Are you at peace with your disorder? And if so what helped you get there?

 

    I have to say that being 4 months removed from being diagnosed and treated i am completely at peace with myself. Oh i still have my urgers and problems, but they are very faint and i can ignore them most of the time.

    I didnt go out and contract bipolar, i was prewired at the factory with it. LOL   I have learned to accept that my preceptions of the world are skewed and out of wack when i do not take my medicine, and that i am a much better husband, friend, and father on the meds.  But mostly i have forgiven myself my past mistakes, allowing for the fact that even though bipolar isnt an excuse, its a heck of a handicap on the final score.

    But i never, never want to forget the pain i caused my wife. I may forgive myself, but i need to earn her forgivness every day anew for the damage i have caused. 

    Thanks to my doctor and my therpist and my meds i have achieved a level of peace  in my life and in my heart i have never experienced before. Its a sense of peace i hope all of you can enjoy each and every day. My life may not be perfect, but for the first time i feel like i finally have the right tools and the correct vision to make it a little more perfect every day.

      Peace.  Bill

Good for your Bill!  I have a theory about "perfectionism"  it is a disease and at best an illusion.  But to get to a place within yourself of contentment, there is no better place to be.  Each day is a struggle even though they may seem mild or "normal" compared to BP's reaction when not medicated properly and carrying around all that guilt and anxiety.  It finally took my ruling out all physical causes (there were none) and accepting the fact and my spouse accepting my situation.  Finally getting my medicine correct helped a bunch as well.  People are so hard on themselves.  Maybe what you put your Wife through was bad, but she is still with you, right?  God forgives so easily, I do not understand why we do not forgive ourselves with the same ease.  As far as relationships go, I have been married for 25 years and we have had our share of ups and downs.  I have always been there for him and now that I need him the most he is there for me.  That is what a good marriage is all about.  It isn't always easy or good, but those times roll around along with the bad.  All we have been through has just made us closer, because we were big enough to ask for forgiveness and forgive each other.  Try and make all your days together from this point forward as good as possible and do not stress out if they are not "perfect" yuk I hate that word almost as much as I dislike the word "normal".  What is perfect, what is normal?

Ok sorry to ramble and am glad you are feeling much better with your life, every day is a new beginning.

BP Gemini

Good for you but I'm far from it.  I hate being Bipolar and I think that is is the worst thing ever  I hate the meds and I hate the shopping sprees , and charging on my credit cards.  Today im cutting them up if I can find the courage.

knitwit

I believe that it takes time to be at peace with the disorder and especially yourself. It took me a while to accept is as a regular part of my life, so it is perfectly normal to struggle with acceptance.

Bill, I am really happy for you that you are doing well, your post is probably encouraging to those who struggle with acceptance of the illness.