

S.C.
Posted 10/11/2017 6:31 AM (GMT 0)
thanks SC ..even i am hoping for the best..touch wood atmosphere is at least far better now
Posted 10/19/2017 3:49 AM (GMT 0)
hello SC how have u been
Posted 10/19/2017 4:26 AM (GMT 0)
Hi!

Doing well, thanks. Keeping busy and out of trouble, lol.

How are things with you? Any changes one way or the other? How is your daughter?

Wishing all good things for your family.

S.C.
✚ New Topic locked
123456