My Story..

Well I just started having anxiety/panic attacks not even a year ago, and this website has helped me out tremendously. So I think its only right I would post my story and share, because I know it will help others. Although I feel weird typing this because this is all new to me and I never had any conditions whatsoever. Well these anxiety attacks definitely freaked me out to say the least. Anyways how mine started...

I was 22 and was stressing out big time at work. I am self employed and have my own business, well it had been a couple of months into it and I was working long hours and stressing. Anyways one night I woke up in the middle of the night just freaking out from a nightmare, well when I woke up I was confused, very panicky, my head was spinning, and I felt like every thing was going at 100 miles an hour. So I rushed to the bathroom and splashed water over my face but it wasnt helping, so I went to the kitchen and took an advil. Big mistake because it had me up all night, and my symptoms were not going away. I was literally freaking out and thought I was losing my mind and going crazy. Well I eventually fell asleep at about 4am only to wake at 8am. I asked my Girlfriend to go to the beach, as I figured that would settle me and I wanted to reassure myself I was not going crazy. Well the beach wasnt really working because all I had on my mind was the event from the night before and I just could not get it out of my head. So I decide to head to a gathering of friends with my GF as I figured that would get my mind of this whole "issue". Well as I went to the gathering, it just got worse, my friends were talking to me and I could not pay attention whatsoever, so of course I started panicking again and off I go with my GF as I thought I was going to lose it in public. Well the next day I went to work and all was fine, and so fourth. Towards the end of the week I woke up in the middle of the night but no panic or anxiety attacks. UNTIL the following weekend I was at the movies with my GF and we were watching a weird movie, and I got the same feeling as the first time...heart pouding, panicky, mind going a million miles an hour and I was feeling disoriented. So we left the movie in a rush, I get home and throw up. The next day all day I was out of it, I was miserable not knowing what was happening to me. I figured it woudl go away again when I went to work since it keeps my mind off everything. Well I was wrong that day at work, I could not do anything, and I was so weak I went to the doctor. I figured at this point they were anxiety attacks, since my neighbor gets them but I was worried because I felt like I was losing my mind. Well the doctor prescribes me Xantax and some sleeping pills. That night I could barely sleep, so I was up all night and kept worrying about what I had. The next day I could not function at work so I went home early, and that night was hell. I took the sleeping pill and it did absolutely nothing, any little nosie freaked me out, I burst into tears for no reason, I was sad, depressed. I had to take a Xanax to finally fall asleep at 6am only to wake up a few hours later to the same thing. This laster for days, until I went to see a psychologist and he assured me it was Panic Attacks, Anxiety followed by depression. He had me go to a Psychiatrist. He diagnosed me with General Anxiety Disorder. I could not understand how all my life I never had an episode and then out of nowehere one night I get one. He said some patients dont get them until they are 50. Who knows. Well he prescribed me Sleeping Pills, Alprazolam, and Lexapro. But I would not take the medication in fear that something would happen, or that they would not make me better and I would totally lose it. So I decided to fight it. Well as weeks went by I got better, until I started getting scared that I would lose it and hurt my GF or family members. Then I would have nightmares, any little noise I would hear I would check for. It was just constant worry about everything. The only time I would not worry is when I would go out drinking with friends, as we would be having fun but obviously that is not the cure. lol. The Psychiatrist actually got mad at me because I was not taking my medication and basically told me not to bother him unless i took the medication. I did not like that, because its easy for him to say but he of all people should know that we have irrational fears of things happening to us. Well its been 7 months since the first attack, and their has been weeks where I felt like myself again only to have something trigger and I get into my anxiety again. For example tonight a buddy was talking about this guy he knows who owns a company and is nuts, and so it put me in this mind set that what if went nuts because of all the stress. What if I go nuts, what if I am nuts. Its this viscious circle that i get into and it takes me a bit to snap out of it. One of the things is reading this website, because some of you have my EXACT symptoms and it makes me feel reassured. Its the only thing that does it. The scariest is that I feel like a different person after the first attack, like I am a different person. When I saw some of my old family members at first it was like I had no emotions or like I did not know them. I also sometimes feel like I am not part of what is going on. That stuff really bothers me and leads me to an Anxiety/Panic attack. At one point I felt like I was not myself that I was having like a split personality because I feel so crapty when I get anxious, its a dramatic mood swing. Does anybody else get these feelings?

Anyhow sorry for the long post, but I figured if I shared my story it might be similar to something someone else is having. I can proudly say I never take meds, only a handful of times have i taken xanax. I feel like im getting better and better, aside from like I said the occasional episode which will have me worrying 24/7. Anyways post up any comments or stories.

Hi, Neo!
I agree with Harry that you likely suffered a lot needlessly cuz of not taking Xanax. I haven't taken any in a few months but if I felt I needed to, I really would! Even though you are getting better (great!) be aware that GAD can come back (I should know!) It would be better for you if you were to learn CBT and read some books by DR. Weekes or other similar types. That way you'll know how to handle it if it comes back to bothering you again.
I believe that if I had taken Xanax at certain times, my fear wouldn't have grown as intense, cuz my fear of being MORE fearful was a vicious sycle that kept feeding upon itself. This made me get worser and worser. I am happy too when I don't take any xanax. If I am having some anxiety but am able to get along fairly well w/o the xanax, I don't take it. But if I were to keep haviong it build and build to where I felt like I was losing it, I'd take the xanax. I also feel that Lexapro could be very good for you. I did great on zoloft for 12 years until it pooped out. Now I am on Paxil. I feel that these meds helped me a LOT. I know a guy who was addicted to xanax and he was able to get weaned off of it and was helped quite a lot with Lexapro.
Anyway, whatever you do, I wish you the best!
janet