Spoon Theory

Has anyone heard of the "spoon theory"? I read it a while back, and refer to it often. Today it really bothered me to read though. Being totally selfish (which I feel bad and guilty about ) I was kinda sad and angry at the same time today. I have RA, and know it will probably only get worse from here on out. I dont have any of the deformity yet, and know there are many people out there that do and that are far worse off then me. But there truly are days where I find myself "counting spoons" and "reserving " one or two for later in the day. So thats when my selfishness started...what does the future hold for me??...and if I count spoons now how many spoons will I have left for later when this disease takes more control?...will my family still try to have the patience to understand? because I feel like now I am using up their last bit of patience/belief that I hurt.
I just got upset with my sons for putting clean clothes in the dirty laundry for me to re-wash....but its not the re-washing its the carrying it up and down the stairs to the basement where the washing machine is,and going back down to switch to dryer, then folding them with my achy hands and putting them away. I try not to complain too much because I Have been told I'm whiny and everyone hurts get over it, which in turn then hurts my feelings...so I just hurt in silence most days...
Plus it hurts my heart when my children have to ask "Do you hurt today Mommy?" before they ask me to play....
So basically today is a self-pity day....which makes me angry because so many more people have it worse off than me and I feel like I "should" just suck it up. But then you go somewhere and you get the line "YOU DON"T LOOK SICK" , or like a co-worker of mine said " I have spinal arthritis I know exactly how you feel"....I just wanted to scream and say " I am sorry you have 'spinal arthritis' because I know it hurts, but try that pain in everyjoint you can think of,then add muscle pain because you sometimes baby your joints then add the fatigue and frustration then you might understand a wee bit of how I feel." but of course I didnt I just nodded and went on about my business, no sense bawling her out its not her fault I have an autoimmune disease.
well thanks for listening/reading my whine....again I am sorry to lay this on any of you but it isnt a good day today for me and I have laundry to go do,and go to work this afternoon for 5 and a half hours then back to housework and finishing laundry....what fun!
hope you have a good day. (( gentle hugs))

I think the "job jar" is a really neat idea. I will have to pass that one on to my daughter. She has three sons (6,3,1) and cannot get the oldest one to do anything for himself, and chores.....forget it. She tells him he is so ungrateful and very selfish and would like to find ways to turn this around while he is young.

TayIsa, I am right where you are with the RA. I have Ra and secondary sjogrens along with fibro. I was just diagnosed with the ra and sjogrens about 2 weeks ago but have had symptoms for about a year now.

I, too, feel like I shouldn't complain because I do not have the advanced symptoms or deformities. But, I know that they will come. I am on meds to stave them off as long as possible but I believe that is what is causing the extreme fatigue. That and the disease itself. I just don't have the gumption to move. I work full time and enjoy nice long walks in the evenings but that is about it. I just feel soooo lazy. And, I know that I am not.
I don't like myself this way and not sure when or if there is a way out. I am sorry that anyone has to go thru this. And then on top of that have to get family, friends, and coworkers to understand! impossible. I just try to take it a day at a time and see what happens.

I do agree that children should have chores and maybe yours are old enough to get some assigned to them (or the jar). Because I have difficulty with stairs I will not carry anything up or down them. My hubby or daughter does that for me.

So sorry you are having to deal with this. post anytime. I learn alot from everyone here and on the fibro site too.

TayIsa-

ROFL- I can remember being angry with my young children for doing the same exact thing and that was way before I had RA! Your a mom first- cut yourself a break and stop the guilt! Darn kids- they really keep you going. So glad mine were grown before I had to deal with RA- I give you young moms a lot of credit!

Hope you are having a BETTER DAY!

Thanks weary and couchtater for your posts. I LOVE being a Mom, and am trying really hard to get used to being a Mom with RA. Thanks for letting me lean on you all for such great moral support! Today is a better day for sure~~ my youngest is celebrating his 6th birthday today, he and his brothers make me smile. They say a smile goes a long way....:)
hope you are having a great day

Hi Tayisa, I'm coming up to 5 years with RA and my youngest (11) doesn't remember all the hours of soccer I used to play with him. He has no memory of me pre RA. I find it the most upsetting thing that all his memories will be of me in pain!

Its such a horrid disease. But I have to say now my meds are actually working properly for the first time, I am enjoying everyday as it comes. I can now walk with my kids and ride a bike along the flat, its made me feel part of their upbringing again. I can't manage surf, the buffeting of waves being too much for me, but at least I can sit and watch now.

I make the house hold chores up into pint size pieces, everyone has their job and they all help out, they've seen me bad and don't want me to go there again. They all help out.

But my daughter had to write a paper for school about the impact of chronic disease and it made me cry. The stress it causes her when I'm ill was something I'd never thought about. The stress on the family, worrying about me and taking on the running of the household, I was quite shocked. I ended up getting her to see a psychologist for anxiety issues.

Sometimes we forget the impact of it all on those who loves us.

I hope that doesn't depress you further. I had a bad year last year, it sort of all came to a head for me. But I feel so positive this year.

Sometimes,when we become overwhelmed, its time to ask for professional help. I saw a grief councellor and it really helped me get it all in perspective. We grieve for who we were, for what we have lost and when it was said to me, I realised how true that is.

I hope that helps, I don't want to burden you further, best of wishes, golitho

Thanks TayIsa,
kids are amazingly adaptable and very happy to help. They keep me joyful and help me get through bad days.
Yeah he grieving really struck a cord for me and the meditation and relaxation techniques really helped me too.
It was said to me ages ago on this forum but sometimes we just have to cope with a day at a time or an hour at a time so we don't get overwhelmed. It can really help sometimes just to go out and enjoy a coffee, enjoy the feel of sun on your skin, or the reflection of sun on water, enjoy the moment of being alive in this beautiful world.
It really helped me, its a tough disease, so easy to be bogged down with it at times. You gotta find those moments of pleasure too.
golitho

TayIsa,

there is no shame about feeling sad or angry about how you feel, so don't feel guilty about it. Good job on not pouring out your anger on that co-worker of yours. I got the same response from a lot of people when they found out I have RA.

I don't have kids, so I can't relate there. But when it comes to pain I know exactly how it feels. I also know about the sadness and the anger that comes with it, and it's ok as long as you don't let it take over your life and your relationships. So go ahead and have a bad day, but know that you are not alone. ((gently hugs))