bad night, need to vent

so i wasn't supposed to talk to or see my ex for a week; every time i talked to him i would get really down.

well, of course i couldn't stop. i have horrible willpower. anyway, he called me tonight and i offered to give him a ride to a party, then he called once i was on my way to his house and said he had to do some things first and he'd hang out with me later at the party. i offered to wait for him,  but he got really defensive and flat out refused any compromise. his house was totally out of my way so i had an extra long drive to my friend's house; i thought he'd make it up to me, though, when we saw each other.

WELL. i got to the party and his ex whom he dated for two years was there. BIG surprise, i had no idea who invited her. but whatever. so he didn't really talk to me lke he said he would. he was really short with me, which is pretty much how he's been lately. then i walked up and tried to talk to him but he left me standing there to go talk to his ex. i was crushed. i was about to leave, but i made the mistake of going to talk to him first. i was heated. i really thought i was going to punch him in the face (i think i'm a little manic now, plus i had some beers in me =/). he took me to acorner of the yard where everyone was still in earshot and started yelling and cussing at me about how i never listen to him and i keep getting the wrong ideas and how i need to stop and i'm annoying him and it's over it's over it's over and he wouldn't hug me goodbye and it was just a disaster. seriously, everyone heard him yelling at me. and i was being quiet and calm the whole time. my personality is pretty passive. not a good thing in this situation.

i still wish i would have punched him one good time before i left. grrr, that mean old jerk put me in tears.

I'm sorry hon! You definitely don't deserve that and he definitely doesn't deserve you! Maybe tonight will be the motivation to keep you from seeing/talking to him? *hugs*

I sorry, but it sounds to me like he set you up. He must be very cruel. I certainly hope this doesn't upset you, little b, because I really like your personality you have exhibited on these boards and I care about you. Plus, I could be completely wrong because this is just speculation. But did his other ex refuse him before he called you? I tend to think the jerk was using you for back up based on his behavior at the party. Please realize, this is not a criticism of you, but an indictment of your ex. Stop wasting your time with that boob, he only wants to hurt you for his own selfish needs.

thinking of you hon! Cap and serafina bring up excellent points. *hugs*

trust me, it's a difficult situation. all your words are empowering though haha. and he is definitely taking advantage of the company i'm willing to give him...

this was his reasoning for yelling at me the way he did: "i wasn't trying to be mean, i just want to move on. and that's the only way i know how to move on."

my reply? if you have to be mean to someone to get over them, do you really think it's time to get over them?

i know for SURE we need a break from each other. we saw each other every single day, and i think we got to the point where we didn't mind hurting each other's feelings because we were just in such close quarters all the time.

i just can't forget the fact that, when it's good, it's very, very, very, very good. but when it's bad, it's absolutely terrible.

i think i'm at the point now, though, where i'm willing to be just friends and lessen communication. in the middle of our relationship he got into trouble with the law and was also put into the hospital's psych ward for five days, and he came out a completely different person. he's stressed out about a lot. he needs less on his plate and he doesn't want to have to stress about a girl. and i'm the kind of girl that comes with some extra baggage... =/

all i know is i feel much better not worrying about him as much; we've been barely talking lately. so i guess this is how it will go until something else breaks...

hon...I love you to death. from what I know of you, you're a great girl. trust me when I say this...I've been in your situation. this might be another one of those "harsh" posts, but I don't intend it to be at all. like always I'm just going by what I've heard from you so I might not know it all and don't mean to come off like I do. please don't take offense.

you're twisting the situation to suit your needs. he's said he's trying to move on. he told you just today, maybe yesterday, that he was trying to move on and being mean is the only way he knows how to do it. you take that as him loving you still and that's why he can't move on. the reason he has to be mean to you is because you won't let him move on. he has to be mean to you to get YOU to move on. while it's not the right approach, obviously no contact on his part would be the best thing, this is the only way he sees he can do this...get the point across to you. I don't know how old he is...but if he is around your age, guys are still pretty...I don't know how to say it without offending any guys...selfish, maybe? he obviously wants to move on, but at the same time he wants to take advantage of the fact that you're willing to do whatever he wants. sweetie...breakfast is not a way to repay you for anything.

I'm sorry...I've been in your situation. Friendship right now should not be an option. You are still too wrapped up in him to be friends and he's still too "selfish" to be a friend without using you. I'm not saying you can never be friends, but right now is not the time. Maybe a few years from now, yes, I know that seems like an eternity, but it's for the best. Please try your best to look at what we are telling you and know that it's coming from the heart AND from experience. *hugs*

lol...I'm an elder! never thought of it that way. thanks for making me feel old...next you'll be calling me madam lol.

it's better to be lonely than to be treated like crap...just my opinion. and if he doesn't want a commitment nothing you do can change that. you can't change anyone. it does suck...not to sound corny, but time heals all wounds. you need time away from him and it will get better. plus you need to love yourself before you love someone else. just thought I'd throw a few sayings at you. lol.

A couple of books out there that helped cure me of my compulsion to date "damaged", unavailable emotionally, men. Smart Love (sorry, I forgot author) Women who love too much, and best of all Melody Beattie wrote tombs on the subject. I keep "The Language of Letting Go"by my bed. I've probably given away a dozen copies. Love can be an addiction, a very dangerous addiction. Take care.

Haha thank you ladies.

I just had a very theraputic poetry writing session and I'm feelin good about myself. Moving on is going to be such fun...

Understandable about bitterness towards men. Most of them just don't get it.

I hope you're feeling better about the situation!

oh goodness, no need to be sorry cap. i don't really know what to say. my brain is fried. i called him this morning and i've been crying all day. i've got to stop begging for sympathy if i'm going to just bring it on myself though.