Hi All, Thanks for the great advise, what is Lyn's hot milk special Danaxiety was talking about? I'd like to give it a try. Firstly, let me tell all that I like my job and that does not seem to be the issue here. In fact, when I don't go to work it seems that the my anxiety gets worse. I work in a call center and don't have time to think about this consciously or subconsciously.
I have been told that even though it has been two years since my mother died by BFF as my daughter would say, this is when the anxiety started, being the oldest of four siblings two sisters and a brother, I don't have a sounding board anymore, in fact, I have become the sounding board, especially when it comes to my two sisters who are as different as night and day yet both exactly alike.
Just to let you know, I saw and or spoke to my mother everyday, and had to watch her waste away the last six weeks of her life to stomach cancer. A woman from Italy, who was a fantastic cook, 5' tall and weighed 200 plus pounds, and may I add was in remission from the disease for over 13 years. Today over 2 years after her death I cry almost everyday. I miss her so. Things are not the same and I am told will never be the same. Very hard on myself, as I feel, I should have gotten a grip on this. However, my therapist tells me not to be so hard on myself it takes some people longer to get over things and through the grieving process.
Also, the death of a loved one is such an adjustment and change, and I do not do change as well as when I was younger. Spending a lot of time living in the past, not looking towards the future. It seems my spark is gone sometimes, not always, but sometimes, better than I was at the beginning according to my sixteen year old and husband. I'm lucky, I have a nice daughter, a good husband that I have known for over 30 years. And I ask myself why, why am I having these stupid attacks....Can't figure it out. My head says one thing and my heart tells me another. Well thanks all for letting me vent, you guys are the best.
Dolores55