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Bipolar Disorder
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Posted 9/30/2008 4:49 PM (GMT 0)

I am a 28 year old mother of two. I was diagnosed with Bipolar approximately four years ago. I am currently not on meds and struggling.

Let me tell you a little background info:

I had my son when I was 16 and the father has not been involved since. I have always struggled with depression, as long as I can remember. I was hospitalized about eight years ago for depression, but the stability didn't last long. I suffered through the next four years until I was hospitalized again. This time they diagnosed the bipolar and I began the "guinnea pig" phase. I couldn't even begin to list all the meds I've tried. It was a very scary time for me because every time I took a new pill, it was like "Let's wait and see what this one does to me." I've been on meds where as soon as I eat, I pass out and sleep for four hours, I have a metal taste in my mouth (and a metal smell) from all dairy foods and I lost like 20 pounds, and the last one was the final straw. I started taking a benzo to help me sleep and it did just the opposite. I would take it and sleep for about half an hour. Then I would wake up and literally be psychotic. That one landed me in an emergency room on an overdose. Since then, I've been living without meds, barely hanging on. I recently got married and had my daughter. I knew going into the pregnancy that it was risky, but it's something we both really wanted. The pregnancy was HORRIBLE, mentally. My daughter is now 11 months old and cute as a button, but I feel like it cost me my sanity. I do have an appointment with a psychiatrist in a week, but the thought of starting over at the "guinnea pig" phase scares me. My husband works nights and is gone four nights out of the week. I can't afford to deal with horrible side-effects when I'm the only one home caring for two children. All I know right now is that I have to get better before it gets worse, for the sake of my entire family.

Posted 9/30/2008 8:00 PM (GMT 0)
Hi brannon97,

Welcome to HealingWell. Thanks for joining us.

I think everyone here can relate to feeling like a guinea pig, so you are among people who know how you feel and can definitely understand what you're going through. I hope that at least is a little comforting. Is this a new psychiatrist? If so, it will be helpful for him/her to have a list of the drugs you've tried before. See how many you can remember by making a list, or tell the doctor to get your file from the doctor you previously saw so he/she has a better idea of what you've already tried and what hasn't worked. That will give them a better idea of where to go with new drugs.

All I can say for you is to have faith and try to be open minded. I absolutely understand how scary and frustrating the side effects can be, but there are so many different kinds of drugs out there, there are so many variables to consider about how they act, that there's got to be something that will work for you. I know you need help now, Just try and let the doc help you the best way he/she knows how. In the meantime, you could help yourself by getting some therapy. Caring for 2 children on your own 4 days a week in a large burden. Your depression is really affecting your life. You need a professional who can help you process some of your emotional life in a constructive way and teach you how to fight depression. I really recommend therapy. It's saved my butt a couple of times.

Best wishes. Please keep writing and let us know how things are going.

serafena
Posted 10/3/2008 6:08 PM (GMT 0)
I clearly remember being exactly where you are at. I had an 18 month olsd and was expecting another any day. My husband also worked nights but didn't come home right away. he sometimes stayed out all night. i discovered later he was gambling (and who knows what else). I was isolated, lonely, sore, depressed, and overwhelmed. And BiPolar. Soooo, finally I got some help with the 18 month old from mother in law. My own mother flew in for birth of second son, with her husband and they settled in and took over the care of the boys when I orked. I went back to work shortly after second son, just to get back into the workforce. I hope you have a support system. Best of luck.
Posted 10/3/2008 8:32 PM (GMT 0)
At the risk of sounding trite...the good thing is, you know which meds DO NOT work for you! That is part of the battle. Hang in there..
Posted 10/4/2008 6:02 AM (GMT 0)

Hi Brannon,

I think that most bi-polars that are committed to working on their wellness program can relate to the months and sometimes years or finding the correct cocktail for themselves.

A lot of tinking and adjusting needs to be done and that is through frequent visits with your pdoc.

Maybe you could ask to be started on very low dosages of any new drugs until you are comfortable with how it makes you feel before you make an increase in it's dosage or just find it unacceptable.

My sister who is also bipolar stopped taking her medications for the same reason as you. She tried this approach and feels a lot more in control and confident in her medication adjustments because now she is telling her pdoc that this drug just makes me too tired, too crabby or whatever and sometimes she know that, hey this drug is helping me somewhat and I think I need a little more of it. So she really feels in control in the decision making with her pdoc.

Also I am a big supporter of intergrating talk therapy into my wellness plan. It has helped me tremendously.

Good Luck. blush

Posted 10/8/2008 6:19 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you all for your support. This is a new psychatrist, and I do plan on having him pull my old files to see what I've already tried. I had also thought about starting out on the lowest possible doses and working up from there. If there are going to be side effects, I want them to be as minimal as possible. I think in the past, they just started me out somewhere in the middle. I don't know.

I am actually looking forward to my appointment tomorrow, more than in my last post. It feels like there's hope again and maybe this will be the beginning of something good. Of course I'm not going in too optimistic because I know the first combo may not be right, but at least there's hope now.

I'll let you know how the appointment goes and what meds he decides to try. Maybe someone that has tried them before can tell me what their experiences were.
Posted 10/8/2008 7:14 PM (GMT 0)
Good luck tomorrow! Just a tip you may or may not need -- I always need to write down questions or concerns beforehand because once I'm in the doc's office it all just goes right out of my head. Since this is a new doc you might make a list of things you're concerned about.

serafena
Posted 10/8/2008 7:31 PM (GMT 0)
That's a good tip! Thanks. I am the same way. I'm trying to go into this with the attitude that I am going to be in control, as much as possible, of my meds and my body. I usually just do what the doctor says and take what they give me and suffer with the side effects. I am going to voice my opinions and not be bullied or talked down. Of course I'm not going to be rude or insulting, but this is my body and I know it better than anyone. Thanks again for the tip.
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