new to bipolar

I think I might have bipolar disorder. I have suffered from depression on and off nearly all my life. I've been on and off antidepressants and tranquilizers since I was 15 yrs old. I'm now 48 yrs old. I just did a questionnaire on it and it said I most definitely was.
I hardly ever see a doctor now, just get repeat prescriptions for amitriptyline, which I'm always trying to cut down or come off of, because I've always believed it was an illness that a could get better from. I feel even worse now because that means I'll never get better.
I was really nasty to my husband last night, telling him everything that was wrong in our marriage, and blaming him for everything. I think I really hurt his feelings. But this morning he was just acting normal as if nothing had happened, and I feel so guilty. Sorry for venting my feelings on your forum, but I don't have anybody to talk to.

Hi Shelby,

Welcome to the board. No need to apologize -- this is a good place to vent.

It's time to make that doctor appointment and have a real conversation with your doctor about your moods. The questionnaires just don't cut it -- they're a starting point, nothing else. Take it in to your doc and tell him/her your concerns. And if I may make a further suggestion, don't take it to a gp, take it to a psychiatrist. GP's know only the basics about mental health, some moreso than others. If you really want to get the best opinion about what's happening with your moods, go to a psych.

Bipolar is a lifelong disorder, but it sounds like you were on and off chronically depressed anyway (33 years!), so perhaps the time has come to face the facts about whether or not your mood issues (whatever title they may have) are "getting better." That's similar to how bipolar works as well. Some times are better than others, but they're never gone.

I wish you luck and hope we can help with any questions or concerns you may have,
serafena

Shelby,

I too wanted to welcome you to the forum.

I am with Serafena, now is a good time to make an appointment with a Dr. You've waited a long time for this. Please keep up posted on how things are going with that, and best wishes.