So today at work was an inept day. I just couldn't help anyone and felt that I was completely unhelpful to everyone. Included that my boss is out of town and I want her to feel that I can handle EVERYTHING when she goes away for business. So much so, that I find myself looking for clues of her being upset with my performance. Not to mention that I've only been there a month and a half, which just doubles the anxiety.
I'd like to find a therapist/doctor/etc. who specializes in CBT and can help me WORK on these issues and not just talk about them. I've gotten referrals before (from my pdoc and from the company mental health line) and while these therapists were moderately helpful for the time I'm not sure they were helpful in the long-term.
I'm not sure where to go from here and feel a little frustrated and upset about that. Upset that I can't fix it myself and also frustrated that I can't seem to find someone who I'd like to work with. I'd talk to my pdoc again, but then I'm even concerned about what his opinion of me is. (I don't want to be looked at as a flake!)
I know the answer is to talk to him and let him know what my thoughts are, but with the holidays coming the only answer might be to wait until my appt. next month. Too bad I'm an impatient perfectionist at that!
I guess, I just needed to vent a bit about feeling stuck and anxious and nervous and stupid.