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Sorry all - I really need to just vent

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Posted 4/29/2007 7:05 AM (GMT 0)
Hi there

Sorry to vent everyone, but I got so close to a PA yesterday and today, and it seems all for nothing.  I have just found out that once again my best friend lied to me, I just can't keep taking it.  She knows I have a real thing about lies, they confuse and devalue friendships and are just so unneccessary.  It seems so silly, we're supposedly mature adults lol, yet seem to be acting like teenagers.  I feel that if she has to go to great lengths to hide something from me, which to me is the same as a lie, then she either doesn't want me in her life and doesn't know how to say so, or just is two-faced and unloyal.  Either way, it's happened too many times and she thinks that if she just says sorry, takes a bit of thinking time everything will be ok.  Well not this time.  I asked her to come over this afternoon, after giving her "space" for 3 days to see how things stood.  After our last conversation I was really worried about her, some of the things she said made me think she might actually feel a bit sorry for what she'd done.  She strolled in like it was just another day and then get's cranky at me for trying to get her to make me understand why she feels she has to lie to me.  I honestly still just don't get it.

Anyway, I'm really sad right now, cos she stormed off, but will expect things to be back to normal in a few days, but this time they won't be.  I'm shutting the door on my one true friend who has seen me through the depths of despair, illness, divorce, job loss and injury.  It's killing me, but I just have to do this.  I'm gonna miss her like crazy.  She was the one person I told everything to, who I trusted, and who was there when no-one else was, but I just can't live like this.

I've got past feeling like the PA is going to hit, I'm just really really sad.

So sorry to ramble on everyone, but it's good to have somewhere to go when u feel alone.

Deb

Posted 4/29/2007 10:21 AM (GMT 0)
Hi,

Feel free to rant at any time! Its better out than in (As my mum used to say!). It seems a shame that someone who was a really good friend to you is lost over one lie. (Granted I dont know what it was... It might have been something major). Is there perhaps a way of patching things up? Maybe there is a reason why this has happened and she is having difficulty in telling you? I would take a good look at whats going on outside the box and think carefully before you 'shut any doors'.

Darren

Posted 4/29/2007 2:21 PM (GMT 0)
Hi there
I too am sorry that a friendship is being lost
Friends real ones are few and far between and like Darren's Mom I think it is better "OUT and Dealt" with then kept in to fester

It sounds like she is doing this more than once and doesnt get why you get upset?

I am truly sorry and I do feel your pain I went thru this not long ago over my friend of over 12 yrs and my medications which are strong opiates and I still miss her to this day ..

Vent away we all do
Be well
LYN
Posted 4/29/2007 8:24 PM (GMT 0)
Well, this is none of my business and I don't know of any of the details, so what I say may not apply.

People lie. Almost everyone lies about stuff. My mom even lies to me on occasion. She's not a liar or a bad person. Friends, other family, people at work, me....all lie from time to time. Mostly they are small lies or lies of omission.

You said she'd helped you get through lots of terrible things...THAT is the test of a true friend. A whole lot of people will abandon you when you go through hard times. To me, that is where trust is formed.

But she may have lied about something so terrible that you're right to do what you're doing. Who knows.
Posted 4/29/2007 8:56 PM (GMT 0)

Hi all, thankyou for your replies

I'm sorry to say that this is far from the first time it's happened, or we've discussed it.  I try to understand why she feels the need to do it.  If it was a small white lie, or something she forgot to  tell me, no big deal.  But this was something she made a deliberate effort to keep from me for months, something so unnecessary, and something I would have been happy to support her in - so I just don't get it.

Yes she has been a wonderful friend over the last 8-9 years, and I don't know what I would have done without her, but I have also been a good friend to her thru her affairs and separation, work issues, mum's illness, and her own anxiety attacks.

I thought we really understood each other after what we'd been thru, and yes, I thought it was better out than in.

Lyn I'm sorry that you went thru this with your friend also, it is very painful losing someone you love.

Deb

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