guilt

Closure,

(The forum has been a little slow lately, hasn't it...)

All I can do is reassure you that guilt is not a healthy or useful emotion. You don't need to feel guilty. You are in need too, and deserve the same support and help that your father does. He may need an immediate thing like help being driven around that you can't provide, but there are other places he could get that if he really needed to. I know nothing about his finances of course, or what assistance he's already receiving in terms of disability or social security, but I hope he's receiving everything he deserves. One way you could help is to make sure he's maximized all his available benefits.

You mentioned that he's lying and he's unmotivated. These things are SO frustrating. My father is an alcoholic, who also lies and wallows in his sorrow. He is also impossibly stuck in his position despite having everyone around him ready to help at a moment's notice. It's heartbreaking and yet infuriating, because there's nothing we can do about it, because he refuses to do anything himself. And you need to remember that too. You are not responsible for what your father CHOOSES. Such as taking his pills. Such as his eating habits. He knows he needs to eat. Remind him if you need to. Does your town have an elder shuttle that will come pick up seniors and take them around town? Usually to places like doctors appointments and grocery stores. Check the yellow pages or call the senior center in town and ask. I don't know how much it costs.

I hope this helps a little. You are a good daughter. You care about your dad, you talk to him on the phone. You see him when you can. You're in a sticky situation and your boyfriend shuttles him around daily. That's more than most boyfriends would do! There's no need to feel guilty. You're doing what you can when you can, and your father needs to do more for himself. He's an adult, and you can challenge him to take better care of himself.

serafena

getting very depressed again. guess I'll just go to bed and pull the covers over my head. *sigh*

thanks missflip. *hugs* I'll have to look into those things. my father is on a very strict diet though because of his heart condition and the clogged artery in the back of his neck. they aren't able to do open heart surgery to fix the clogged arteries in his heart and the clogged artery in his neck can't be fixed at all...not even stents. so they have him on a very strict diet to keep the arteries from clogging anymore. I just don't understand the food situation sometimes. like why are the healthiest foods the most expensive? I just don't get it. and they wonder why most americans are overweight. I know for me personally I have to buy cheap stuff because I just can't afford anything else. my dad struggles and buys a little food, but all healthy. sorry kind of off topic with the food...just something that really bothers me sometimes.

we've got so much stuff to figure out...like what to do with his properties, his medical conditions, my medical conditions, rides, food, etc. it's really overwhelming me.

thanks again missflip *hugs* as for the houses...he lives in one, I live in the other. I pay the mortgage here, but it's in his name. we're working on figuring out what to do about it all.

with the lying I highly doubt he'd even come clean. sometimes I don't even think he realizes he's lying...that's how bad it's gotten. calling him out on it would probably do nothing but produce more lies.

I'm feeling a little better I guess, but still very overwhelmed and stressed. also very lonely.

thanks missflip. it's nice to feel like someone cares. *hugs* good luck tomorrow.


been pretty depressed today...even too depressed to be on the computer. now I know that's bad. I'm always online. *sigh*