I Began the Talk!!

Hi Everyone!

 

So last night I finally began the conversation about getting my husband to let me schedule some appointments with his GP and a psychiatrist to get a complete phsysical and adjust his meds!  He was acutally open to it and agreed to let me schedule the appointments for him and go with him!  I very calmly and nicely said that I think his meds need adjusting and that I have been researching manic depression (bipolar sounded to harsh at the moment) and from my research, antidepressants should NOT be used alone to treat the condition- needs a mood stabilizer as well.  He's been on Lexapro and Ambien for sometime now.  He was actually listening and very interested in what I had found.  I told him I had highlighted info for him as well as made some notes and I have it all ready for him for when he is ready to read my research. 

 

He did get a bit defensive and said, "Oh so it's not you and the kids? It's just me with the problem?"  I told him that I never said it was only him and that that is why I have an appointment this afternoon with a therapist myself so I can talk to someone about what is going on.  He then snaps back that he thinks someone SHOULD look at me and see what is wrong with me.  It could be me with the problem.  I didn't engage in an argument with him at that point.  I was just happy that he agreed to go see the docs!  He asked me to find someone that isn't just a drug pusher, which is what his previous psychiatrist did.  I also explained that in my research I have found that simply getting his meds refilled through his GP is not a good idea, because there should be therapy involved. 

 

I honestly believe that until I found this forum and started to research bp more in depth, I was simply feeling rejected, angry and unloved by him and I just let him be.  Now that I understand this condition more, my attitude is different.  I am going to help him stabilize his condition.  I am going to seek therapy for myself and hopefully he will agree to join me and work on our marriage.  If after (cross your fingers everyone) his meds are under control and he is "stable" he still doesn't feel anything emotional towards me, then I'm done with him and he can go figure it out on his own.  That sounds harsh, I know, but I'm willing to work on this if he is and it seems that he is willing to begin by visiting doctors!

 

He told me that being back at work has made him feel better.  He did say that he is starting to feel guilty about not spending more time with the kids now that we are back at work and don't I feel guilty about it???  Well, NO I don't.  I very calmly reminded him that worrying about and feeling guilty about having our kids in daycare/preschool is only going to cause him more stress.  This is the way we have to do it now and the kids are fine.  He was ok with me reminding him of that.  After that we began a conversation about work and was actually asking me for advice on how to deal with certain situations at work and he was interested in what I had to say and that made me feel good!

 

Thank you all for listening!  I am now going to make some phone calls and attend my therapy appt and I will keep you all posted! lol

 

Whyus

 

(((Big Hugs!!!)))

Fantastic job, Whyus! I'm so proud of you! You did all the right things. You even held your ground when he was trying to push your buttons. Wonderful. I hope he gets some real help from these appointments. And I hope you get some relief from finally getting to talk about your frustrations and struggles with that therapist. You're absolutely right about the kids too. They're doing fine, I'm sure. In case of loss of cabin pressure, take care of the your own mask first, then assist the little ones with their masks.

Hello Everyone!

 

I met with the therapist yesterday and I cannot believe I waited all these years to do so!  Turns out her area of expertise is treating bipolar disorder!  She validated everything I had been feeling.  Said I have to help my husband get his meds under control because he's just spiraling downward.  The things he's said and done are all because of the mania.  The Lexapro is not working for him.  She gave me a list of meds that might work.  If my husband doesn't want to come see her, she can work with his GP whom she's heard wonderful things about.  I need to get him in to see the GP ASAP because he's just being a mean man at the moment.  Wanting to pick fights with me, but I am not engaging in this at all.  I say nothing or just walk away.  I hope God continues to give me the strenghth to keep doing that because I do just want to react and snap back, but I won't.

 

The therapist said I need to let me my husband know that I have been reacting to his behavior and not dealing with his illness.  I started to realize that when I joined this forum and started to research bp.  Thanks you guys!  I feel good and I feel hopeful.    

 

 

Good for you Whyus! That took an incredible amount of courage to start the ball rolling! Keep things rolling foreward because it sounds like you are on the right path!

Rocket

Hi Everyone,

 

It has been a long weekend.  I don't know how long I can keep not engaging in an argument with my husband when he is just so snappy to me!  Last night he mentioned he was having bad headaches and not feeling well.  I simply commented that it could be a side effect of the Lexapro.  (He did renew the perscription at my suggestion until we go see the GP to adjust the meds). 

 

Well he snaps that just because I've done some research on bp and went to talk to some therapist, I think I'm an expert now.  And what about me?  Why is it whenever we go out with our friends, I am so unfriendly.  If you all recall, he called me arrogant and caused me to withdraw from my good time at a party we went to together.  He said that has been bugging him all week.  Whatever.  I simply said I should have not gone to the party with him.  Didn't respond to his rude remark about the bp research etc.  BUT my blood was boiling and I just wanted to get into a shouting match with him. I didn't though.  We are suppose to go see the GP next Monday.  That's the soonest appt I could get!

 

He breaks my heart each and everytime he snaps at me and I just keep reminding myself that it's the meds not working now.  His bp is not under control.  Part of me wants to just abandon him and take my kids with me.  I don't need him financially.  I can take good care of my kids on my own.  He can deal with his illness on his own- nasty, mean man that he's become!  Then of course I could never leave him on his own to deal with this illness.  But how much should I put up with his nastiness towards me?

 

Thanks for letting me vent guys.

 

Whyus

Hi Whyus,

Rocketman has it totally right. He's using you as a punching bag right now and that's not okay. You're doing the right thing by letting it pass right over you, but don't put up with it for too long. You need to make clear to him somehow that his snapping nastiness at you is not alright, and that you won't put up with it forever. Maybe if you can hold out until after he sees the doc, that will be a good time to talk to him about it, once he's been to the doc.

serafena

Oh brother, what a crab. He just thinks it's all about him right now, doesn't he? We can get a little self-absorbed. I wish it weren't true.

serafena

Hey Rocketman and Serafena.  So the wretched man who is my husband comes home with our two sons tonight and the first thing that comes out of his mouth is why the house is such a mess when he comes home.  I cannot believe him!  Where is the mess I asked.  Dismisses my question. 

 

Turthfully, the house was NOT a mess!  Were there TWO little toys on the floor that our daughter was playing with that I neglected to pick up before going upstairs to put her to bed?  Yes.  

 

Then our sons, who he swears were angels with him all evening begin to fight over a toy and he has to make the comment in front of them that as soon as I enter the room, they start fighting.  It's 8pm and they are tired.  They are done for the day.  But again, like an idiot, I do not engage in a back and forth discussion with him about this. 

 

Really, I am soooooooooooooooo done with him.  He doesn't hear half of what comes out of his mouth.  Is isn't just his unadjusted meds and his bp.  It's him.  It's him.  It's him.  It's not me. 

 

Any not bp husband would be thankful to have a wife like me!  I have a great full time job and make a GREAT living.  I cook and clean (not too often with the cooking).  I give him his space and this is the thanks I get. 

 

Does anyone know if his uncontrolled bp is cause enough for a judge to give me full custody of our children when we get divorced?

 

I am frustrated and sooooooooooo angry.  And sad.  I'm really feeling sad.

 

    

Dear Whyus,

I have just finished reading your recent posts and will be sending you a reply by tomorrow.

Tonight is a little crazy at my house, but I am thinking of you and want to be here to support you.

It's a wonderful feeling to have so many caring people on this board who understand what eachother goes thru.

More soon...hang in there.

Love,
4support