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Rheumatoid Arthritis
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Posted 12/29/2011 1:54 AM (GMT 0)
I'm waiting to hear from the Enbral financial lady, been a week now. My doctor said that nothing works so all that is left is biologics and that has me worried.

What if this doesn't work? It scares me because I have been diagnosed (after 6+years) with a rare form of Rheumatoid that not only swells the joings, but swells my heart, lungs, kidneys etc. etc. even my brain tissue (she calls is Rheumatoid soft tissue disease).

Anyway, a friend of my husbands from when he was a teen about 20yrs ago just got engaged to his girlfriend (will be 2nd wife). Anyway, they posted the proposal on the internet and I just went into a crying fit. They are both extremely healthy and plan to get married in Mexico etc. a fun time.

I'm 39, been sick my entire life and misdiagnosed till a month ago. I have never been able to move like normal people, have always had pain 24/7 without a time of rest and it just bothers me so much lately that I am so sick.

My family is great, but my daughter turns 18 next month and I have never been healthy through her life, her boyfriends mom spoils her like I wanted to and it is starting to take its toll knowing she is no longer my baby.

I am so sad right now. I can't even have relations due to pain and side effects of medication.

I feel like I am stuck and will never get better and it is really starting to look like it. My whole life just seems wasted.

Thanks for listening. I know so many of us are sick and I just finally reached my limit into depression.

God bless.
Shan
Posted 12/29/2011 3:17 AM (GMT 0)
Shan,

I hear your desperation and I feel for you.
RA takes a toll not only on our bodies but our emotions as well.

I am a lucky one who responded to medications and went into remission. I hope the Enbrel will do the same for you. I wish you sall the best! Here's to the New Year for renewed health!
Posted 12/29/2011 3:53 AM (GMT 0)
Dear Shan,

Please never give up, it is so hard for me to even read that someone can be in so much pain for so long time already... I have been lucky enough to find the medications which works fine but with RA you never know for how long it will last and what future will bring. I have always been with some kind of pain starting as a kid with horrible migraines, menstrual pains and now RA thankfully already under control. But believe me I know what pain is.

You may feel like you are loosing something in your life- your daughter is all grown up and soon she will have her own family, but I am sure she loves you so much and you will be always just one and only Mother for her. Not every Mom can give what she would like to her kids but when we grow up we know who was the most important person in our life. I am sure she loves you as much as you love her.

Good luck with Enbrel, biologics also helped me so hope for the best, be strong and never give up! Hugs!
Posted 12/29/2011 4:27 AM (GMT 0)
Hi, Shaun,

I will be praying that Embrel works out for you. I am on Humira. Generally speaking, all RA meds take a while to "kick in", even the biologics. I just took my 9th shot, and I feel so much better today. I'm sorry you are in so much pain right now. Does your doc prescribe any steroids when you are in a lot of pain? RA can be so overwhelming. I think it pretty much happens to all of us. Try to get rested, give yourself some extra TLC, and don't give up hope.

Blessings,
V
Posted 12/29/2011 6:01 PM (GMT 0)
Hello Shan, I would like to say that I am sorry that you are suffering so.

I am fairly new to the RA diagnosis but not the symptoms and medication merry go round. I sincerely hope that this medication will work wonders for you.

I have a grown daughter too and I feared losing her to "in laws" but you know, she is still mommys girl and I feel proud that she is so wonderful in her own right that they can love her as much as I do. I am sure this will be the case for you too. I would feel really sad if she had to deal with hateful/mean prospective in laws just to be with the man she loves. You are very lucky and so is she. (not rushing the marriage thing- just using it as an example)


My husband and I rarely have "relations" either. Its not just because of my health but his too. We miss it and we try to compensate in other ways but most importantly we try to understand each others feelings and know that there is much love between us no matter what goes on in the bed.

I know its hard to deal with an illness, especially when you have been suffering a long time and you see no end in sight. Have you considered getting some counseling? Many members have found them to be helpful in coping with all the issues that having an illness can bring in daily living.

Please do not give up. There are miracles in our day to day lives even when we dont see them, like the smile on a loved ones face, the cuddling of a beloved pet, the unexpected kiss from our spouse or a phone call from someone you havent spoken to in a long time. And someday, your baby having her first baby.

I will be praying for you. I will pray that this medication works and that you will find some relief in your pain.
Posted 12/29/2011 8:07 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks all of you so much. Your kind words are what I needed. I do hope to go to a psychiatrist some time in the near future, with my husband's schedule and how i can't drive (not to mention our truck got ran into so he is driving the only spare car, his moms) it makes it hard to go to any other doctor, i had so many going on right now as it is.

It's nice to see the biologics are helping so many these days.

I have been on 10mg prednisone since i got sick so many years ago, now i have something called osteopena (my spelling is usually horrible so i will do my best lol) and i have to take a ton of calcium and vit d daily. I am also on methotrexate, pain killers, ibuprofen, paxil, amitriptylin etc. luckily this gets me by. I still can't walk much, but i can get around my house luckily.

After I wrote this, a post came over twitter about a young man who died recently and how he posted a video right before he died. He was born with heart problems, had a few close calls to death and saw the white light. Not long after he made the video explaining his life and how he saw heaven, he passed away from heart problems.

This video made me just cry 100% more. I realized how thankful I am for what I have. I do go through horrible pain, but my loved ones help me through each day, I am blessed for how kind and loving my husband and daughter are. It made me feel so horrible for my depressed thoughts and helped me remember that heaven is waiting for me once god thinks my life has lived enough.

I feel better today and thank god for who I am and what I have and how this forum has such wonderful people to help me when I need to have a pitty party lol.

God bless you all and I do hope the medications do help you all through this horrible disease.
Shan
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