Psychosis...VERY IMPORTANT PLEASE READ!

there was some problems with the gallbladder. a lot of inflammation of the small bowel.

but something very serious hapenned & i wanted to share it because it's something that should be addressed here.

monday & tuesday i suffered a severe psychosis! it was the most terrifying experience i had in my life.

it started with not knowing what day it was, then i didn't know what i was doing (i'd do something like make a phone call and then 1/2 hour later not know i had)

monday i lay down & i start to hear voices. and it's the nurses station that i hear.

then i hear a whole bunch of comments being made about me, nasty insults...etc...

things got worse & worse & the paranoia was ridiculous!

so for 2 night i suffered severe audio paranoid hallucinations.

i got fresh at the staff there, i yelled at them.

i was convinced that they were going to kill me.

oh my God!!!!!!!!!! it was torture, i thought i really was going to die.

JZ saw me, a psychiatrist saw me too.

i had developed a massive hospital psychosis. and this was brought on by the high dose IV steroids.

aka Steroid Psychosis.  people in ICU also develope ICU Psychosis.

aaaaaaaah maaaaaaaaaaaan!!!!!!!!!!!!

people! it was horrendous.

 i feel MUCH BETTER NOW!!!!!!!  but hey had to get me outa' there ASAP. so yeah erin really snapped the teather folks! lol.

i feel soooo embarrased about it; i still can't calm down but this helps...writing about it.

the head shrink said he sees this in about 95% of all people in the ICU & 95% of all people on the IV steroids that i was.

glad to be home...the gallbladder problem feels a little better. on liquids only for a while.

ok peeps...just wanted to let ya's know what went down.

luv & hugs

erin

Oh Erin,

Can you feel the love and hugs coming from Florida???  As much as I can send is heading your way....I cannot even imagine what you've been through!!  Like Yally said, what on earth can happen to you next?  It is killing me not to be able to do something to help you...please know that we all love you and have you in our thoughts and prayers...

I'm with Yally...lets get that gallbladder out of there!!!  I know you love JZ, what on earth is he saying about all of this???  Please keep us posted...we've all been so worried about you.

Hugs upon hugs,

Jody

hey now...signing in from the "CooKoo's Nest" here, , LOL...nah just kiddin'.

hah, my poor Joe! poor guy having to hear all my crap!  but he's been sooooo good about it all & very understanding.  he's starting to tease me about it which is good because it makes me feel better to start to laugh about it.

has anyone ever seen "Exorcism of Emily Rose"?...well, that's a pretty darn good picture of what went on! i was hearing all sorts of crap & flippin' out & i can't even remember what things were flying out of my mouth.

i think you all should look this up when you get time; last night i read a fantastic report on exactly what happened to me. all i googled was "Steroid Psychosis" and you'd be shocked by the prevelance of it.

anywhoo...the gallbladder crap:  i had a Hyda Scan, a CT w/ contrast and an ultrasound. (i couldn't tolerate the barium follow through due to the barfing).

the scans for the gallbladder were so interfered withby inflammation that almost everything was a bit "inconlusive".  the gallbladder was definitely functioning which JZ said was great; but....there was something about the passageway between one thing & another? inflammation mostly, and also something called gallbladder "Sludge"? i have to take a pill called USVR?  mmmm? i'll check later what the bottle says, but it's just an enzyme or something to heelp clear out the gallbladder ducts?  i never heard of it before.

an excacerbation of the Crohns disease "could have" been the problem too; because there was a heightened area of inflammation in the right small bowel (very near where i was having the pains).

after 2 days in the hospital the abdomen pain got a little better; the pain got A LOT better but the nausea & vomiting took A LONG time to cease. 

whatever the heck the real issue was...it got better when i had no food or liquid by mouth.  so for now the RX is to do liquids only, REST, SLEEP!!!!!!!, antibiotics, the sludge stuff & see how the next week goes.

oy! 

i'm having a hard time getting over what went on, i'm sooooooo embarassed!  and it feels like you can't turn your freakin' mind off! 

so Joe took me home last night, i'm with him now...going to stay here AS LONG AS POSSIBLE! lol  The peace and quiet is doing helping tremendously.

but seriously, when you all get a chance look up that steroid psychosis...it's really interesting stuff.

off to go talk to Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds....just kidding.

luvs ya...miss you guys.

erin

I'm glad to hear you are feeling a bit better? and it sounds like they really checked your gall bladder out, and I didn't realize you also have the Chrohns so that probably had something to do with it all?  Last night I had that same pain under my right rib cage but it only lasted for about 20 mintues and then it was gone.  For you, you probably aren't a good candidate for gall bladder surgery right now anyway unless it would be an emergency right? You have been through so much lately.

I know you are embarrassed but I'm sure the staff didn't think anything of your outbursts, and Joe seems to be very loving and understanding..it is still frightening to think about I know! How much of the steroids were you taking? was it prednisone?

Just get some rest and take your meds, we are all thinking about you.

{all these voices i swore i heard come from the staff at the nurses station}

"I'm a B**CH, snot, brat...."

"I have a brother who's a dentist" ??????????? (wtf?)

"I'm from Phoenix!"

"I stole a vial of Morphine Sulphate"

"I stole a vial of Nexium" {of all the things to steal why the heck would i grab nexium?} lol

"I smell"

"I destroyed my room"

"I stole equipment from the unit"

"I use foot signals to communicate to visitors I had"

"I have STDs!!!!!!!"  (and someone used my bathroom & caught them too so now they have sores) [has anyone wet their pants yet? lol]

"I'm a junkie"

"I downed a bottle of zanax when i was in the ER & they saw me do it" [i wish i had...geesh!]

"I filled all of the drawers with clutter & crap"

"They were going to put drugs into my IV bags" (like chemical restraints)

"I was going to be transported to St. Barnabas Psych Hospital"

"The cops were coming too"

"My room smelled foul"

"I used to model"  [thanks...nice compliment]

"I do internet porn!" {and i swore i heard them laughing at it & actually looking at it, }

"I'm an elementary school teacher with a masters degree"  {whaaaaat????!!!!}

i also heard the voices make fun of and say the most horrible things about the night cleaning man too!!!!!!!!  uh i felt so awful!

in between the lovely conversations were noises like extremely LOUD crashes, doors slamming and also like the ceiling was cracking? plus a weird loud sweeping or brush noise.

but i was white as a ghost, drenched in sweat, shaking uncontrollably, in & out of consciousness, ramming my head into the wall to make it stop.

spiked a temp too...i was convulsing & shaking so bad you could actually SMELL the MUSCLES burning!

yeah...horrific.

what's worst is that I REMEMBER all this crap!!!!! i wish i didn't!  but hey...if this helps ANYONE out there then i know i went through it for a reason.

i just can't grab it...how can an overachiever, do-gooder, Deans' List student, compassionate, aware, caring, intelligent, straight laced person succumb to this?!?!

oy, oy, oy!!!!!!

well folks....it's been real, LOL....i'll letcha's know how i'm doing over the weekend.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO ALL!

erin

Current Meds: Avelox 400mg, 6MP 75mg, Remicade 600mgQ3weeks, Entocort,  NO PREDNISONE!!!! Nexium, Dilaudid 4mgQ6hours, Oxycontin 40mgQ12hours, Ondansetron 4mgQ4hours & URSO FORTE 500mgQ12hours.

Erin,

Welcome to Home Sweet Home!!!

That had to be a terrible experience. Skitt is right, talking about it is therapeutic and it is also an education for us. In fact I just learned something new from reading about your experience.

The first time I was hospitalized for a partial obstruction, I too was given steriods through the I.V. I had been on steriods for years off and on and know it is an evil drug, but when I had it fed to me through the I.V. at the hospital, I now believe that I too suffered from steriod psychosis!

The nurse came in my room and walked up to my bed and said, "I'm sorry I didn't come sooner, but I got really busy". Then she started to inject something in my I.V. and I asked, "What is that?" She said, "You asked for something for pain." I said,"No I didn't" and she said, "Yes, you did" then I told her "I'm sorry, I have no recollection of that. I'm not in any pain." She said it was ok and then left the room.

A few minutes later she came back in my room and I was now sitting in my chair. She came up again and was trying to put something in my I.V. again! I asked her, "what are you giving me?" She said, "You called and said you wanted something for your pain." Again I told her that I had no memory what so ever of calling her and that I felt so terrible about not remembering any of this. She said, "That's okay" and left.

about 15 min later, my husband came to visit me. I was standing in the middle of the room talking with him and AGAIN the nurse comes in and starts walking towards me. I said, "OH NO! NOT AGAIN?!" And she said, "Yes you did" I explained to my husband what has been happening and the nurse verified everything to him and I told both of them I ABSOLUTELY HAVE NO MEMORY of constantly calling her for pain meds and that I was in no pain what so ever! She just laughed and said not to worry, that it was no problem.

She never explained this to me, maybe she had never heard of it either. I mentioned it to my GI and he didn't seem concerned either.

I also have Bi-polar and was off of all my psych meds. So maybe it was a combination of the two. But I totally understand where you are coming from. Thank goodness I didn't have it to the degree that you did, but I can relate in a way.

Thanks for sharing.

Just got some time to respond to your post...you poor thing!  What an absolute nightmare you have been through....gosh never, no never will I touch a steroid!!!

I wish there was some way you could stop re-living the memories of all of this...I pray that will come with time.  Please, please don't feel so bad about yourself or embarassed, it was not you, it was the drugs, keep reminding yourself of that.  Pretty sure those nurses have seen and heard worse.  Very scary to me that the same meds they gave to you HELP you, ended up doing this to you instead.

Are those meds completely out of your system now?  Just wondering if that is part of the reason you are having trouble relaxing, on top of everything else, are there residual effects that have to wear off?  Maybe a dumb question...just a thought though.

Hey..we're sludge buddies lol!!  I had the hida scan and all that done, and that's what they found in mine "sludge".  Sounds wonderful, huh?  But, my gallbaldder function was only a 5 when it should have been around 35 if I remember right.  So, anyway, out it came.  I'm just so glad that they are watching everything so closely for you..Im sure JayZ will take good care of you.  Especially after all of this!!

Well, gotta hit the hay,  hugs to you dear..hope you are feeling better each day.

Jody

just make certain that gallbaldder will be fine.  also with all the med stuff i forget ..... did you go to a pain management guy? is that covered with your insurance?

maybe a look at all the combos you have been on over the past year might help prevent any future episodes? 

my MIL went through simular situation only heres were visual too!  funny thing is she saw a deer in her hospital room and thought it was so cute and wanted to pet it and then that next morning the news said a deer had broken through the glass enterence of that same hospital the previous night!  no joke!  and she saw all these faces too so i wondered hmmmmmm?  was the cute deer a ghost??? hmmmmm crazy but uncanny too?!   she never made any connection so why should i? 

well i hope you are all better and glad to see tons of postings.  hang in there toots we love ya!  yals