Help - I am so confused with what is going on in my life... trying to understand how my wife's BP is impacting our children and our marriage.
A few months back, my wife, not happy moves out of our marital home... I believe this was easier than most would think as everything was in my name solely... leave on no ties... but this is going down a different road for discussion later...
My wife had a hysterectomy a couple years ago and had been battling with emotional ups and downs. She had been talking with our doctor for several months without letting me know… well, actually I was seeing our doctor who put me on anti-depressants to address the feelings I had been experiencing and not knowing why or what was causing such swings in my marriage. As it turns out, after eliminating several possibilities, he diagnosis her with BP and sends her to PDoc. The typical year with experiments on drug cocktails… she thinks she is doing fine…
Before I go on to the next issue, I have to share that I found it odd that the pdoc would record his observations while she was in the room… I mention this because I started noticing her making sure she was showered and looked good for going in to see the doctor – so she could get the positive reinforcement of hearing him verbally dictate his observations – I believe this has been a detriment to her treatment as she does not spend that kind of time on a daily basis…
So, with her living on her own, I attempt to make a go at reconciling. Unfortunately, it was akin to banging my head against a brick wall. Nothing was ever right – I didn’t do laundry right, I didn’t do the floors the right way, I spent too much time worrying about taking care of the cars when I should have been helping her… the list goes on and on…
One thing that concerns me is that she is drinking quite a bit. She says her pdoc says it is okay… but that is not what I have read. I am not asked to participate in her pdoc visits… I have tried, but from stuff she has said about me, her doctor thinks that I am part of her problem – and that she needs to find someone and settle down – be happy watching a movie on the sofa, etc… HELLO, I am a man and a perfect couch potato!
She has done several things that have hurt – leaving the marital home being one… one other, which she vehemently says is innocent is a relationship she struck up with a guy she met at the gym. Knowing the manic tendencies, I have concern and have been vocal with them… She swears nothing has happened, although one time something almost did… and one time in anger, actually telling me something did happen… Anyway, I expressed my concern and told her that continued contact was inappropriate – maybe a bad choice of words but is how I am feeling – only to be told that he is a friend and I am being paranoid.
A few weeks ago, I had enough – explained it isn’t working, she doesn’t listen to what people are saying… and she does a complete 180… things were great, we were looking at a new house – something that could be ‘ours’… but the ‘buying’ impulse hits and of course the $1600 a month house that we loved was leased immediately, but instead of looking for others in that price range, she starts sending links to houses that were $2,200 and $2,500 a month – a level that we couldn’t keep up with while married with both of our incomes. While I had a desire to get into a house that could again be considered “ours” I backed off because of where it was going financially. When I backed off, her last ‘buying’ impulse – a new car started to kick in again… the Tahoe bought for her earlier this year wasn’t good enough… she justified saying it was falling apart, the transmission was breaking, the a/c was breaking and then starts looking at newer Mercedes convertibles, BMWs and Audis… While there were some that would be considered in her price range – 2001 – 2003 model years… she started looking at 2005’s because they were ‘newer’ body styles. I could not be supportive of her getting into something that she couldn’t afford and quite frankly in a decision that would have caused a lot of loss on the Tahoe – have you seen gas prices? Well trade-in values are not kind to people wanting to get rid of big SUVs after 6 months… Needless to say, I wouldn’t be supportive and as a result, I was blamed as ‘taking all the excitement out of buying a new car.’
The real kicker in all this is that because of her first marriage, her credit was severely blemished, so everything was in my name… needless to say, I am currently in bankruptcy and with things looking gloomy for the two of us, am having trouble finding a rental that would be suitable for my kids and one that even comes close to the meager lifestyle that we lived previously…
I would have preferred to work on the relationship while we were together, but things just were getting worse and worse… she started talking to the guy from the gym several times a day… even when I was home… again, even as recent a yesterday… being told he is not a problem…
Submitting with tears… please, I need advice…
Post Edited (TTown) : 8/26/2008 11:31:22 AM (GMT-6)