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Insecurity due to BP.....

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Posted 4/13/2008 3:51 AM (GMT 0)
Does anyone else constantly battle insecurity due to being BP?

Tonight my next door neighbor was having a party and she was blaring music TERRIBLY loud. I mean it was awful. Normally I'm pretty easygoing, but this was way overboard. I called her and asked her if she could turn one of the speakers in another direction. (Away from my house!) She was very rude and basically told me no. I have lived here for ten years and have gotten along with her previous to this.

After this happened, I started feeling depressed and like a loser. I started thinking that she would tell all the neighbors what a b**** I was, etc. (which maybe she will). But I know in part of my brain that I had every right to call and politely ask her to turn it down.

Because of my illness, I always feel one step away from disaster. I always feel as though I am to blame for everything and that I have done something wrong. I am so tired of it.

Thanks for listening.

 

Posted 4/13/2008 4:24 AM (GMT 0)
I say wait till she is nice and hungover in the morning and blast music iin the direction of her bedroom window. Of course my meds do not have me stable so you might not wanna take my advice. Still it sounds like a perfectly great idea. I don't think you did anything wrong. try not to worry about her, she doesn't sound worth it.

Posted 4/13/2008 4:29 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks lostandfound...you made me laugh!

Posted 4/13/2008 4:32 AM (GMT 0)

martha,

i have the exact opposite problem:  pronoia.  i mistakenly believe that i am the greatest (with a nod to Mohamed Allie) and that everyone loves me.  this ailment is, from what i understand, more common with bp:  grandiosity.

you may simply be oversensitive to your malady.  you know, like you stub your big toe and later in the day a desk falls on it and then someone steps on it?

we can blame all of the problems in the universe on bp.  actually\, i believe that it is caused by georgeieboy in dc and, when she was alive, my mother blamed it on man going to the moon and stirring up moon dust.  pays your money and takes your choice.

yes, you DID have every right to ask your neighbor to be sensitive to your needs.  she as a witch (or something that rhymes with witch) and was totally insensitive and rude.  that was yesterday.  someone in this forum had a tag line that read:  "don't let your yesterday spoil your tomorrow."  great advice.

hope this helps.

warren

Posted 4/13/2008 2:41 PM (GMT 0)
Martha,

I have the opposite problem too. I have thoughts that I deserve some peace and quiet, I this, I that. Yes, it is usually centered around me, but of course I think/feel that I deserve the best but to the extreme. That is when my bp is talking. These grandiose thoughts do slip in and out even when I think I am stable. I guess that is part of having this illness, you never know when things will occur. ha ha

I wouldn't worry to much about it, for all you know the other neighbors were annoyed as well. If it bother you so much when things have calmed down with you, try to have a friendly talk with your neighbor.

And yes, "Don't let you yesterdays, ruin your today." That used to be my tag line, but I changed it. I don't know why, that is a great thing to live by.
Posted 4/13/2008 2:56 PM (GMT 0)

Interesting that you posted this--I'm really facing this issue.  I am so insecure about myself.  It's so awful.  On one hand, I am so proud of all that I have accomplished inspite of my bp, but when it comes to being around people, I could not be more terrified.  And in my relationship I am very insecure.  Worried so much that I'm not the one for him.

Insecurity is such an awful feeling, and I am thinking I need to start working on it so I can be who I want to be--who I used to be really.

I agree with the others about your neighbour; totally not worth worrying about.  But I understand how you felt at the time.  You are better than her really, simply because you wouldn't treat someone that way if the situation was reversed.


Posted 4/13/2008 6:12 PM (GMT 0)

Mogli,

Thanks for sharing. You are right...if a neighbor had asked me to turn it down, I would have and I would have apologized to her. You can have a backyard party with music and have fun without rattling the neighbor's windows.

I, too, have accomplished a lot in spite of my BP. I have a Master's degree, which I think I got while manicky. I was a school principal at age 25. (I kid you not.)

I was out of the work force by choice for 20 years (to have and raise kids) and then fell into a terrible depression last year while working a part time retail job. I was down in bed for months unable to do much more than go to the bathroom and stare at movies. As I slowly began to respond to meds, my psychologist suggested I get out of retail and go back to teaching. I was firghtened as hell but I went back to night school for a semester and got my certificate back. I also had to face our state teacher's exam.

Now I am working full time as a sub and looking for a fulltime regular job next year. I am scared and insecure as hell. My teaching skills are fine...it all came back like riding a bike, but I worry about getting sick again, etc.

Thnaks for listening.

Posted 4/14/2008 2:18 AM (GMT 0)
olivia: i should have remembered that it was you with that tag line. i still love it and try to live up to it. occationally i even succeed.

to my non-pronoic fellow bp-ers: we are just at different point on the same continuum. neither is the "preferred" place. as the Buddah said, "seek the Golden Mean."

there MUST be something great in all of us for us to have survived this long. or was it mr. spok's blessing, "live long and prosper?"

warren
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