So sick of this.....

I am so sick of feeling sick everyday. I swear it is always something. I have general anxiety all through the day with panic attacks maybe twice a day. I always feel sick. My chest always hurts and my stomach is always upset. I'm so annoyed with seeing my DR. who of course tells me its all related to anxiety and to relax. My life is basically falling apart around me, my husband is sick of hearing about it and so are my kids. I want to stay away from everyone because I am sick of myself. Since I'm not yet 30, female, have no family history, no high BP, and my cholstorol levels are great DR's (talking a bunch not just one or two) will not evaluate my chest pain. They all think I'm crazy and I'm starting to think they are right. I wake up in the morning (if I get to sleep) thinking about dying and go to sleep thinking about it. It is a constant in my day. I have done all kinds of programs, and self-help stuff. The only thing that even remotley helps is meditation. I tried getting back into religion (I was raised Catholic) thinking that this would help with the death anxiety issue. It didn't. I tried Ekancar (spelling), Buddism, anything that has any spiritual, relaxing base. Has anyone ever been so sick of themselves they'd like to run away from themselves if they could? I see so many (the majority) of people really living life. Feeling emotions freely, I envy the person who's distraught about their hair. I feel like I am outside life, watching it pass me by. I have no desires, ambitions, or feelings. I am biting everyones head off because I'm in such a bad state. The only medicine that has helped me (and I have tried them all) is Paxil. Of course my state has cut all insurance programs so the pharmacy's are charging more for there medicines to over compensate the people who can't pay or the ppl who do have insurance. I work everyday and so does my husband. We pay 400 a month for heath insurance and can not afford to pay another 200 a month for my Paxil. I have been off of it for 4 months and am right back where I was 2 years ago. Sorry for the huffy long post, but you all are the only ones that can understand my fustration.

Sorry it took so long but thanks so much for the reply!! I know your right, it will get better. I just need to take it one day at a time.

Sorry things are so hard for you right now...i would suggest as far as the insurance goes maybe your dr could give you samples of the paxil just to help you..i know my dr has done that in the past when i could not afford the meds.. i am off paxil now but i do take my xanax which is a relatively cheap medication and it works for the most part. i still have hard times like everyone else and different obsessions about something being wrong with me but i don't feel depressed...anyway i hope this helps somewhat...hugs GOOD LUCK