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Posted 9/3/2006 4:29 PM (GMT 0)

Hey everyone,

Here I was yesterday with my big mouth saying positive things and today all I feel is crap about myself. Went to a fam. picnic at my sis' cabin all day yest. My sis in law kept snapping pics, well, I saw them and wow, how bad I looked. Fat, huge, bloated.Ive gained 100 lbs since I first met my husband 20 years ago. I was classified as the hottie of the fam. before that. ha.First it was from self hatred, bad food choices, no discipline off and on, then I have to get sick 8 years ago with RA and pred. has caused me to swell, plus honestly, and I feel like I can say this here among understanding chronically ill friends, Ive had alot of guilt in the past 4 years bec. my husband has had to hold two jobs since I was forced to leave mine 3 years ago bec. of my health. So there has prob. been bad food choices becau. of emoti. stuff. Been going to school online, trying to raise 3 kids, take care of my house, my ailing mother, now they have taken me off all meds, and upped my pred. (oh, thats good confused 25 mg. day) so my self esteem is in the toilet today, plus my sis was dia. with Crohns about 2 years ago went on this miracle diet, lost all this weight (pred chin too) is better, which makes me look like more of a loser since I havent chose to go her route,besides it being way expen. anyway, been crying most of the day. Dont go to U. of I. hosp and Clinics for new Eval. until Oct. 4th. Whats up with that? sad Ive not been on any RA meds since June 4th due to an allergic reaction. (no Humira or Ibupr.) only Pred. and Vicotin for pain. I hate my life today. Feel like going to bed but have kids, housework, no groceries. Dont want to be strong today.

Cheryl

Posted 9/3/2006 4:53 PM (GMT 0)
cheryl (((((((((((hugs))))))))))))

i am so sry you feel so bad about the weight gain. i know i am too not the body my hubby married 20 years ago, but inside i am still the fun loving person. some of us are lucky and never gain an ounce and others of us find a whole other person as time passes. i have gained 25 pounds on prednisone and 40 pounds on life. i use to be a twig 100 pounds wet! i too avoid photos as they depress me. but dont dwell on it... it is not easy to loose weight ... it takes family support, love of self, and a healthy life plan with no short cuts to get results. there is no easy way to loose weight and those of us who struggle with it need to not give up hope that each little step makes a difference in a healthier life.

i know all the right things to do but probably like you never had to do them. i could eat anything and never gain an ounce, now everyday another pound finds its way.

dont get down on yourself for the turns in life you have been given. it sounds like you have a supportive husband who is working hard for his family he loves. talk to him and maybe he can support you which ever road you choose. (sounds like rod stewart) hehe

one thing i know for certain positive attitudes breed positive attitudes and visa versa ~so know these are hard times on you physically but you have friends and family that love you regardless and i am certain great kids who love their mom.

so, do your hair and put on some make up today dress and feel pretty and maybe you will feel better about the beautiful person you have become. and if you dont feel like it that is ok too! we are all here an understand.

take care and God Bless ~*yalinda
Posted 9/4/2006 12:50 AM (GMT 0)
Cheryl,

I'm sorry to hear you're having such a bad day--perhaps tomorrow will be a better day for you. I know a family reunion is just the thing to make everyone feel bad about him/herself! i agree with Yalinda--go do something nice for yourself. Get your hair done; manicure; pedicure; new outfit.

have a good night,
Elcamino
Posted 9/4/2006 2:37 AM (GMT 0)

hi- sorry for youre not feeling good about yourself today..tomorrow is a new day!!!

i try to stay away from high school reunions also!!!!

but that is besides the point today is done but tomorrow will be better!!!!

Posted 9/4/2006 4:46 PM (GMT 0)

Thanks everyone.

Yesterday at 3 p.m pulled myself out of bed, after bawling to my 23 yr old-He understands tho, his gf has Crohns, I got dressed, put on make-up and took my 15 yr old to the grocery store with me. Made a huge dinner for my husband and sons and I feel alot better today. Vented to my honey last night too, who usually pulls me up out of this plus having you all is great!

Thanks everyone!

Cheryl

Posted 9/5/2006 12:38 PM (GMT 0)

Hey Cheryl,

Those days are inevitable...it stinks that they happen, but boy when they hit? they hit hard.

Feels like we'll never get through them and feels like they will never pass either.  It is an awful feeling.  I believe these feelings are specific to chronic illness.  It's a little different from "normal" people's "bad days".  To reassure you though...it is NORMAL to feel this way.

SO glad you have a strong support system, for that is most important.

And yeah, I do the same...make-up always helps!

Like for today? I really do not feel physically the BEST...but I'll do my darndest to have a good hair day! LOL.  Superficial? yeah...but important! tongue

Take care Cheryl.

Erin

Posted 9/5/2006 9:29 PM (GMT 0)
hi cheryl, just wondering how you are doing today? hopefully feeling better about yourself :) i have teenagers too! 14 and 17. i noticed the number 62 in your sign on name. it was a good year? well hope this post finds you and everyone else out there reading feeling and healing well! ~* yalinda
Posted 9/5/2006 9:57 PM (GMT 0)
Yalinda! Great job uplifting! I like that..."Feeling well and healing well..."
:)
Posted 9/6/2006 1:13 PM (GMT 0)

Hi

Yes, 62 is my birth year. Ill be 44 in Nov. Thanks for all your uplifting. yeah I wish I couldve found this forum years ago. Off to celebrate my 11 yr old sons bd. today. Doing better emotionally plus my honey has taken the day off. Yea! More love! tongue

Thanks again

Cheryl

Posted 9/6/2006 6:45 PM (GMT 0)
i am older as i turn 44 in october! hehehe gosh where has the time gone? enjoy your day with the favorite men in your life. talk to you lata yalinda
Posted 9/10/2006 5:06 AM (GMT 0)

Boy Cheryl, I'm often there too! sad   I hope you are doing much better now! I'm 36, been w/hubby 16 years, have 2 little ones, and have gained 80 lbs due to all this unwanted health crap, I too was the 'hottie' for a short while until this all began. And have/had many of the same gripes and more....

But, before I get myself and everyone else depressed - feel better. We sometimes have to go down before we can get back up. It stinks.....but, i guess we're learning something along the way, right? I don't know WHAT, but something! Maybe it's tolerance and understanding for others we will encounter in the future....hope for other to show them, "YES, you can and will get through times like these!" :-)

Take care.***

Posted 9/10/2006 2:39 PM (GMT 0)

Thank you so much for that CaMama. :-)

It helps and has been helping SO much having everyone in my life. Its been a tough month or so emotionally and Im not sure why. I have been like Erin most of the last 7 years, having a disease, but it not having me. Maybe since I have to go and see new docs next month and have had to go off all meds, except. Pred.... that has thrown me. Fear of the unknown of new people looking at me? I dislike change anyway, plus my Rheumy kinda irriated me at my last appt. too, it may have been that also. Plus having no period for months, I swear Im heading into pre-meni. My oldest sis started in her early 40's too.

Gotta go. Its raining here. Yuck.

Have a great day all. Heres to all my new friends! yeah

Cheryl

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