Discussion Question: Mania

Just a question worth discussing because everyone is different: What's your mania like?

serafena

Lots of extra energy and lots of rapid talking.

Missflip

My mania manifested differently depending on what stage of life I was in. As an 18 yr. old, before my BiPolar II diagnosis I could drink everyone under the table, close all the bars, then the after hours clubs and then often private parties, sleep for two hours or so and shower, and go to work, no problem. As I reached my late twenties I would party all weekend, neglect my family, take on much more than was humanly possible, and then crash when I couldn't keep all the balls in the air. Also, spending money was a problem, boy I could blow a thousand or more in a couple of days. As I aged, and stopped drinking I threw myself into working three jobs and attended support group meeting about five times a week. Then as I reached my thirties, something changed. Rather than manic episodes, I was mainly just really depressed and as I tried to continue to attend to all my responsibilities, push through the depression and make myself do what was needed, I began to experience severe panic attacks, and had extreme irritability, like I couldn't stand being in my own skin. It felt like my blood was boiling. Only if I could escape the world and curl up in a ball, I could manage, after a while to come out of my cacoon. My children recall this time as on ein which "mom was always sleeping". I wasn't always asleep, I just could not face anybody. It is much like this today. I curl up in a ball and wish everybody would just leave me alone. It passes more quickly now. Mostly now, I am most often depressed, or crying.

When I was younger I used to get bursts of energy and would get really creative.  Also, I used to obsess about cleaning my place even if it were 3 am and of course spend money excessively like there was no tomorrow.  I would also party but I knew my limits.  Plus my mania didn't last more than a week at that time.

My most recent episodes have not been so pretty, the older I get the uglier it gets.   I don't know why but my symptoms are somehow getting worse.  I would be happy go lucky for the 1st day or two, then it would get out of control.  I was severely irritable (not sleeping for 3-4 days at a time doesn't help this matter) and drank excessively which contributed to my major anger outbursts (I become really abusive).  I got in a lot of fights some to the point of physical contact.  Of course I was spending mad money even on things that I didn't need, it was all bought out of a whim.  Let me not forget racing thoughts, it got to the point that no one including myself understood me, I just got to the point that I didn't make sense anymore.  I am ashamed to say this, but I also had promiscuous relationships. 

The worst part is that now my manic episodes go on for months, even with the right medications.  Once it starts it takes a long time to get my moods straightened out.  Especially since it got to the point that I can barely accomplish my daily tasks.  People say that they miss being manic, me I fear becoming manic.  It is only fun for a few days then it is total chaos and it takes me months to fully recover.  It's just not fun like it used to be in my teenage years.  It is something that I hope to never experience again.  But we'll see what the future hold for me.

Olivia

oh I don't know how, but I totally forgot about the anger and irritability. boy can I be mean and on edge like you wouldn't believe! I try to avoid people as much as possible when I'm like that because every conversation usually turns into an argument.

Anger and irritability mostly.  Sometimes little sleep, excessive cleaning and spending sprees.

Are you bipolar II, Georgie?

I am. My mania always manifests itself as anger, irritability and extreme anxiety. I feel like I'm jumping out of my skin. I can't concentrate. I can't remember anything. I can't complete even the simplest tasks. I wanna punch strangers for the tiniest annoyances. The funniest thing was once I decided I needed summer sausage RIGHT NOW!!! So I went to the grocery store and I was so furious that parking was annoying me and people were walking so slow in the grocery store and I was just getting more and more wound up, and I was almost to where the sausage was when an employee pushed a tall cart of meat in front of me. I had to wait for him to pass, I couldn't get around him. I swear to god I wanted to scream bloody murder, and it's amazing that I didn't. But once he moved, I practically ran to the sausage (which I feel is the goofiest part of this story -- I don't normally even eat this sausage, I was just having a strange craving,) and to the registers. I couldn't get home fast enough, and I was so ANGRY about the whole trip, which, if I had been stable, was completely fine.

serafena

My manic phases are getting worse as I get older.  When I was in my teens all I did was drink and party.  Then in my twenties I was having my children and all that seemed to go away. Then in my thurties I started getting depressed and suicidal.  Now I am in my fourties and I have tried to commit suicide 4 times and just went through the most terrible manic phase ever. It started in April with aggitation and axiety then progressed to becoming very creative and drinking and finally went to bars and had an affair, then I crashed and tried to commit suicide again and did not even know that I took all the pills I did.  I woke up three days later in a hospital.  I am now stabilizing and seeing a psychologist again besides my psychiatrist.  I look back and want to just screem, but the psychologist told me that is part of the disease.  That for me is what it is to be bipolar.  I hate it but am trying to learn to recognize the signs of when it starts.  Hang in there.

I don't think that's inappropriate JH. Yes manic episodes can still happen even when on meds. Meds aren't a cure all and you still will have bad days, but hopefully with the meds they'll be few and far between and not nearly as bad. I know with my meds my manic days have definitely decreased, but when I do have them they only last a little while and I've even been pretty good about the shopping which was a big thing with my mania. I actually get more depressed now than manic, but at the same time I have a lot of crap going on so I think most of it is situational. Like the mania though, you can still get depressed when on meds.

I felt what I can only describe as a religious experience (which sounds strange, coming from an atheist). The world would ooze with meaning and purpose; I felt at one with it, appreciating every moment of my existence.

I find that bipolar disorder likely describes my experience best. On one end, there's an all-encompassing awe and wonder at the glorious world around me. On the other end, (sometimes even in the same day) crushing, unrelenting dread about life's futility. I may have some of the other symptoms of hypomania at times, too. Occasionally go through periods (of a day or so) where I am extremely talkative, outgoing, and very productive. I'm a philosophy student, and I tend to write a lot of papers. I found that I would procrastinate forever, hating the assignments I was given, and then suddenly sit down and write 12 pages of careful argument in a few hours, loving every moment of it.

I've felt these experiences since my younger teen years, and didn't associate it with hypomania until I was crashed into deep depression this summer. My girlfriend finally convinced me to see a psychiatrist, and he put me on lamictal. It's been over a month now, and I haven't felt much depression. However, I haven't had a single religious episode, either.

Recently though, I've have had some breakthrough depression for a few days at a time, including suicidal thoughts. Additionally, my palms are very, very itchy, which makes me worry about the dreaded lamictal rash. I made another appointment with my psychiatrist. Maybe I can get something to supplement the lamictal.

I've contemplated the diagnoses of Bipolar, as has my therapist.  Sometimes my psychiatrist thinks so - but he leans more towards OCD, ADHD and Depression.  He did finally rx Lamictal, however, when antidepressants and ADHD meds couldn't get all my stuff under control.  This is what I experience that sounds like hypomania, or some kind of mania:

Rapid, rapid thoughts; rapid speech too; tons of ideas and creativity;  I start too many things that no one could possibly finish, and certainly not me with my limited ability to stay on task for minutes, or much less months.

A couple of times I've felt very connected to the universe and can relate to what  Iconclastic said about having "religious experiences."  Everything that happens will seem to be part of a larger plan - I'll feel "called" to do this, and do that.  During such times I meet people all the time, anywhere, and I think I've found my new best friend, or the best person, or the most interesting person, etc.  And then I'll think I have no friends, that the world is a very scary, hard place, etc.

I shop too much.  Don't have credit cards any more, but am still paying off debt from over 5 yrs ago.  Like garage sales and thrift stores, which I guess is good, but I often buy things just b/c they seem like a good idea - whether or not I like or need them. 
Even w/ groceries, I've noticed, I'll buy multiples of items, especially if on sale, and then dont' always have room to store them.  I often don't remember that I have something at home and end up buying it. 

I guess it's adrenalyn ?  But I crave buying something far too often.  And then I get disgusted with such consumerism.  ?

hlayne

35 y/o female

That's really interesting. I have bipolar II as well, but I'm very different. I have the much more classic, low-grade mania that's angry and irritable (no fun mania.) Religious-experience mania sounds kind of cool.

my manic is anything and everything I can get my hands on. I am like a comet that keeps going and is getting burned up in the atmosphere. any thing I hear that could be negative I assume it's about me, anything positive that could make me feel better I assume it's about me. I snap at everyone or cling when I am upset, I slip between an over-controlling adult to a sad helpless child. My personality and voice change with my moods. I have uncontrollable actions in every area whether it be I like to starve myself, I like to overindulge when I eat, I like to steal, I like to overspend, I feel innocent and taken advantage of then I feel angry and bitter because I feel like I've made all the mistakes for myself. My mind is like a rollercoaster, except instead of the slow climb to the top people just strap the seat to a rocket and then let it fall all ****ed up down the track scraping with sparks flying. I do not enjoy my manic. It is a dark place I am afraid of. I'm done with sympathy, I would like someone who can [RELATE] please. No happy bipolars, the cynical ones who don't see the point and only want help.