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Traveling anxiety

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Bipolar Disorder
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Posted 12/22/2008 5:41 PM (GMT 0)
I used to love to travel. In theory I still do. I love seeing new places, experiencing new things. But my anxiety is just totally kicking my butt these days. The last few times I've traveled, I've been so wrapped up by my anxieties that I haven't enjoyed myself at all.

We're going to San Francisco on Thursday (yes, we're flying on Christmas -- no worries -- we're Jewish). I'm flying with a 3-year old (and of course my husband). One layover, not very bad. We're going into Oakland. Picked up by family. Should be smooth. But I'm all wound up about it. And everyone is going out of their way to make it easy for us. My inlaws even got us a hotel in Chicago by the airport so we wouldn't have to make the 2 1/2 hour drive at 4 in the morning on Thursday. We can go in Wednesday night now and rest easy. But there'll be 6 adults in one apartment. Lots of shuffling people around. And my 3 year old to take care of. I'm just full of anxiety. And everyone just keeps telling me to relax, it'll be fun. I really want to believe it will, but I can't help dreading it more than I'm looking forward to it.

serafena sad
Posted 12/22/2008 9:10 PM (GMT 0)
Just because it may seem fun to "everyone else" does not mean it will be fun for you. If it were me, I would just say "No, not up to it", stay at home in my PJ's and enjoying the holidays at home with my family. I have learned that my anxiety is self-induced (spelling?) and the more I say "No" and live by my schedule, the better I feel. Not trying to talk you out of it, especially if your child and husband are really looking forward to it, but you have to set limits. That is how I get through but I am a homebody anyway. Have the relatives come to your house, for a short visit or just load up on Xanax and go. ha ha ha

Good luck with your issue. You are always so helpful to everyone on this forum, I hope whatever happens you do find a way to enjoy yourself, anxiety free!

Happy Holidays

BP Gemini
Posted 12/23/2008 4:43 AM (GMT 0)
Oh BPGemini, you don't know how close to home your words hit. I really had a hard couple of weeks when this family trip was first announced where I had to seriously consider whether or not I would go at all. I knew immediately I would feel like this about it, and I really thought about just putting my foot down and saying "No," I won't go. But hubby decided he was going with or without me, and taking our daughter. So...it's precisely because my husband and daughter would be away from me during the holidays that I decided to go. Particularly my daughter. I didn't think I was ready to be a week without her. I know some people would be thinking "Yahoo!" but I'm just not ready for that yet. So I'm really trying to suck it up.

Thank you for the encouragement though. I appreciate it.

serafena
Posted 12/23/2008 5:19 AM (GMT 0)
I am so glad that you brought this up because I think this is an issue that many of us have. I miss my family terribly and can't wait to move home, but I had to call the doc today to get some kind of prescription because my anxiety is so bad that my body is panicking, which is terribly embarrassing by the way. I love seeing my family, but the idea of so many people in one house and being around so many people just sends my nerves into overdrive. It is nice to know that others have the same dilemmas when it comes to traveling and being around so many others.

Thanks for all of your help!
Posted 12/23/2008 5:49 AM (GMT 0)
Oh Serafena..I hope you are able to enjoy yourself.  I know it is hard to let go of that panic, especially with your little one to take care of while in close quarters.  I get overwhelmed when traveling just because I am the one who packs everything, and has to remember everything like bringing meds...everything.  So every time we travel I just always have this unsettled feeling that I forgot something.

Posted 12/23/2008 1:23 PM (GMT 0)

Serafena,

I know exactly what you mean about being away from your daughter.  I think I could actually walk over hot coals as far as my children are concerned.  I could not stand being away from my Emily for a week, just couldn't do it.  Well, who knows you might really have a good time.

Happy Winter Solace to everyone!

BP Gemini

Posted 12/24/2008 12:36 AM (GMT 0)
Serafena,

I don't know about your relationship with your husband but this concerns me a little bit. I know that he wanted to go and see his parents for the holidays, but did he actually tell you that he would leave you alone and take your daughter if you were not up to going? That seems sort of cold. If you had a heart condition or diabetes would he still do that? Bipolar is a serious illness and flying, traveling with a tiny child, and being crammed in a small space with a lot of people can be overwhelming. Plus, I just don't enjoy my in-laws all that much. They are nice people, but there are some weird family dynamics going on there. The other thing is...when I had my tiny kids, my in-laws would always say..."oh, bring them, we'll help with them!" but they never did. I was always the one doing everything and trying to keep my kids occupied and under control while everyone else had fun. It was exhausting.

Is there someone who can mediate this kind of decision the next time? You should go because you feel you can handle it, not because of extortion.

love, (and hoping my advice was not too bossy)
sophie
Posted 12/24/2008 1:12 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you so much everyone!

Sophie (I love that name, my daughter's middle name is Sophia)
You really touched on a hot spot. I felt very hurt by his decision, but he's ultimately got to decide what he can live with and me with what I can live with, right? He felt very "put in the middle" by my desire to stay home -- pressure from his family to go, pressure from me to stay. And of course he wanted to go, so ultimately he decided to go. But I was very hurt. He said it was up to me to decide to stay or go, but as far as I'm concerned, I had no choice. There was no way I could be away for my daughter that long, and especially not over the holidays.

I do like my inlaws, a lot. And they do help with Rosa. Which is good, because they tell me the exact same thing. "There will be six adults, you can relax, we'll all help." But I still always do the most, despite everyone chanting at me to "relax, relax".

Thank you all so much for talking to me about this. It's really helping to have people HEAR me. Everyone in my life is just telling me to relax and try and enjoy it like I'm making it up.

That's why I love this board so much.
serafena
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