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What more can I do to feel better?

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Bipolar Disorder
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Posted 1/18/2008 12:32 AM (GMT 0)
Just transfered to a new college, again (3d school in two years). I am living in a transfer dorm, but I havnt met many people because of my social anxiety. I thought this time it would be different, another beginning. Ive been living at home for the last year, growing more and more depressed. I was hospitalized twice this winter, and in the hospital they diagnosed me as bipolar. Ive been taking meds for depression, anxiety, and ADHD since sophomore year of high school. Im not getting any better, Ive had depression, but never for this long and never this bad. Im sick of isolating myself, but afraid to death to socialize. I have a counselor here at school and at home, a psychiatrist and Im on meds; I dont know what more I can do to try and feel better.
Posted 1/18/2008 1:51 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Evelyn,

Welcome to the site, and I hope we can offer some support, and dare I say it, something of a (slightly) social outlet. It's a supersafe one, but there you have it.

It's soooo hard to feel social in the midst of a mood disorder, and it's made all the worse by the pressure you feel to do something about it. Probably people are telling you to go out? You need to feel a little bit better about yourself in order for that to feel okay, I always find. Do you have any friends you can rely on, anyone you already know and are close to, or are you really isolated? If you're really isolated, try to rally some energy (which is half the battle when you're depressed, I find) and force yourself to try something a little daring-- smile at someone who seems nice in class and try to strike up a conversation, maybe.

Do you have anything you're passionate about otherwise that you could maybe find a social outlet for on campus? Politics? Writing fanfiction? Poodles? You know what I mean?

serafena
Posted 1/18/2008 1:53 AM (GMT 0)
Evelyn,

I would like to welcome you to the HW family and the Bipolar Forum. There are a lot of people on this forum that are dealing with the same, and maybe can relate too.

Depression is a hard to get rid off, when it's around it stays for a while. When I was in my teens I used to get depressed up to 2-3 years at a time. As I got older the times shortened, but depression def. takes a greater toll on me than my manic states.

I know what you mean by having a hard time in meeting people in college. I have had moments where I made friends easily, and other times I just can't do it. Anxiety, and my moods played a big part in how I socialized. But I work on it all the times.

Again, welcome! Please do not hesitate to keep posting.
Posted 1/18/2008 2:03 AM (GMT 0)
thank you serafena for replying so quickly. I was pretty much holding my breath until someone replied!
I have a boyfriend who has helped me immensely with being more social, but I really don't have any friends. For the last year my mom has been my friend.

my best friend is my art. I just transfered to a new school where I was accepted to the art program. I am really proud of myself for getting in. I am majoring in photography and graphic design.

I really just have to give myself a break. It is only the second week of school. I am making some connections with people in my art classes. Its just when I go back to my dorm that I feel so lonely.
Posted 1/18/2008 2:20 AM (GMT 0)
You're right, you definitely need to give yourself a break!!! Congrats on getting into the new school and the new art program. If you put too much pressure on yourself to socialize, you'll make it all the harder. Try and relax. You're absolutely right that the art classes will breed connections. Those dorms can be deadly, I know, though. Just give it a little time. Is your boyfriend at the school with you?
Posted 1/18/2008 6:38 AM (GMT 0)
Evelyn7, Congrats on getting in to college, on being open and honest with what you are going through, and for reaching out. ALL great things you should be very proud of yourself for. Now...TAKE A DEEP BREATH. Sometimes I think we all forget to breath at times. A point I would like to make to you to consider also, is that DORMS are not always great places to be social. A couple of things you should know about me, I am not BP, but the wife to one, and the mother to another. So, I am already feeling maternal here -LOL.

But here it is in a nutshell....My first year in college, I lived in a dorm. Even without having the emotional challenges that you do, I felt isolated, lonely, and imprisoned being there. Everyone socialized at a superficial, recyclable level that I was not comfortable with. Growing up I had a LOT of social problems with kids my own age, because I emotionally matured very quickly due to my life's circumstances, and therefore they had a hard time relating to me. So, like my S today (he is 8th grade now), when I was in Elementary school, I was excessively bullied. But, by Jr. Hi, and High School, things sorted out and I made lots of friends (but I was still not problem free about it)...but the key was...I made friends that were lasting so I felt safe (those friends are still joyously in my life). Anyway, here I was put in a situation with all new people, and no safety net of some of my friends around....I was living in these close quarters, with a bunch of strangers who all seemed to have already known each other somehow (even though they didn't)....it was HARD. I didn't know how to connect with these people, and I am not exactly what I would call shy. But, I wasn't good at just "joining in". I was working so hard to do it right, that the only person I made real friends with was my 2nd roommate (the first was a disaster!). And she is still my close friend today. But dorm life overall was VERY hard on me. It wasn't until I got my own apartment, life immediately improved for me. I am bringing this up to acknowledge that you REALLY need to breathe and give yourself a break. It isn't all you. It is also a HARD place to suddenly be thrown into in the best of circumstances. So with the additional issues you are coping with on a daily basis...recognize that if you are slow and methodical...you'll get there. You'll make friends, you'll create your own circle. But maybe the dorm won't be were you mainly find that. I am not saying you won't, but if you don't, don't think it is solely because of you and your "issues". I really may not be. But I assure you, slowly you will find your way, and you will find your friends. Just keep doing what you know to do, and give yourself permission to step back when you need to.

I think I rambled a bit, but I hope you get my point. Good thoughts to you. LFW
Posted 1/24/2008 3:56 AM (GMT 0)
Ive been up and down the past few days. I went to the gym on monday (MLK day which we had off school) and worked out for about two hours. I felt so good after. I went to lunch with 2 RA's, sat down and talked to people in the hall who were doing hw, and went to dinner with someone on the floor. Monday was the best day I have had in a lonnnng time. I have to attribute my lifted mood to exercising. There is a catch though, since being on adderall I have lost a lot of weight (Im 96 lbs) I feel sickly and am now self conscious that people will think I am anorexic, which I am not. Now Im just making excuses for myself, which I am really very good at.

My boyfriend does go to the same school and lives near by, but not in the dorms. And although he has issues also that he deals with on a daily basis, he is my rock. It probably is not the "right" thing to do, but it gives me satisfaction and makes me feel better to help him out with his struggles of addiction.

I will try to give myself a break. I really have to remind myself to physically BREATHE, because when I panic I hold my breathe. I am going to try out yoga or some sort of meditation.

Thank you so much for your feedback, It really helps a lot.
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