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Anxiety over a new relationship

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Posted 1/9/2019 3:28 PM (GMT 0)
I started seeing this girl who works with me. We have this chemistry where its hard not to act on it. It was innocent flirtations at the beginning but things have gotten more serious now. We ended up kissing making out at work today. It was exciting at that moment but after i came home i got triggered. Anxiety came knocking in. What if i fall for her. I dont intend to right now. But what if i do. What if it doesnt work out. I cant take or handle heartbreak right now. I know it will break whats left of me. For the first time ive started to heal, laugh, live, after years of suffering which involved 3 incidents of self harm. Im still in early stages of recovery. Recovery is more important to me than anything else. But at work i just want to hug her kiss her hold her. Its really confusing. So does she. She is an understanding kind person from what i can read about her. Like she knows my past. Some of it. The darkness and pain i have. But still i feel like i do not want to jeopardise my recovery at any cost.

What should i do?
Should i find another job?
What do i do?

Post Edited By Moderator (Scaredy Cat) : 1/9/2019 3:03:09 PM (GMT-7)

Posted 1/9/2019 10:10 PM (GMT 0)
RD,

Relationships...they can be both wonderful and challenging...so I applaud your careful consideration about this situation with the woman at work...and how it might affect your current management plan/progress!

When you mention the self harm...was this you? Or someone else close to you? (I needed to edit the wording to avoid triggers for others and to conform to forum rules ..we can't use the 'S' word)

If it was you, and you are feeling shaky about whether or not a relationship is a good idea at the moment, then taking things slowly would be a prudent plan. It may not be a matter of black and white...either an 'all in or nothing' type of choice here. You could choose to keep things casual, until you are more confident in your recovery...and where the relationship is going.

(of course, this could be a moot point if your company has a no dating policy, which many do. You will want to check on that to avoid either of you getting disciplined)

Consider all of these factors to help you know the best course of action for both of you. Best wishes and keep us updated, so we can keep you in support. smile

S.C.
Posted 1/10/2019 8:33 AM (GMT 0)
Took the day off to mull this over. If ive realized one thing from this is that i am so not ready for it. Which means my recovery isnt strong enough. Its clear to me that i cannot, should not pursue any romantic venture. Romance can and often is wonderful and stressful. It aches me more than i can say in words to not be able to go out with this amazing women. Its one of those rare connections you find once in a long while. MI is cruel. Unfair. Merciless. Dont i deserve a little tenderness in my life after everything?

I explained or atleast tried to, her my reasons, my inability to handle anything intense for the moment. And she took it really well. She said she doesnt want to hurt me and will make sure that she never acts on whatever there is between us. I have to take responsibility for making sure that i stay singedly focus on healing. Maybe i will find that kind of happiness oneday if i work hard enough.

Thanks for listening and sharing your thoughts.and sorry for using the S word. I wasnt aware of the forum rules. That was me btw, self harm. It was the most darkest years of my life. Its self triggering to even mention or talk about it. Dont know why i still did that.
Posted 1/10/2019 5:45 PM (GMT 0)
RD,

Not a problem...no worries about it at all...I am just glad that you are in a better place now...and very much so! I do see your progress with each post...and I am so happy for and proud of you. smile

Keep up the great work...and yes, while this includes sacrificing in some areas that are hard to accept...

...know also that this is a temporary necessity, and that yes, one day you will be in a place of good recovery/management and be able to have the relationship that you want to pursue.

For now, keep up the good/hard work...it is and will continue to bring you healing.

S.C.
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