You people have sage advice - need more

Hi again- I posted last week about my eye problem (squiggly lines in left eye) and I think those of you who suggested it might be occular migraines might be correct - the minute I get stressed it gets much worse - and I even feel slight/pain pressure behind the eye.  And could this week BE much more stressful - try this on for size.  I'm still WAY behind in my rent but paying my monthly rent now (since I got a temp job) and some toward arrearage each month but it's KILLING me (barely enough left for gas and some food) - and now landlord coming to my door asking when I'll be caught up.  This temp job doesn't afford much in the way of pay.  Now I've applied for a full time job here and I think I MIGHT have it but that's going to mean two weeks before I get first paycheck, my car is about to konk out, my eye's driving me crazy, the new boss I'd have has a rep for being a slave driver (but I can't pass up the chance for full time and benefits), I owe about 1400 in taxes by April 15th, I'm constantly having anxiety/panic attacks, I'm really starting to feel my age (59) - change of any kind is so much more difficult.  I wake up each morning with my heart pounding and feeling like I'm going to pass out.  I'm trying to support a teenager with NO help from anyone/anything and I have to admit I get resentful sometimes when people pressure me for money and don't realize how hard I'm trying - I'm not on welfare, take care of everything, have no family still living who could give emotional or any other kind of support - and sometimes I just feel so scared and alone.  I have to stay strong for my son but it's a daily battle.  Now I'm afraid I'll fail at this new job between the eye problem and the anxiety I'm constantly feeling and I can't even go to a doc for eye or some tranqs until I work thirty days at the new job when the insurance kicks in.  I just feel so overwhelmed right now and it always calms me down a bit to hear from you folks.  I'm tearing up right here at work while I write this - I wish I wasn't so afraid of what's around the corner - I should feel positive about this new job possibility but all I feel is terror.

You're absolutely right - I've had people tell me the same thing before - as you know, however, it's a difficult thing to do - you just feel like the weight of the world is on you and there's no way out.  I guess I know that I will get through it one way or another so that's what keeps me going each day - but when one's had so many trials and disappointments in life, it's hard to be optomistic.  I really do believe in the right attitude making the difference but I've always struggled to get that attitude that so many people have - maybe AP doesn't lend itself well to a good attitude.  But I'll keep trying - and THANKS.

i'm 30 and feeling a lot of the same things, though i will admit i'm in a little less of a stressful situation overall. money troubles are the absolute worst. i have had big changes in all the major areas of life within the last year (father dying, first child born 3 weeks later, moved to a new state, 2 job changes and bought a house) and it just took it's toll and i finally kind of broke down. i've always struggled with change (had major separation anxiety and homesickness all throught childhood) and this has just been a little too much. i feel like the addage that time heels all wounds will eventually kick in and i will get past all this and achieve some sense of stability and regain my sense of self - enough to allow me to regularly cope much better with my anxiety issues. but it will take time. medication and therapy helps get me through, but i really think time is what will eventually do the trick. but it's hard to way it out sometimes.

it's always frustrating to hear people who are older than i am struggling because i always hoped that the older you got the more secure you felt in your life, financially, personally, etc. but i guess the reality is that life is very persistant and it doesn't ease up on you as you age. i guess the hope is just that ones coping mechanisms and experience will make things easier over time.

by the way, i've got a lot of visual things, too. mostly floaters, which you've probably read about. they are very common and, though irritating, aren't really anything to worry about. i didn't notice them before my troubles with anxiety began, so i often wonder if i have just become hypersensitive to all stimuli, or if the anxiety caused something to happen that released the floaters. but i think it's probably the former. i also think i had my first ocular migraine a few weeks ago. i had this large flashing light in my right eye, kind of like when you get a strong glare off a road or a car. but it didn't disappear after a few minutes like that usually would. it seemed to get worse and worse, and bigger and bigger. i totally freaked out. fortunately after about a half hour it slowly went away. i didn't have a headache, though i understand that is common with ocular migraines. anyway, i think that's what it was. and that's really nothing to worry about it. but i imagine like most things they are more common amongst people with high levels of stress and anxiety.

glad the forums are helping you out. we all need lots of comforts to get us through and it's nice that you can add something to your list. are you on any medication or doing therapy? if you're on meds, are they helping at all?

Well, I think anytime you're working a temporary gig, that has to be stressful. Should you get the permanent position I'm willing to bet that your situation improves quite a bit. I can tell from what you're saying that you just don't feel secure right now without insurance. Even if the new boss is a slave driver, I bet you're able to handle that kind of pressure since a number of other stressors will then be eliminated. You can use the insurance to help you treat the root of your anxiety. You'll be doing better soon.

I suggest you file for an extension for your taxes and worry about that later. Tell your kid to knock it off. There are a number of things kids can do for money even if they're not yet 16. I came from a poor family and I did it. It'll be good for him.

You'll be fine, though. Change isn't easy but most of the time it turns out to be positive.

Good luck to you.