Hello, new here

Hi!

I've been lurking around this forum for awhile and decided to join in.
I was diagnoised with major depression and anxiety-panic disorder about a year ago. I always knew that something was wrong with me but I denied it for years then last year I couldn't take the panic attacks anymore and decided to go see a doctor.

The hardest part of having this disorder is that it's really hard to find someone who understands what I'm going through. Most people that I talk to think that it's all in my head and the reason I can not get over it is because I'm too weak. I've lost many people in my life because they could not handle the fact that I'm not perfect and they think I'm just overreacting about everything. I even had my close friend's bf tell me that my friend can't be close to me anymore because it's too hard for her to watch me go through my problems. It's funny how people think I'm this perfect person when they first meet me...then when I trust them enough to open up to them they drift apart.
Now I don't talk to anybody about my problems. And it's so hard to keep it all inside.

I hope to gain some inspiration from this forum.

hey purple dream_

Welcome to the forums. I'm glad you decided to pop in and say hello. As you probably have notice by just reading threads here, all of us (in one way or another ) have experienced similar feelings and situations. I don't tell many people about what i'm going through, but i seem to have had better luck with the ones I have told. The ones I have told have been very excepting. I think it has to do with where i am and maybe my age? (not really sure, cause i think people all ages and in all locations can respond in any way), but the people i tell seem to understand and never push. In the past i had problems, like the ones you describe, and those people are no longer a part of my life. I have a hand full of good friends and thats all i really care to have now. The others have in one way or another faded away. I remember having a real hard time coming to terms with myself (I knew something felt off, but was in denial) -- still do in some ways. But, like you said, it just became too much and i had to deal with it one way or another. So here i am :)

I think it good that your facing what is going on. I think that trying to act a certain way (like everything is perfect) does only make it harder on yourself, but it takes a lot of courage to face these sorts of things. Lots of people just cover them up with abusing substances (i did for 12 years), but sooner or later it seems to catch up to you. And something i'm now learning is there are a lot more people out there (probably some of the same people the pushed you away) have problems of their own and they're scared to face them. When you openly discuss what is going on with you, it sometimes scares people away because in a way it forces them to look at themselves, and for some thats too hard for them to do...

Anyways, welcome again...

Dan

G

Welcome Purple Dream

I am Kitt, and I am so glad you found this site.  I know you will find the members caring and warm.  Please know that we care and post your problems as well as receive and share support.

Again a warm welcome.

Kitt

Hi Purple Dream - first and foremost welcome but secondly you are NOT weak. My therapist said that it's usually very strong people who get panic attacks - due to putting a front on all the time and coping!!?? There is nothing to be ashamed of with panic, it's your body's way of saying slow down! I felt like you in as much as I never wanted to let anyone down and was too embarassed to talk about it - but honestly the more you talk, the better you feel and the better you get! Talking is wonderful therapy.

Purple_Dream,

First of all, welcome to the forum!

Second, you know you are not alone. And you aren't weak. I understand completely. I denied my problems for a while, until it got really bad and I opened up to a friend. She told me I had to get help and she started drifting from me. Like she was afraid of me or something. Since then I told one of my other friends, who has been through some of the same things, which I didnt know until I told her and she told me! But, I understand. I am the perfectionist type at everything I do. And the anxiety/panic/depression takes away from that. It makes me feel weak, but I have realized that people don't go through this who are weak. A weak person would not be able to go through this. It takes a special, strong person to deal with what we do everyday. You are not weak!

I have told a few people, most saw me as the perfectionist person, then after telling them they act like they are scared to be around me. I don't trust people easily. It takes alot for me to able tot trust someone. And to trust them enough to tell them what I feel inside and then they drift away and reject me, it breaks my heart. And most of the time, except my one friend, I keep it all inside to myself. Its even hard for me to open up to my counselor. I have been going for months, but I haven't yet developed enough trust in her even. So, it takes alot. But I keep going because I am strong. And you are to! So, dont worry about others, dont worry about what they think. You are still you no matter what. If they want to drift away, they are missing it. They are missing out on you. Its there loss.

So, anyways, welcome to the forum! I know you will find tons of support here! Wishing you only the best,
       .......Tennis.......

Hi Purple Dream, First and most importantly, Welcome to the Healing Well family.  As others have already said, you will receive a lot of support and help from this great family - I myself am so happy that I joined HW, as I have received a lot of great advice.  Part of what makes such a good place to come and post whatever your thinking, feeling, or whatever is on in your life - you will never be judged. You will only receive support and help. Finding/keeping friends who know what your problems are can be difficult.  I know that I have lost some friends and even some family because they have pulled away - I think they are just scared because they can't do anything to help.  It's too bad they do that, because just being able to have them to talk to, or get hugs from them some times is the best thing.  I have just a very small circle of friends and family that I confide in because I trust them and know they will support me.  I miss others that have pulled away, but I cannot have them in my life if they just can't deal with it. As others have said so very well, YOU ARE NOT A WEAK PERSON.  You've had a lot going on in your life since you were a little girl and you are strong.  But now it's time for you to concentrate on taking care of yourself.  I have been told this so many times now, I can here it in my head all the time.... .  But it really is the truth, it's time for you focus on getting better and you CAN DO IT - just remember it's not an overnight fix, it will take time, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I hope you continue posting here and know that this is a great family and we will help and suport you. Take care, Wen