Back on the roller coaster

Well, It seems easier for me to respond to, and hopefully help others, than address my own issues.  I feel like by the time I want to write, it's too much and the same old thing.  Nothing new there.

The doctor changed my meds about 3 weeks ago to 900 mg lithium, 100-200mg serequol and 2 mg royhpnol.  I felt like I was going down again.  Everything started to upset me.  Work was driving me insane so I spoke to my boss and told him I wanted to give up my position as Director and go back to my old job.  He didn't honor my request and I can't quite so I am stuck right now with a huge burden of dealing with upset customers.  I get so depressed after a day of being torn apart.  I hate answering my phone.  Anyway, I went back today and was put back up to 1200mg lithium and he said we will see how that goes.  See ya in a month. UGHHH!  I hope it helps.  I have also been fighting the father of my foster children.  He wants to take them back to his village and has made them stop staying at the house.  It really kills me.  I have been taking care of these children for 5 years. Since they were born. Tis the season.  I just can't get into it.  I hope I will at least have them for Christmas, but you never know.  It just seems like life is throwing some big hits right now. I am looking for another job, but jobs for foreigners are very hard to come by.  I may look at working on a mega yacht, but need to know what is happening with my kids first.

See I told you alot is going on.  No burden to anyone just wanted to get it out and considering my partner and I are don't speak about it and have been fighting this is my only outlet. Hope everyone else is enjoying thier holiday season.

You know I have really tried not to feel that way, but it is just very difficult.  I see people with problems much larger than my own and by nature would rather help them and put my own problems aside.  I guess I have always tried or had to help others and my problems have been insignificant.  I am trying to work on it, I guess that is why I am here.  My feelings and problems are just ignored at home so I guess I am kind of used to it.  I have to be here and support everyone else and deal with my own frustrations silently in my head.  I really am glad I found this site.  I have met some really great people, Wen, Serefena, Olivia to name a few who have really helped, but still feel like I will get scolded or shushed for over reacting.  I know that would not happen here, but it is a fear of mine.  I get excited when I see I have a message and yet scared at the same time.  Strange I know.
On another note if things come in 3's I better beware.  Yesterday I waled out by the waterfall and started watering my big orchid tree and when I stepped on the walkway behind the house and looked down there was a viper coiled up about a foot from me. I never jumped and ran so fast in my life.  Needless to say I got my staff to take care of it(for good). They confirmed 1 bite and dead in 6 hours.  Very scary thinking about the kids and dogs, but that's just one of many things we have to watch for here. Anyway, then We went shopping and a motorcyle with a man, woman and child ran into our car.  It was amazing that they did not fly off of the bike and our driver did not swerve into another lane. I hope the 3rd is a small one. What a day.

Thanks Olivia.  I guess when I feel like this I do feel like I am 1000's of miles away from anyone who understands.  It is nice as I have said many times to have a place to go and feel at home and have people understand me. Even better is they become friends. I am feeling better tonight.  I had a friend who owns a restaurant ask me to do all of thier appetizers and help with their dinner tomorrow night.  It is exhausting, but keeps my mind busy. They are only expecting about 40 so it won't be too bad.  Tonight i am doing all of the cold items and tomorrow I will go to the rest. after work and do the hot and then help with entree's.

I am "patiently" waiting for my lithium to kick in and just hope it's not too much.  I guess I'll know soon.

I am still very upset about Bank and Bem.  I really hate not seeing them and can't imagine losing them, but I am in a foreign country and don't have much say.  I may have to start throwing money around to try to get things my way, but there are no guarantees.  I will just pray for the best and hope I will get a special Christmas wish.

Just a quick question.  Has anyone heard from Wen.  I sure hope she is doing well.

Good evening all

Thanks alot for the kind words. How much notice do I have to give you to fly you here to kick some but for those who will not listen or acknowledge my BP?  It's about a 28 hour flight plus a short 2 hour drive so you will have plenty of time to prepare.  Just kidding, but thanks for the offer.  It makes me feel so wonderful just to have the gesture.  It's kinda sad that I have to come here to feel good and accepted for who I am and what I am going through, but I wouldn't trade it for anything.  I sometimes get a knot in my throat when reading the emails.  I know a bit sappy, but true.

Thank you so much for caring. Everyone.  What a wonderful gift I have been given. I am truly blessed.

Take care and know that I am here for anyone that needs a lift as so many of you have given to me.