Introduction-

My name is Mike and I am the spouse of a person with Bi-Polar disorder. She has just recently been diagnosed with this and we have had absolute chaos and mayhem in our home for about 4 years now. She was diagnosed with Adult ADD about 2 years ago which I feel now was a mis-diagnosis for the Bi-Polar disorder. She is currently at an in patient facility since Friday Dec. 12, 2008 but whats worse is she was an inpatient for the same symptoms and issues from Thanksgiving 08 through Tuesday Dec. 9, 2008. She is suicidal, hears voices, her moods are unbearable and I get blamed. I am emotionally strong enough to be alone, raise my two children, etc. but I can not stand to see her hurt or be in this state. Half of me wants to be there for her but the other half wants to run and make a happy life for myself. I feel so selfish but so deserving. How do I know which is the right decision? I for once in my life do not know what to do. I am willing to listen to any advice on how to deal with, etc. my wife and this disease.

Mike

Thank you Serafena for the reply. I wouldnt leave while she was in the hospital that would be detrimental to her. I am trying to be there for her but there is a lot of hurt and anger where she is concerned. I am in no way close to a perfect person and not all of the blame is on her. The changed her meds and she begins the new medication today but she is talking about trying to be home this weekend etc. It seems as if all she wants is to get the drugs and get home. Yes I know its Christmas and boy would I love to have the happy her home for the holiday but thats whats important to me... Her being happy again. Can anyone give me a little more insight how to deal, approach, help her through these times when the meds do not work or she is having a rough day? She went in the hospital because she is suicidal. I am scared my kids will come home from school one day and find their mother has hurt herself... If she is suicidal is there a chance she could harm my children? I am not sure if you remember the Andrea Yates case where she murdered her 5 children but this scares me to death. Please I am willing to listen to any advice, information, etc that will help me help her.

Everyday in the hospital, your wife is on suicide watch and they evaluate whether she is suicidal or not. She will not be let out of the hospital until she is no longer suicidal. That's why she's in there. Shebsy is right that the suicidal feelings are often the first things to go with the medications.

You'll want to be wary and keep an eye on her for suicidal thoughts for a while, but I believe once she's out of the hospital, she should be feeling better.

about the kids, Shebsy is also right that there is a very different impulse between suicide and homicide. Very few of us ever feel homicidal. Has she ever said anything to you that gave you the idea that she may hurt someone? Has she ever threatened the children or treated them badly? If you are concerned, discuss it with her doctor. He will most likely calm your fears.

serafena

TXCHROME - Welcome. The ying/yang you feel is quite a common feeling amongst BP spouses. I am one as well. Married almost 17 years. However, my H has never been hospitalized or suicidal. Please however, do not make the mistake to think it has been easy. It has not. NO living with BP is easy for the person with it, or the spouse. But it is doable. It takes a lot of work. With that said, please know that there is NO guilt in choosing to stay OR go. You as the spouse have EVERY RIGHT to care as much for your own life and happiness, as you do for your spouse. There is NO guilt in that whichever way you will choose. I will tell you...just as food for thought, that with proper dx, proper medication taken consistently, proper therapy, etc...life will seem easier than it is at this moment, because it will be. Perfect...never, problem free....never, but clearer and easier and more “normal” feeling than this moment (and what it has been in the past) without proper meds or dx. Now, that being said, also remember that whatever decision you make, stay or go, it is not written in stone and you can choose to change your mind about staying, going or coming back (if both want that) at any time. There is NO time frame on making those decisions, except for the ones you may impose for yourself. If you want some opinions, I would say for the moment, since there are kids involved, there is no need to make any life altering decisions now. See how it plays out once she is stabilized. As to the "blame" you feel you are receiving from her at this moment....disregard it as part of the illness. Right now her feelings are all over the map and are not reliable as true. One day they might be, and therefore if those feelings still exist, you may have some things to discuss in therapy. But for now, don't let it cloud this. Your W is currently hospitalized because of being ill.

Bottom line, your life, your decision, and no guilt. Make the best choices for all that you can. Keep what compassion you can for everyone so that no matter how it all goes, you can be proud of how you handled things. You can leave and still be supportive of her as the mother of your children...or you can stay and see it through before deciding. Do you understand? My best wishes to your family and the hard choices and road ahead for you all. Stay as loving as you can throughout. LFW