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Posted 8/11/2008 7:45 PM (GMT 0)

I just got diagnosed today with BP2/Bipolar Spectrum Disorder today - I knew it was coming but hearing the words still shook my foundation, I'm on the verge of tears.

I started on Cymbalta back in Mid June, by Mid July I was having major man/dep swings - and I was suicidal. I walked into my local hospital and was admitted for 4 days. I was on 60mg of Cymbalta which they have dropped to 30mgs and trying to wean me off this drug, it put me into a full manic episode, I don't think previous to that I had a full blast one, small one lasting hours but not days and sucidal thoughts.  I am now on 50 mgs of Serequel/day - which is helping with the mania, but still have so much anxiety.  It's been suggested once I am weaned off Cymbalta to go onto Lamactic(Lamotrigine). I have had depression since I was 7, and have been steadily on SSRI's since I was 25, I am now 39.  I feel especially in the last year - I have been walking in a fog mixed with windows of emotional highs.. I just want to feel at peace.  I am glad that I will finally get treated  properly, I saw a pyschiatrist, who never diagnosed me with BP, and even with all the talk therapy, I never felt that I had improved any..  but after my new psychiatrist explained why I had some behaviors, like fear of choking, inablity to keep organized, anxiety in public and inability to focus - it made sense.. I am still scared of the diagnosis.. and terrified if someone found out ... I have to admit I told someone once, I would never date someone with BP(due to an ex with untreated BP), now I have that diagnosis.. I hope though there is some light at the end of this foggy tunnel.. I am tired of feeling unwell..

Posted 8/11/2008 8:04 PM (GMT 0)
wow, I am sorry to hear that you are having such a terrible time. if it makes you feel any better, cymbalta jacked me up soooo bad that I have spent the past week eating handfulls of ativan or kolonnpin to try to calm down from the cymbalta. That stuff is crazy. Ive been bipolar for a while but man, it will freak a person out. I totally struggle with anxiety too and have been battling it for some time. I think being at peace is the biggest struggle with this whole disorder, one day your fine the next its no tellinwhat willl happen. I hope the seroquel works out for you, I read a bunch of horror stories about cymbalta after I had my run in with it. I didn't tell the dr that I had been diagnosed BP though cuz for some reason I have not wanted meds and have thought maybe I wasnt' but clearly that's not the case. Hang in there, and there's a lot of people around who know what you have and are going through in some capacity or another... D
Posted 8/11/2008 8:12 PM (GMT 0)

Thanks DD for the reply

The shrink in the ER said that I was put on way too high a start dose, and that sent me into the manic phase, though in a way I had that happen, so that I can truly get this managed properly..   I was told that the Serequel may cause me to gain some weight.. but actually I haven't had as much of an appetite - and my sweet cravings for the most part have dropped (except a couple of hiccups)  I am actually not hungry that much at all..  and in the past I have binged.. that's eased up quite a bit. Yeah I think the main struggle I will have is finding peace, it seems so elusive. sighs.

The Psych outpaitent clinic I am going to is looking into getting me a new GP - as my GP should never have put me on 60 mgs of Cymbalta to start..  she's a good doctor, but not trained in in psychiatric care at all..  

Posted 8/11/2008 8:25 PM (GMT 0)
wow, that's exactly what this doc did to me, I knew better than to go to a fam doc and not tell them I had bp. I just don't like to be on medicine man. Um ya I'd say that 60 mgs is crazzzzzyyyyyy... Im just a lab rat but I know better than that. Im a massive binger too. Ill go through phases where I don't eat and loose tons of weight then months where I eat till Im sick like literally on a good binge Ill eat well over 3-4 thousand calories before lunch. I used to be worse with the binges and then purge and stuff but ya, its an all day every single day battle, and it feels like there is NO end to it. There really isn't but the bad either direction doesn't last forever Man at least there is meds or a more socially acceptable understanding of the illness than there ever used to be. I will tell you one thing though, when Im doin that anxiety and panic and paranoia thing, I have to limit what I watch on tv as far as disturbing or scary stuff, Caffeine will make me jump out of my skin (im a pretty regular pot of coffee type a gal) and then I just hang on and try not to do anything too bizarre. Do you have family support? what do they think about it and how is your family helping you?
Posted 8/11/2008 8:28 PM (GMT 0)
I haven't told my family yet - they aren't close by - luckily the shrink said my case was mild, I don't have any paranoia or delusions of grandeur..  but the other stuff makes sense.. like buying too much or not being able to organize my thoughts a lot..  I just hope this new medication will simmer things down a bit.. I am sick of living in a messy place..ack.. 
Posted 8/11/2008 8:34 PM (GMT 0)
that's good you don't have any of that stuff. Ya the spending and random behavior really seems odd once you snap out of whatever mood it was you were in. hmmmmmm well best of luck and and hope you find peace. It makes me feel better to find people that are like me, or at least understand, hopefully it makes you feel better too.
Posted 8/11/2008 11:16 PM (GMT 0)
Left Coast Girl,

Welcome to HealingWell and to our board. It's perfectly normal to be freaked out by the diagnosis, so give yourself some time to come to terms with it. It is a diagnosis you can live with as long as you choose to do so. Bipolar just has to managed well, and you have to be the one to manage it. It sounds like you're off to a good start. Take your meds, listen to your docs, I'd really recommend a therapist to sort through the emotional baggage that comes with it, and you'll be okay. This is a great place to vent and find support.

serafena
Posted 8/11/2008 11:21 PM (GMT 0)

Thank you Serefena :)

I just had a chat with management from work as I am on short term disability  - they said I sounded fine..and why can't I work.  I told him sounding fine and being fine are 2 different things.  Before I got a BP episode, I had booked my holidays to go home, and now I really need to go home. I was told if I left and flew home I would lose my job.  So I can't go home and get family support - this makes things even worse.. I feel like prisoner, and I can't afford to quit my job..  I'm not sure what to do now..  

Posted 8/11/2008 11:50 PM (GMT 0)
LeftCoastGirl --

Request a copy of the company's official policies for medical leave. If they include mental health (which they absolutely should) you are fine. Go to the doctor and ask him/her for a note for work requiring you to take a week or two off for mental health. Work will have to comply. You probably won't be paid, but you won't lose your job either.

serafena
Posted 8/11/2008 11:55 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks Serefena
I am on short term disability - and told by my Pdoc's not to expect to return back to work anytime soon. The problem is - I can't travel with on short term - I had already scheduled a flight home to see my folks - and because I am on short term, they are not allowing me to go home.. grumbles..  I either lose my job because I won't comply or dissapoint my family and upset me further..  I have been so distraught today, I took some of my emergency ativan!
Posted 8/11/2008 11:59 PM (GMT 0)
Oh, it's complicated. Are they going to let you have the time off then, whether you travel or not?

serafena
Posted 8/12/2008 4:56 AM (GMT 0)
I'm off for the foreseeable future, but they said if I can travel I can work.. *shakes head* - I am going to have my shrink provide docs stating that I cannot work, but able to to travel, lol I am going home not going to Cancun lol!!
Posted 8/12/2008 7:55 AM (GMT 0)
Welcome to the board. I am sorry you are having such a hard time right now. I was recently diagnosed back in May and I know what you mean about the diagnosis shaking you. I had an idea that I was BP and it was still hard to accept. but I was glad that I had a name for what was wrong with me and that I could be helped. I have had to have my meds tweaked four times since my diagnosis and things seem to be getting better. I hope that you can work things out with work. I hope you get to go home. It is hard not having your family around for support.
Posted 8/12/2008 8:19 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks so much Twisted - I have been researching a lot today about different medications..and I feel there is hope for stability :) thanks for your posts, cheers!

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