My husband FINALLY went back to work yesterday. Although I love him dearly, he was driving me nuts. Constantly hovering, telling me what I should do, being upset if I didn't take my meds EXACTLY on time. I might be late by an hour or so and he flips out. He kept telling me that I'm in the same rut I've been in for a long time. He thought I was reverting back to old behaviors. He'd see the tiniest thing and say that he was uncomfortable leaving me home, they were warning signs. UUGGHHH!!! I can now do what I want, when I want. I'm on my own time table. I know he has lots of reasons to worry about
me because of my history the last 5 or 6 months, but gee whiz. I felt like a child.
He still has control of all my meds. They are still locked in a safe. He puts out all my daily doses of stuff and then goes to work. I take them at the appropriate time. I understand him not trusting me. But if I was intent on doing something, there are many over the counter things to take that are just as dangerous in high enough doses as some of my meds in lower doses. All I'd have to do is go to the store. He can't hover over me and be with me 24/7 just to make sure I don't do anything stupid.
The current medication cocktail I'm on seems to be working, finally. It took alot of tweaking but I think I'm almost there. That doesn't mean I don't still have certain thoughts every once in a while. Just the compulsiveness to react on them has softened.
I really feel good. I feel like there may be a light at the end of this tunnel. I can't see it yet, maybe a flicker, but I know it's there. I FEEL GOOD!!! Yippy!!! 