Posted 10/2/2018 5:49 PM (GMT 0)
Last week I had an outpatient procedure(EGD) which I have had 16 times in the past. However, in the past my OCD was not rearing it's ugly head. After recovering from the anesthesia after the procedure I was having a hard time with my intrusive thoughts. I began to research side effects of Propofol and I read that a young man committed suicide 11 days after a procedure where propofol was used. He was a healthy lad and had never had depressive episodes before. I remember reading the article and I felt the shock throughout my entire body. I have never personally been depressed, maybe down here and there, but not clinically depressed. Since reading that article, I have been researching depression and checking myself and my thoughts. Now my intrusive thoughts have returned and I have these awful images of suicide. 8 days later and I'm still googling depression to see if I may have it. I keep telling my wife "I think I'm depressed!", she's getting a bit sick of it. I know this is part of the irrational OCD cycle, I've had propofol 16 times with no incident! But I can't stop this fear that I may become massively depressed and hurt myself. To be clear, I do not want to hurt myself AT ALL. AGAIN - To reiterate, I am not a risk for harm to myself, quite the opposite. Has anyone else ever been through such a thing?