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Bipolar Disorder
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Posted 1/12/2009 10:19 PM (GMT 0)
Hey everyone, thought I'd post a intro after reading the rules....I'm usually on the depression board but was just diagnosed the other day with bi-polar. I've been suffering from depression and have been stuck in a rut for the last 3yrs....I went to seek help about a year and a half ago but I just didn't get connected with the right place and people, basically had a bad experience....Plus my insurance ended up lasping......I got my insurance back recently for the sole purpose of getting help again because I just couldn't take it anymore....For some reason I just really became to notice that my racing mind, having conversations with myself, getting stressed, tense, irritable,and having a hard time relaxing was a REAL problem because I was experiencing this on a day to day basis....I feel like my mind is consuming me and I can't focus on just everyday life....I could only focus on what I was thinking about and before I know it the whole day has gone by and I hadn't done anything productive in a sense....I've had problems with this side of me for as long as I could remember but it has been worse in the last 3yrs.....So this time around I made sure to mention everything that I was experiencing and my Dr said that I have bi-polar with depression, from my understanding that means that I have more of the depressive side then mania.....After getting this diagnosis and with the fact that I often wondered if I had bi-polar I've been doing a little research.....Everything is a bit clearer to me now because everything that I was feeling really means something and that there is treatment for it! I am having a hard time understanding the mania side because everything I read refers to it as feeling good and from my experience I don't feel good when I'm experiencing my symptoms.....If anyone can give me some insight on that it would be appreciated....I actually end up hating myself sometimes because of this side of me, I end up beating myself up at the end of the day because of the way I am, which then ends up with me depressed.....I just really would like to know if any of you can relate to anything that I'm feeling?

Anyway I was prescribed Lamictal and Strattera.....I just started taking them yesterday and I feel so optimistic about these meds.....My Dr also said that she can't give me a definate diagnosis until we see how the meds work which I'm ok with because I feel like this is a good start.....I also go to counseling once a week and also have plans to get a self help book on finding your spirituality or audio book....I feel like I want some tools to have a different perspective on different things in life....And I want to do more then just take meds.....I want to do the work myself and maybe do some little assignments which can produce stratigies in my life and take a different approach to life....I just want to find who I really am after suffering for so long. In a nut shell, right now I'm just really looking forward to getting better!

Post Edited (wishdreamhope) : 1/13/2009 7:33:51 AM (GMT-7)

Posted 1/12/2009 11:14 PM (GMT 0)
Welcome wishdreamhope! Congratulations to you for seeking treatment! I hope you are feeling better very soon.

I am the wife of a bipolar man, so I cannot give you any insight into what you are feeling. But I can tell you that you will find a lot of warmth, compassion and understanding here. You will also understand that you are not alone!

I wish the best for you!

(((hugs)))
Posted 1/13/2009 1:09 AM (GMT 0)
Hi wishdreamhope,

I hope you find our board as welcoming and helpful as the depression board. Glad you're here.

serafena
Posted 1/13/2009 2:29 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you both for welcoming me I appreciate it.....But I'm wondering if there are any others out there that can give me some insight to this post....It would be comforting to know what others opinions/thoughts might be because this is all new to me.....
Posted 1/13/2009 3:47 PM (GMT 0)
I don't feel good when I'm manic either. I get hypomanic, because I'm bipolarII. I don't get classic mania. I get irritable, angry even, I feel itchy and uncomfortable in my body. I can't sleep. I can't remember anything. I can't find words. My thoughts race and I'm incoherent. It's not pleasant for me at all. I wish my manias were productive or pleasant in some way, but they're not. Then the depression follows quickly after.

There are some good books listed in the sticky thread "Bipolar Resources." I'm a fan of the "Bipolar Disorder Survival Guide" by David Miklowitz. It's useful, informative, and talks about good ways to manage the illness. Are you creative? If you are, I have a great book to recommend for that as well.

Hope this is helpful,
serafena
Posted 1/14/2009 3:31 AM (GMT 0)

Hi there,

I have BP 2 also like Serafena and everything she said applies to me too. I tend to go lower than hypomanic but when hypomanic I am one big knot of stress anger and irritability. I snap quickly at others.

Welcome to this board it has helped me countless times!

Posted 1/14/2009 7:20 PM (GMT 0)
From what I'm understanding I'm probably experiencing hypomania too. Do any of you sometimes hate yourself because of the way you are? Or feel like you just can't stand that your like this? And feeling that way leads you to be depressed? Because I feel that way sometimes.....I also get myself to thinking that I choose to be this way....Because sometimes it seems so easy to say "well don't do this or that". I don't know I'm just looking for others that have been suffering from bi-polar to tell me they can relate to what I've described as to what I feel....Because I was just diagnosed the other day and I don't mean to sound unappreciating to your responses and I'm not looking for answers, I just want someone to say that I experience this or that too....I'm sorry, I don't know....I was just surprised to hear about being bi-polar.....

I just also wanted to add since I thought about it.....I feel like I do better when I'm around other people.....I'm a SAHM, I have no friends and my family isn't around....So I'm isolated a lot.....But whenever I'm around my fiance or if my mom comes to visit, I'm this relaxed worry free person....I almost feel like I'm a completely different person....Just for an example my fiance was off recently for a week of vacation and I felt like I was doing so good, a couple days after he went back to work....it all came back and I end up questioning myself because I don't understand how things changed so quickly and I become this person with a frenzied mind...feeling like I can't relax....and all I want to focus on is what I'm thinking about....Anyway I do plan on getting a part time job after I'm feeling better.....And I'll stop for now because I feel like I'm complicating this!

Post Edited (wishdreamhope) : 1/14/2009 12:37:20 PM (GMT-7)

Posted 1/14/2009 7:36 PM (GMT 0)
Wishdreamhope,

Don't feel bad. It's a big deal, getting this diagnosis, and it's hard to wrap your head around it sometimes. You aren't the first person to struggle with it and wonder what it means for you and your mood, even your personality. So don't beat yourself up for asking questions or looking for other people to help you verify that they've been in the same boat.

And boy have I. I still feel terribly guilty all the time and depressed about my mood disorder. I've been diagnosed for 6 years now, I think, and I think I deal with it pretty well, but I still get plenty frustrated when my mood changes abruptly or inconveniently. I still hate it when I can't do something I ant to do because my mood keeps me from having the energy or ability to. I get depressed when my mood impacts my family -- which obviously just makes it worse, because I'm already sad.

My husband assures me there's no point in being sad about being sad, but it's so dang hard not to feel sorry and guilty for having mood swings. So hard not to feel guilty and frustrated. If it were as easy as just saying "Don't do this or that" we would all do it. But it's not that easy, apparently.

We both need to go easier on ourselves, wishdreamhope. We're dealing with a disorder which takes the control out of our hands and we're at the mercy of some powerful chemicals. We can do our part by avoiding stress, getting enough sleep, taking our meds, eating right, getting exercise. But after that, we have to give ourselves a break.

Let yourself be curious and anxious for a little while about this diagnosis, but know that you'll be okay.

serafena
Posted 1/14/2009 7:41 PM (GMT 0)
Wow serafena thanks that helped me a lot and I ended up adding to that post after you replied already.....Sometimes I will walk away and think then feel the need to add what I was thinking about....Anyway I really don't know what else to say but your right, it is hard to wrap your head around.....Thank you.
Posted 1/15/2009 1:52 AM (GMT 0)
I just also wanted to say that this sentence "You aren't the first person to struggle with it and wonder what it means for you and your mood, even your personality." Is exactly how I'm feeling. And I know I'm hard on myself that's one of my biggest problems....I am welcoming the treatment and I am optimistic about getting better...But lately I feel emotional because I think to myself wow, everything that I've been experiencing are real problems and there are others out there who are experiencing the same thing...I wasn't just talking to myself because I'm weird or choosing my other symptoms....It almost feels like relief and then I start to wonder if things I do or how I act towards my fiance is from bipolar....Anyway thanks for letting me talk, it feels good to just get out what I'm thinking and thanks for listening!
Posted 1/15/2009 4:13 PM (GMT 0)
I'm so glad I can be helpful, and by all means, keep talking and get it out. We're here to listen.

serafena
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