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Teens who cause parents anxiety--sound familiar?

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Posted 3/14/2007 2:19 AM (GMT 0)
I have a few questions for those of you who may have 18 yr olds who think they know everything and are headed for disaster?  Mine was an honor student who thought everyone was picking on him and who eventually turned to the wrong crowd.  Or was that just an excuse? 

I have caught him. No big deal you think.  Well I didn't like it in my house, so told him no more.  But he seems to deliberately do things over and over pushing me to the limit.  My anxiety has not been this bad in years. 

I know he does have a depression problem but refuses to do anything about it.  Says drugs aren't the answer...well how would he know.  How do you handle this situation without forcing them out to the streets?  I have another child to worry about too.  Are parents these days too afraid to face their kids?  We are...we are ashamed too.  Maybe thats the problem.  This kid could make any univeristy in an instant, but chooses to do drugs, and not attempt to work. 

Thanks for letting me vent.  

Sassy

 

Post Edited By Moderator (Howlyncat) : 3/14/2007 4:46:17 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 3/14/2007 3:48 AM (GMT 0)
Everybody takes their own path. Whatever you do, don't push him away emotionally or otherwise.

People will disagree, I'm sure, but . I was a lot like your kid when I was that age, actually, and I went on to school and graduated with two degrees before starting a career. If he's smart, he'll probably figure things out. You just have to make sure he doesn't get into anything worse in the meantime, and you can't do that unless you have an open relationship.

That's the only advice I can give. At 18 you just don't have much leverage to negotiate with him, so you have to find a connection on a more personal level.

Good luck.

Post Edited By Moderator (Howlyncat) : 3/14/2007 4:46:52 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 3/14/2007 4:00 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks, but what would u use a couple of pop bottles Why would you need to use that ? I am feeling like I have no control in my own house. I came home to **** pictures on the floor by our computer. Is there a message here? Does he want us to suffer? Does he want me to loose it again? He knows why I had been so sick a few years back dealing with an abuse which occured in my childhood. One time and if you let it, it can ruin your life. I have finally dealt with it and was doing great on celexa for the past 4 yrs, but now its not enough. Uping the dose it taking too long to work.

If anyone knows what this device is , let me know. I need to know if we should get outside help. Thanks again.

Sassy outside help is needed hun ........

Email me k.....luvs ta ya

Lyn

Post Edited By Moderator (Howlyncat) : 3/14/2007 4:48:53 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 3/14/2007 4:42 PM (GMT 0)
Well, I'm not sure what he made out of the bottles, but those sorts of things can be used to just a Just don't know. You'd have to smell it. If you still can't tell, I suppose you could call your local police. Don't let them come to your house, though. Explain the situation and take it to them. I cop could probably tell what was smoked in it just by looking and smelling of it.

Even if , if he's doing a bunch of other stuff and not showing any respect for you at all, you probably have to do something. Is his dad around? Maybe if you gang up on him he'll understand that he needs to straighten up.

I wish I could help you more. I don't have kids, and even though I did some screwy things when I was a kid, I was never really that bad. Not saying he is...I don't know.




** as said to Sasssy this is paraphenalia and against law get it out

Post Edited (debaser) : 3/15/2007 7:39:09 AM (GMT-6)

Posted 3/14/2007 10:42 PM (GMT 0)
Hun I think it is time for the help honestly
He is heading down a path where he prolly doesnt really want to go BUT peer pressure is the biggest thing and being COOL ya know yes they can be used for everything so please please get him help now while there is still time
Sassy email me okay I am gonna have to edit some of this as you prolly knpw but email me and I will be getting back to you Thursday after I get home from hospital okay

Debaser some of your words had to be edited to dont want the thread locked down okay

No offence taken I hope by either
please
Luvs ta ya
LYN

Sassy ....you having that in home is against law as well ..Paraphenlia(sp) tell him to get it out and RESPECT you and your home touhglove is needed sweetie IMO

Posted 3/15/2007 12:54 AM (GMT 0)
Well, I'm not going to visit this forum anymore. I'm not angry but I cannot tolerate these insane rules. She asked a question that was obviously very important to her, and now the answer gets deleted because certain words were used? Certain things are fact of life. Those words can be read in the newspaper, heard at church, or anywhere.

What if someone with a drug problem came here for help? Their whole post would be deleted, I would guess.

Earlier I posted a link to another forum where someone could get help. That type of forum wasn't available here at HealingWell. I don't have any idea why that rule exists.

This is the last advice I can give: "Tough love" sounds like a great idea but you need to be careful about that. If he's driven away he'll only get in deeper. I know because I've been there.

I wish everyone the very best of luck.

edit: I was extremely irritable when I wrote this post. I still don't like the fact that I was censored because in this case I think it serves no purpose, but I'm not going to get all emotional about it. Nobody was advocating drug abuse, and in fact, quite the opposite was going on here so I just don't get it. I've put my email in my profile if someone would like to explain it to me.

about the topic, I'd like to relate a short story that illustrates my point. When I was 17 and 18, I was in much the same situation. I was basically focused on girls, playing music, and having a good time. A friend of mine was exactly the same the way. Neither of us were bad kids...we were just very unproductive. My parents gave me space. They complained, sure, but they didn't come down hard. His did in a very big way. As soon as he graduated high school they threw him out. I won't (and apparently can't) go into details, but when he got out on his own his life took some very disturbing turns. I don't know what happened to him, but last I knew he was already in deep enough that I wonder if he was ever able to pull himself out.

So it really depends on exactly what your kid's doing. There are degrees of bad behavior. Doing a little of this may be illegal but not really all that bad; Doing a little of that is not only illegal, it's really bad and he may need help whether he wants it or not. It can be a balancing act.

Post Edited (debaser) : 3/15/2007 7:58:54 AM (GMT-6)

Posted 3/15/2007 3:12 AM (GMT 0)
Sassy:

Sorry you're so stressed, BUT tought love is the answer. Give him the boot out of your house. He is being disrespectful and putting you in danger. He will not stop until the rug is ripped out from underneath him and he knows you mean business!!
Posted 3/15/2007 11:35 AM (GMT 0)
Hello Sassy,

 

Honey I'm so sorry your having to go thru this. I know how hard it can be I raised three sons and went thru a simular situation with my middle son. Don't give up on him even if he has given up on his self and you need to tell him that but not in anger and that you do love him. My son's always knew I had a rule in our home which was my house my rules and I wouldl tell them I will respect there rules in there house when they grow up but till then...they will live by my rules. Now when I visit my son's I do respect there rules in there homes. He will grow up some day and with some it takes longer then it does others. I know this won't help but he's testing you and thats what teens do I sorry to say. Hope this helps were all here for you please keep us posted.

Posted 3/15/2007 4:28 PM (GMT 0)
You are right Debaser, I sure don't want to push him out and make it worse. We live in a small town with no jobs close and the transport system is bad. He already totaled our car after not asking permission to use it. We got over that. Then he recently backed into another car and lied to us about what happened saying he was hit. We later found out differently. Now his licence may be removed.
We feel he needs tough love, but also know if he had a car he could get a job. But would he learn anything from us using his education fund to supply him a car. No. As far as the drugs go. I want to believe its just pot. But he has shown signs of depression over the last 4-5 yrs. and I am back & forth believing he is playing us & may be using this to his advantage.
He just got a job in a town 30 minutes away that may be hard to get to. Should we drive him when possible & support his efforts? I am thinking maybe. Things may go better if he has to work for it. Thanks to all of you for the support.
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