It's starting all over again.

Calibren

Regular Member

Joined : Jul 2014

Posts : 30

Posted 11/27/2017 1:34 PM (GMT 0)

So I posted back in September regarding my intrusive thoughts with GAD. They were brought on during a really stressful period where I was on medical leave from work with an autoimmune disease. I was dreading going back to work, but when I returned on October 2nd everything seemed to turn around. Slowly but surely over the next six weeks I was able to relax, let go and enjoy my days. It wouldn't last, though. I had 166 hours of vacation available and I figured it would be nice to see my family in Texas for Thanksgiving so I scheduled 10 days off to spend some time with my wife, kids and my family in Texas. After 3 days off I woke up with a massive jolt of anxiety. Almost full on panic. I had been looking forward to this trip for weeks. Now I was frozen with fear. As with everything, I pushed through, shear force of will. Every day got a bit worse. When we returned home I thought I would be more relaxed in my own home, but I just began dreading what I figured would be another episode in the middle of the night.

I cannot pinpoint what caused this anxiety. In CBT we were able to find out what was bothering me before, and I beat this disorder(for a time). I often wonder why this is happening to me. I am a good person, I am charitable, kind, generous. What have I done to deserve this. I feel like a terrible father for constantly trying to relax and just have some alone time to ground myself.

I want to beat this, FOR GOOD! I don't want to be depressed. I want to be a great father, a great husband and a productive member of society. I have scheduled a follow up with my therapist but I just feel so defeated.

Is there anyone out there that has beat anxiety, I mean completely beat it, for a time, only for it to return? Can this awful disorder be beaten?

I'm feeling a little blue this morning.

**I will note, that in order to treat a flare up of my autoimmune disease, I swallowed two doses of flonase(fluticasone, a topical cortico steroid that is supposed to reduce inflammation in my esophagus) three days prior to experiencing this uptick.

Scaredy Cat

Elite Member

Joined : Sep 2006

Posts : 28868

Posted 11/27/2017 4:45 PM (GMT 0)

Hi C.,

I am really sorry to hear of your recent setback.

I know how frustrating this is. I consider myself in recovery from anxiety/panic disorder...but realize this is an ongoing issue...with challenges and detours/bumps in the road along the journey...so yes, I know where you are coming from.

The good news is that since you felt well previously, you can expect to get back to that good place again soon.

You are doing all the right things...booking the time with your therapist again...reaching out here...so well done!

The steroid Rx that you take for your medical condition could have certainly been a catalyst, along with traveling and the challenges of the holiday season. This could just be a perfect storm kind of scenario that tipped the scales temporarily.

Continuing to work your program...therapy, self help and staying positive that this will turn around for you soon will see you feeling well and in a good place of management again in time.

Keep encouraged and let us know how you are doing soon, so we can keep you in support.

Scaredy Cat

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