The past few days....(BIG UPDATE ADDED)

Well, for some reason, the past few days I have been on edge.  Just anxious feeling, and I had a mini panic attack yesterday when I took Dad to the dentist....and today, just because I was feeling anxious for no good reason.  I have been feeling extra tired, and I hate it.  I go through a couple weeks where I feel pretty good, and then, well, I start to feel crappy again.  I am at a low right now.  I hate being so tired, and I hate being anxious.  My muscles are aching too.  Ugh.  This stinks pretty badly.  I wish this stupid disease would go away.  I have also been fearing death...for reasons I have no clue why.  I think "oh no, I am tired, and my muscles are aching...what could this seriously be?"  My chest feels tight as it always does with my anxiety, and I fear a heart attack, of course.  I haven't felt like this in a while, and I haven't had these thoughts in a while. Why are they back???????????  Ugh.

Well guys, thanks so much for listening to me vent.  I do appriciate it so much!!!!

(((((HUGS)))))

would this be a good idea?  keeping track on paper of my panic attacks and how I feel all day and stuff during the next month til I meet with her???  I just wanna make the best of my appointment and get the best treatment possible.  THANKS

Tammy,

I am sorry your feeling like this, but remember the good days and they will be back.  Just let yourself not get stuck on the merry-go-round of anticipating the worst.

I had a panic attack today and it brought back all the fears, but I am fighting it off by thinking tomorrow I will feel better.  I always beat myself up but I am working on throwing those thoughts away.

I used my medication and took a nap.  Now I have to go to work but it is a short shift.

You are in good company my friend.  Hang on.  We are here for you.

Gentle Hugs

Kitt

Tammy I know the feeling. I have to go back into hospital in 3 weeks and am panicing to such an extent that I feel like I'm going to end up in the emergency psych unit as I can't handle these feelings.

I keep trying distraction etc but like you wish this illness would just go away.

Tammy: I am having one of those weeks too (maybe it's the "full moon" out there--LOL)! I had ONE good day---then, I'm on my 5th day of "blah"-----I have been having stomach problems---having a hard time eating/swallowing, pains in my lower abdomin---so, I feel like something is seriously wrong!

I find that when I don't sleep well(which is a lot lately)---I feel worse. I take Klonopin (as needed)--and this week, I already took it one time.

I find writing in my journal helps---I try to get out all of the bad feelings I am having--but, try to write things that are good/empowering to get me through it. It does help!

I hope your days get better--prayers for you!

Hey there everyone...thanks a bunch for all the posts and the support. Truthfully, I am beginning to think that Lexapro is the wrong drug for me. Here's why:

Got prescribed it June 26th, 2007...Took a half pill for the first 4 days (5mg) per doctors order. Then, went to the 10 mg dose. It did great for me...meaning, it helped me overcome agoraphobia...(for the most part) and it helped my anxiety go down a lot. Didn't seem to have much affect of getting rid of panic attacks.

July was pretty good, as that's when I started to really see some improvement.

August, I started to feel bad again, noticing way more panic attacks, and slipping back into not wanting to leave again, also started feeling separation anxiety from John. Doctor upped Lexapro to 20 mg in early August, and said I would be fine.

I felt pretty good through the rest of August, and so far in September, UNTIL the past few days...I am back to regular panic attacks...some big, some small. This morning, I had a HUGE one...Woke up at 5:30 a.m. with a panic attack...like I use to. I was shaking really bad, I was nervous, my chest was tight, I simply couldn't calm down. I try to fight this battle without Xanax, but I had no choice, and today after like 10 minutes of suffering, I got up, had .5 mg of Xanax...and after around 30 more minutes of shaking and fear, I calmed down. Panic attacks really tire me out, especially when they are so big, so now today, I am exhausted. I took Jay Jay to school, came home, and went back to sleep. I just got up, only because I forced myself to.

I feel like the Lex only works for like a month or so, then poops right out. I am certainly going to talk to my PDOC about this, but is that even possible? Can it work for a month or so and then give up? Has anyone ever heard about that?

This is a vent, and I don't want to sound like I am giving up, because I like to try to stay positive as much as possible, but how much more can I take? This is a scary, and soemetimes lonely battle to fight. Sometimes I look at "normal" people outside, like pumping gas, or when we pass a resturaunt while driving...and I say to myslef that those people have no idea how lucky they are...I never had any idea how lucky I was before I started the battle with anxiety and panic. I took everythign I did for granit...like going to the movies or to a resturaunt...all the things I can no longer do, but I once could. It is sad sometimes....and I feel myself slipping into a depression now. John pays for everything, because I cannot go back to work. I am sitting at home doing nothing, which doesn't seem right to me. John is accepting and understanding to this, but I on the other hand get angry at myself, and get angry at this disease...because it tells me what I should be doing and waht I can do in life. It just isn't fair.

Guys, I know this post was long, and for real, I could go on and on and on...but I don't want to take up all your time on me, me me. LOL. If you are still reading, thank you for making it through. If you have a comment, that is great, if not, I understand. Thank you all for the support.

Today is just one of those days....UGH

Good Morning My Friend,

I am sorry your having a rough go of it right now.  Lots of hugs for you.

You wrote:

"Sometimes I look at "normal" people outside, like pumping gas, or when we pass a resturaunt while driving...and I say to myslef that those people have no idea how lucky they are...I never had any idea how lucky I was before I started the battle with anxiety and panic."

Let me put a little different spin on this for you. :)

The word "normal" ~ well everyones normal is different. And yes I think all people suffer from one type of mental disorder at one time or another. Take depression maybe it doesn't get to the degree it does with other people but everyone gets depressed.

I find that since I have been out spoken about my mental health issues I get very different reactions. Some people treat me like they are walking on egg shells. Some people ignore it. Some people think they understand but most just don't get it.

The world still doesn't see mental disorders as an illness but a defect. But if you have cancer that is an illness not a defect. I would rather have a mental disorder than cancer. At least mental disorders are treatable.

So believe in yourself, Tammy, and remember you are normal, just like all of us are, we just have disorders to overcome.  You can do this, I know you can.  Talk to your Pdoc again about the med.  It may indeed not be the one for you.

 

hi Tammy, sorry to hear your feeling anxiuos and getting panic attacks, Personally i dont know anything about Lexapro, but i do suffer panic attacks and agoraphobia, When i feel anxious i try to tune out and concentrate on something i like. It may be music of some sort, a computer game, or something else i like doing, Being a chef sometimes i turn to cooking to take my mind of the anxious thoughts, and sometimes when i get bad attacks, i just lay down on the bed and tell myself "everything is ok" over and over in my head and i normally fall asleep for a while and everything is ok. This may not work for you but i hope it helps. Also clenching your fists into a tight ball for a second and relaxing for a second then clenching and relaxing for a period of time helps also raising your toes and relaxing them is another way, that actually has a calming effect the same as squeezing a stress ball releives stress and anxiety. Hope this helps out and hope you feel better soon...

Tammy I like you do the same thing, sometimes i have really good days or weeks and then out of nowhere i become anxious and desperately look for answers on the internet, and try to find away out of it, For example would be on my way to the grocery store and start feeling anxious and then looking around at people wondering why can't i be like them relaxed and enjoying life.
It definatley does get stressful, i would get anxious going to work, coming home from work. Then i get the crazy thoughts the anxious thinking that feels so not normal I do know exactly what you are going through if you ever need someone to chat to feel free to email me just know your not the only one and we can overcome it! there is a website i read from time to time called anxiety no more by paul david you might want to check it out he is very good at explaining anxiety and ways to help yourself!
Take care of yourself Jen

Post Edited (Jen24) : 10/2/2007 8:21:36 PM (GMT-6)

Tammy,
I have been on Lexapro for several years and recently I have the feeling it is not working anymore. My Doc raised me to 20 mg and it has not helped me any different.
I have been on about every drug for anxiety you can think of over the last 15+ years.
Klonopin works a lot better for me than the Xanax did for panic relief. You can even get wafers to dissolve in your mouth for fast relief.

To answer your question about lexapro, i believe our bodies tend to get used to certain meds at different rates. Your tolerance to Lexapro may be high.

On lexapro for me lately, I am having a lot of breakthrough agoraphobia and have had a full blown panic attack 3 or 4 times in the last month. Several small ones as well. I am in the process of checking with my doc for a med change.

Hope you find the answer to your situation.

bailey