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Anxiety comes crashing back in!

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Anxiety & Panic Disorders
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Posted 7/17/2007 11:54 PM (GMT 0)
I just returned from a vacation in Maine with my family, my dad and my stepmom.  It was an amazingly beautiful place.  It was also a very emotional trip for me because my dad and mom (who died of cancer when I was 15) started their young married life there.  He was a professor at the University of Maine in Orono.  I found myself overwhelmed by the history and the connection I made with the physical space.  I prayed every day that my anxiety and panic would not hinder the experience.  My prayers were heard.  However, as soon as our plane landed at Hartsfield Airport, it came on with a vengance!  Has this ever happened to anyone?  I found myself crying uncontrollably in the car on the drive home from the airport because I had done so well and then it came crashing back in.  I'm confused, sad and frustrated...could use a little lift.  Thanks.

septembergirl

Posted 7/18/2007 2:13 AM (GMT 0)
Hi,

I'm sorry u lost your Mom so young!!! The anxiety and panic you experienced is absolutely normal, especially during an emotional trip. It's awesome that you were able to enjoy the time while you were there - memories are much better when they aren't clouded by anxiety. Perhaps as you were leaving you felt the loss of your Mom more acutely. It's hard to say why we have the a/p when we do... sometimes it's obvious and sometimes it isn't. Try and see your trip as a success... In my opinion you did a wonderful job maintaining your wellbeing during an obviously emotional time. Good for you!!!
Posted 7/18/2007 12:22 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you for your reply, Liz! I'm sure you are right when you say I was feeling the loss of my mom more acutely. I don't think I have ever fully dealt with it and am in counseling right now because of that. Because she had cancer for 5 years before she died, I struggle with pretty severe health anxiety. I'm terrified that any symptom/minor illness that I may have is cancer or some other terminal illness.

Prayer and meditation really help me in mentally overcoming my feelings of anxiety and panic (although I am taking medication, too). Sometimes, though, it comes on really strong and it is difficult to gain that physical control and peace of mind, you know? When this happens, I feel a sense of failure, weakness and guilt. A sense of "why me?". But, what I believe is that this is God's way of keeping me close to Him ( I hope I am not offending you by religious content). Praying helps me to focus on the positive, good and right things...so it keeps my negative feelings "in check".

Sorry to ramble on...just in need expressing myself. I am married and have three children under the age of 9, so it's a daily challenge to keep myself "in check"! Thank you again for your reply and friendship.
septembergirl
Posted 7/18/2007 12:40 PM (GMT 0)
Good Morning,

I have those same types of anxiety reactions associated with memories. My birth mother died in a car accident when I was 18 months old and I still to this day will stand in the cemetery and cry for the Mother I never had a chance to know.

Also my Dad and Step Mother died along time ago so when I go to put out the flowers on Memorial Day I feel so sad and cry as there is no one, no family for me anymore in my home town. I see all the old sites and think about how I don't belong there anymore. My childhood home has been gone a long time. I was an only child.

So I think your pretty normal to react to the visit and the memories by feeling anxious and sad too.

Gentle hugs. You have a right to miss your Mom and I will say a prayer for you and for her.
Posted 7/18/2007 12:43 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you for the hugs and the prayers, Kitt! I am getting ready to take my morning walk and I will think of and pray for you as well.
septembergirl
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