Depressed

I think I am having the worst day since I was diagnosed with RA! The pain has me so down, the worry about how we are going to be able to make it and no work in sight, grieving still over my moms death and the fatigue in my muscles! What to do when all this is weighing so heavy on me? CRY, CRY, and cry some more. I am usually a very resourceful person but man, today I haven't been able to get out of this 'poor me' state. I hate this!!! I need a kick in the booty that would probably be the best thing for me. Lol

Hi Glea, I really hope that things get better. I know just how you feel. I have been battling it as well over the last few weeks. I tapered off of prednosone last week and my flare came right back with a vengeance. I have been eating alot of pain killers which I loath. I am able to work some days but most days I have not been able to. I fluctuate between a range of emotions and it can be pretty overwhelming. Today sitting in line to get gas I thought about how much it was going to hurt to get out of my car and pump gas. I actually got choked up at the thought of it. I'm generally a pretty tough guy so you get a pretty good idea where I have been mentally the last few weeks. It has not been easy.

I said a prayer for you. I pray that God gives you the strength you need and refreshes your mind and heart. I really hope you have the support you need for when things are bad. My family as well as my church have been so supportive through all of this, when I am at a low they lift me up and it helps me to make it through the day. I hope you have some people in your life you can share your hardship with. You might have to go out on a limb and open up about how down you are feeling.

I pray a lot especially when I am in a flare. I also meditate and it helps me to feel refreshed even though the pain just seems to never end.

I know its hard to get in and out of the tub but baths really help me as well to release some of the stress. For lack of a better description; I hold my pain in my body and I have a very hard time relaxing and releasing it. Its really not easy to describe because it isn't like I stop hurting (Oh how I wish) only that it seems to have this cumulative effect where it builds and while my flare is certainly painful my whole body seems to become tense and rigid. Anything you can do to let some of it go will help.

The other night I was up late, in complete agony, emotionally I felt totally drained. I said a quick prayer and asked God to help me release the pain. I then sat down and pecked out a list of the blessings in my life. It was slow going at first but as I looked back over the years I saw so many things to be grateful for.

Even including my life and experience with RA.

I have been able to share with people about what I have gone through. I have as well been able to offer an ear of support to others that are afflicted with simillar diseases. I would never be able to do any of this without having this disease. I know it sounds pretty nutty that I am actually grateful for this but I can not change the fact that I have RA. I may very well go into a remission at some point but the disease will always be there. Chances are that there will be many flares over the years as well. I don't want to look on this disease as only a curse. When I do I am trying to defy a thing that is a part of who I am. I accept that it is a part of me and that for better or worse I can use it as an opportunity to help someone else that is newly diagnosed or just having a heck of a bad day or whatever. I think on RA as having happened for a reason. I have no idea what that reason is but when I look at it that way I see a whole lot more hope.

Don't do too much butt kickin, you have had a lot of that just dealing with getting through your day.

Take care! -Don

Teddybearweiser,
Thanks and I hope God blesses us all with a pain free day.

Glea

Glea, hang in there. You were supportive of me, and that means so much. Just keep reminding yourself that things aren't usually as bad as they seem right now. Try to keep occupied, if at all possible. Renting a movie or having a favorite food sometimes helps. Your grandchildren must be a big source of joy for you! When your mind slips into that "poor me" mode tell yourself that this thinking is only harmful. I know, easier said then done!

It seems to me that a lot of my sadness comes from the fact that I feel that no one really understands how I feel. That's one good thing about this board...everyone here understands and sympathizes. They are going through it too.

RNwithRA, if God opened a door for me, I've yet to find it. It seems like the doors have all slammed shut. I try to keep my mind occupied, otherwise I start to feel sorry for myself.

Glea, I hope you start feeling better soon! It seems like depression also comes and goes, along with the other symptoms.

Thank you all for your support. I have limited support at home because they don't understand the pain, the fatigue or when you get up early in the morning stiff and can't hold onto anything! I am trying to educate my family on RA and on some things they are starting to understand. I think it is hard to understand something you can't see. I know how my mom felt now, and I am truly sorry for not being aware enough to help her more. I was always there for her, but I really didn't comprehend exactly what was going on until it happen to me. So thanks to whoever founded this website, it helps tremendously!
Glea

Glea,

Hope this message finds you feeling a bit better. Agree with golitho that knowledge makes this illness somewhat easier to bear.

Both my grandmother and great mother had RA and I too, wish that I had had some idea what they were going through. I wish that I could tell them that I understand now, but they are both gone. I guess the best thing we can do now is support others who find themselves struggling with this illness.

Wishing you some pain free days on the near horizon...