Help Please

Thank you. I know that my whole church is praying for v. She has been recieving couceling through our church and going to church with us 2 or 3 days a week. She is also going to the court ordered counceling and AOP with the YMCA 4 days a week. I have tried everything I know how, to include praying for her and with her daily. the support group she has with the church is outstanding. But the last time she ran she was gang raped by 5 boys and had a gun to her head. I am not sure what her next experience will be. I just hope that she accepts god. I know that god will take care of her. She also needs serious help because of her mental illness, and I have to seek it out. this illness is called an ansestrial curse. One of her friends that was doing the same thing she is doing was found murdered last week. I was put on this earth to be her guide. I know this. What else do I do butplant god seed guide her and love her unconditionaly as God has me. Tonight after this had happened I called our friends from church to come to the jail and we all prayed for her and the rest of the family that has to go through this. My daughter is seriously ill. I cannot give up on her. God put her at my door and I will never turn away from the plans he has set before me. I am so aware who god is, He is my best friend, my savior, my father and my world. God would not have me do anything any other way. When I came to know God, He made sure that I knew it was Him. anyone that has ever been saved understands what I am saying. I know that God has plans for her. I also know that god has a purpose for me being her mother and that is to, first of all, show her gods word, guide her, protect her and respect her even if she won't. God died on the cross for our sins but the unsaved do not understand this. Thank you again for all of your prayers. It wonderfull to know that you will be praying for v and us. God bless you!

i agree with sophie.  prayer is very powerful.  but if i break my leg all of the prayer in the universe won't set it.  of course, after it is set and properly treated by a qualified physician, prayer might well make it heal faster and more thoroughly (actually, studies in England have supported this statement).

another piece of advice.  she is bp.  ok.  not the end of the world and i haven't heard gabriel's horn yet.  treat her with respect and DAMAND that she treat you with respect.  the age of consent, or majority, differs from state to state.  generally it is 18.  if your child is not yet at the age of majority, she has no rights under the law (except, of course, not being abused).  i would try dr. phil's "commando parenting."  sending her to her room when it is filled with her paraphernalia, phone, tv, vidio games, etc. is like sending her to disneyland.  try removing everything from her room but a mattress, a "pallet."  she earns the other stuff one at a time by following the rules.   if she messes up, she may well lose some of her stuff.

i have bp, chronic excruciating back pain, and copd, with the chronic bronchitis becoming active quite often.  several days in the hospital last month from it.   my wife doesn't cut me any slack.  i get up and do my daily activities (shower, clean the cat litter tray, have a breathing treatment, etc) and am ready to go by 9:00.  if something happens, like my back kept me wake most of last night, my wife and i renegotiate the start time.  it works.  of course i want to get and stay as well as i can and my wife wants to help get and keep me there.  we have a synergy.  i suggest getting one with your daughter.  it won't be easy.  neither was dieing on the cross (if you believe that it really happened).  by the way, not everyone on this board is christian and some might take offence at the rather fundamentalist sharing that went on in this thread.  personally, i believe that if a religion or belief helps a person deal with this world, more power to them and their belief.  however, i happen to be one of those who is not a christian:  i'm jewish.  and, yes, i know what the perfect love of my god is.  in judaism, hell is the state of being without god.  heaven is the state of being with god.  Micah said, "what doth the lord require of thee?  but to love mercy.  to do justly. and to walk humbly with YOUR [emphasis added] god."  being close to my god is just as important to me as it is for any christian or muslim or buddhist or whatever.  we all seek the same unity with our god(s).  may he/she bless you with enlightenment.

warren

Iluvher,

First let me welcome you to the site, I'm tardy in doing so. Second, I am so sorry to hear about your struggles. You must have immense frustration. You can't force your daughter to take a pill, it's true. And besides, if she's doing any drinking or taking any drugs, it's actually dangerous. She certainly sounds like she's in a manic phase and hospitalization might be the best thing for her. She'll be safe, they'll hopefully get her stabilized again. She's not well enough to be responsible for her own behavior and she's not responding to your concerns. I know hopsitalization has a terrible stigma attached but a good many of us on this board have been there and actually come out better because of it. It's no fun, that's for sure, but it does help sometimes.

serafena

I hope you all know how much this and others with this disorder is and has helped me to understand. I was so angry with her friday. I now know that I need to be angry at what she did, not taking her meds, and not her. I did not understand what this disorder can do to a person. Of course I do not have this, so I cannot understand what she has to be going through. Please be thinking of her monday morning around 9:00 am. I hope that everything that needs to happen for her will.

I agree that this is unhealthy behavior and I whole-heartedly understand that you love her and want the best for her and your family.  However, now it sounds like things are escalating and getting dangerous. I'm going to share my story with you regarding my son who is now almost 16 (I'll try to keep this short).  When he was 10 he became depressed and suicidal and I had to hospitalize him in a psychiatric ward for 12 days.  This was the most heart-wrenching thing I have ever done as a parent, we never ever have to expect to do that with our children.  After returning home on some new meds, he ran away several times.  He was even taken to the police department in handcuffs once because he became physical with both myself and his sister (my husband wasn't home at the time).  I wasn't able to physically restrain him, that's why I called the police.  The police did tell me that if I felt endangered by him, I could restrain him even though he was a minor - it was just that I'm not physically able to do it, he's too strong.  This also resulted in a hospitalization.  Within the course of 6 months he was hospitalized a total of 4 times, the last time because he set a fire in my house.  As much as I loved him, I knew that I had to take drastic measures because I didn't know what he would do next.  I then found out that he had been beating on his sister as well as everything else.  I pressed charges against him for the fire and the beatings.  When we went to court, he was immediately taken out of our home and put in placement.  During the placement, a battery of tests were done, different meds were tried, he had to participate in therapy (which he wouldn't do when he was living at home).  The final diagnosis was Major Depression with Psychotic Features (he hears voices when not on meds); Bipolar still hasn't been completely ruled out and it wouldn't surprise me if he ends up with that diagnosis some day.  He was in placement for 2 years, was able to come home on weekends, holidays, and vacations as long as he didn't have any major problems during the week at the treatment center.  He did have problems here and there, but was always able to come home on those passes.  Although these decisions I had to make were extremely difficult for me and I second-guessed myself every step of the way, it was the best thing I could have done for him.  He is on the right combination of meds and is doing well at home (has been home for nearly 2 years now), his grades are good and is looking for a summer job. So remember, you may have to make some tough decisions about your daughter, but you have to think of the safety of your daughter as well as the rest of your family. I hope this story has helped a little bit (even though this turned out to be longer than I had intended).  I will keep you and your family in my thoughts. Take care, Wen

I support you in placing your child somewhere safe where she can get medical help. SHe will hate you,maybe for years. I was 13 went I went in. Ask yourself how much you love her, enough to lose her love or to watch her die? I did eventually come back to loving my parents again (it took a few years). MY mom is fragile so I am careful with her (shs's also in therapy), but my dad (who I hated the most) now helps me with my illness. HE knows about drugs that are going to be released, so I can try them ahead of times, heis always avalble by phone since I can page him (he's a doctor.) and he also works with aunt about food interactions. There the obvious ones that go w/ mt MAOI but there arer restrictions with other drugs to. They are usually mild and deal with absorbtion and metabolism.

He sends me medical journals like JAMA and articales he thinks I'd be interested in.OUr relationship is very much based on my knids though. not my illness.about 10 years ago my husband tolfdthem he was my legal gaudrian and he wanted my fater to be brains of this madness and he would not everything else.

SO far it is strain, but it helped.

Hello Iluvher,

In my opinion you need to contact whoever is prescribing her medication and call them and let them know what has been taking place with her. I would suggest you tell him/her that your daughter is in a crisis situation and you would like to have her admitted for a proper evaluation and treatment.

When people with bipolar get out of control like your daughter is, the hospital is the best decision you can make for her. She will get the proper care, proper medication adjustment, as well as group therapy and other forms of treatment from professionals who know exactly know how to care for people who have a mental illness.

Whenever I was hospitalized I came home healthier and in a better place. You can also ask about out patient therapy programs available in your area before she gets discharged to she is going into another help/support network.

You may also want to consider getting her involved with a talk therapy therapist for herself to be part of her long term wellness program. Most people with bipolar also see a therapist on a regular basis.

And find some books on bipolar and learn as much as you can about this illness because her family should be a major part of her support network.

All the best to you and your daughter and family.

Iluvher,
I am sorry that dominatly2real has decided to hijack your thread.
Unfortunately it may be deleted because of this.
We do want to help you and hope you stay.
Take Care and Good Luck,
Navy

We are waiting for Admin. So take care ya'll.

Dominately2real,

The boards are not to be used to advocate any one particular controversial point of view, they are for support. EVERYONE'S religious beliefs must be equally welcome here, therefore NO ONE is allowed to come here to proselytize. I'm sorry you don't agree with that, but those are the rules. If you can't comply with the rules, perhaps you need a more faith-based community.

serafena

Hi there,   As sad as it is, I'm happy to hear that your daughter is in a place where she cannot hurt herself or anyone else.  I too struggled with the very question you are when my son was hospitalized and then put into placement.  Do I go see him or not?  But I had to meet with the therapists the next day to talk with them, take some clothes to him, and fill out more paperwork (as if I hadn't done enough already at 3:00am).  So while there I decided to see him; needless to say he was extremely angry with me and didn't want to see me.  It was a very short "visit" - I told him that I loved him and left.  He then called me that evening, screaming at me, hating me, wishing me dead, etc.  As time went on, the phone calls became less abusive and the visits started going better.   I honestly think that you will receive similar behavior from your daughter because she just hates the world and hates the way she is right now.  Try very hard not to take it to heart if she tells you she hates you and/or the family - I know, easier said than done.  I've been there and it hurts.  But in the long run, this will be the best thing for her as she will receive the kind of treatment she needs and will most likely be put on meds to help her.  That's not to say that she won't fight them in taking them or that she will continue taking them when she is released from placement.  But you just have to have the courage to do whatever it takes to keep her and your family safe.  If she is 18 when released from placement, you should have the legal right to not allow her back into your home should she decide to not take her meds and return to her current behavior.   I know all of this is incredibly hard on you and your family, but you WILL get through it - just take it one day at a time - even an hour at a time if need be.  Just don't beat yourself up with guilt (I know all about this guilt trap and it's horrible) because you have done nothing wrong.  You have loved her and that's the most important thing.  You and your family should also consider counseling because this is so hard to deal with; you need a way to be able to come to terms with all of this too.