anxiety and religion

I have just turned 20. As you may know from my other posts, i have been suffering from anxiety, depression and panic disorder over the past year and became agraphobic for about 6 months. I am on quite a lot of prozac and am starting to get my life back, but i am still very troubled with OCD. I don't know if these symptoms are actually ocd related, because my therapist and doctor only touched on it with me, as panic disorder was the main problem i talked about, because it stopped me functioning altogether.

I get these times, well pretty much all the time every day to be honest, where i feel like i need to pray or bad things will happen. I have a kind of set prayer that consists of things i feel are important at the time, and i kind of recite it i my head, and if it do it wrong or get distracted, i have to start again. Trouble is, the more i try not to get it wrong, the more stressed and anxcious i get, and then as a result, i get it wrong and have to start again. Then sometimes i just can't do it right because i'm trying too hard, and i actually have to go somewhere quiet and do it out loud.

Then it gets worse, i feel like i can't pray infront of any reflective surfaces because the prayer will be reversed and i will be praying to evil instead. I can tell myself or be told that this is just stupid, but it doesn't matter, its completely beyond my controll.

My head feels FULL to the brim with thoughts, but its more like just noise, and when i lay in bed and try to sleep, it can feel so hard to shut down.

My dad died very unexpectedly in July, and then just this week my friend from my old school died. She was only 19, i can't actually belive she is gone, she was always a wonderful friend to me. I don't know what to do. I feel like if i do anything at all bad, i will get punished. I am a bisexual male, so even when i see a male as attractive, i feel i imedietly have to ask for forgiveness. I need someone to step inside my head and direct the traffic.

I don't know what i am trying to get out of this, i think i just needed to vent, i don;t think i can really talk to anyone about this here, I'm not sure they understand or know how serious its getting. I don't want to see my therapist again. I just want religion to be a comfort to me, like i know it can be for other people. I feel relationships with God to be very important, but i feel like mental illness is ruining mine.

Hello Boxcastle and BIG HUGGGSSSS. So sorry about your losses dear and know that you are not alone!!

Talk to your therapist or perhaps keep seeing the therapist and look into other ones to see if there is someone else you like.

I too seem to have undiagnosed OCD as I cannot say something that I might regret without knocking on wood after. If there isn't wood around ... I knock on anything and say "whatever might be made of wood in this... car... office..." you get the idea.

I also check door locks repeatedly. It used to be so bad I'd unlock and lock them again until I felt satisfied that every door in the house was secure enough to go to sleep.

I had a lot of problems at night with getting my brain to shut off too... which is why I started doing breathing and relaxation techniques which you can find at www.pe2000.com They can be quite helpful in times of panic or anxiety.

I would suggest seeing the therapist more often to talk about this issue of OCD... if she / he won't... then find a new one... but don't stop seeing a therapist altogether. Heck if I COULD see one I would but I have no health insurance.

Take care and *BIG HUGS*

TG~

Good Morning,

Hope you have had a chance to read the posts here and that you know how much we care.

Keep on posting :)  There is something comforting about baring your soul to the members of A & P and still being able to be anonymous.

Gentle Hugs to you.

Kitt

Hello all,
Thank you so much for your support, i honestly don't know what i would have done without this forum over the passed 5 months, it has really saved me on quite a few occasions i think.

I read what you all said, and you have really eased my mind and gave me something to think about. I think when my doctor is back in the village i will see her and talk to her about the OCD, see if i can get some more therapy because it really is getting a strain.

LYN i really really really appriciated what you said, thank you so much, i felt a very big change in myself after readig what you had to say.

thanks everyone.

Checking in to see how you are doing ......Glad I could help you out .....it is the TRUTH my friend.......no judgement ..only support and caring and acceptance........always

LUVS
LYN

MERRY CHRISTMAS