Hello
I have posted a handful of times awhile ago. Although I have hypomania with sever depression I am being treated successfully with bupriopion. Quickly a recap: my journey began with my wife of two years leaving me at Christmas. I sought help, treated for depression and after several months of a P-doc my hypomania was discovered. The hypomania is apparently mild enough no other meds are required. (briefly on another med but was not needed) A new twist has presented itself. Treatment for my loss (wife) has been difficult I have not made progress on this loss. After 6 months a new discovery has brought me help but the enormity of the implications are difficult for me to digest.
My wife (aka girlfriend at the time) and I had dated 19 years ago, under some odd circumstances we broke-up in 1992. She sought me out in 2000 we dated five years and have been married nearly 3. We have a fantastic daughter (2). The problem is this......
The seeds of my depression apparently where planted in that break-up in 1992, the problems with hypomania, depression accumulated (lack of insight) (rapid cycling of hypo and depression) for nearly sixteen years which led to my marriage break-up in 2007. I am speechless and guiltridden by this turn of events. I have taken for this entire separation a stand back and given her space. She now has her own place. I have confided in my sister this information she asked would you tell your wife what happen. NO! she has had no intrestest in my recovery so far! I suppose i would tell if asked. My questions are these, what do i tell my daughter when she gets older and ask? I dont wish ill of my possible ex or guilt for her or my daughter. Two; why if the depression started in 92 with the Cinderila story of us getting back together this didnt resolve this issue. I think i may know the answer! The chemical imbalance does not get better without medication. What seemed at the time a sever loss but at the time I thought managable loss 16 years ago lead too where im at. Can a incident like this trigger all of this? Was this more tramatic than I thought? Looking back this was the time that things seemed to go down hill in both my personal and professional life.
I made this discovery in my last session and the tears never stopped so i could not get the answers i seek. Needless to say this waiting a week for my next session is imposible. Is this a case where I should bottle this up (never a good idea).....but maybe.....! I ask this as a person who has made substantial progress otherwise. This has in itself been a breakthrough for me by finding this skeleton in the closet, I may find peace. I seek neither pitty from my potential ex or redemption or anything else. I respect her even now, sadden yes! I am positive she would never ask, I would never tell her either unless asked (is that a good idea?) she expressed no interest whatsoever. The reason is very simple when i told her of my hypomania months ago, she told me their is no chance of reconcilation. Although this sounds terrible, I am resigned to the fact that those spouses who have lived with a bipolar II individual her reasons may be ligitmate. I am very concerned about my daughters perception later in life. What do I say?
I wish i knew how to cut and paste I would also put this in the depression fourm too! Moderator if its permissible could you do that for me? I suppose everyone of us has a story but this!......geez......Thanks again!