Feeling like a stranger.

Hi everyone,

This is my first post- I'm not really sure how this all works. But I came to these boards because I'm not sure if or how I can explain my current state of being to anyone I know- they all seem to be drifting farther and farther away...

Every year around this time I get a bit depressed, and each year it has gotten progressively more intense- even so much so that I will often have to go home for a while (I live in Illinois, my family lives in Texas) just to be looked after. But recently something else has been happening to me that I'm not used to. Along with the unusually low low's, I am now experiencing a "high" or happiness and energy I haven't ever felt- and an irritability that manifests itself for no good reason. I wake up in the morning unsure of what I will be feeling. My friends are scared, my mother is worried, and I can't seem to control any of this.
I don't sleep- often staying up all night long and never going to sleep, then eventually sleeping through an entire day. And I don't eat- hunger escapes me and I rarely think about eating anyway. I only leave my house if I absolutely have to and even making music brings little to no excitement.

I am shortly starting therapy, but I'm skeptical as to whether that will help. I feel as if I do not get help soon that I will lose it. I don't know myself right now and it is frightening.

I guess I'm just asking for some encouragement, or anything really.

Thanks...

Dear volatile,

Are you seeing a psychiatrist? Are you on any kind of medication?

Therapy and counseling will help but only with medication. You might have to keep trying till you find medication that suits you.

You will find a lot of support on this forum. I experience irritability and anger even though I am on medication. Bipolar is a terrible disorder to have.

Sheeba

Thanks everyone for responding.

To answer a few of your questions, I am not on medication but I am going to a psychiatrist for the first time starting Tuesday. I spoke with her on the phone today (the psychiatrist) and she seemed nice... My mother, however, has expressed that she really isn't keen on the idea of me being on medication, but would, of course, be open to a professional opinion. I am wary of it myself, however at this point I'll do anything not to feel this flighty...

tyno3, I noticed that you are hypothyroid. I found that interesting because I have been hypothyroid since I was born (My thyroid was actually underdeveloped and nonfunctioning at birth, so it was removed and I've been on medication since I was about two weeks old) My current dose is 125 mcg of synthroid, but that diagnosis has been a hardship in itself. For years, come to find out, I was undermedicated and have been flucuating dosages just to get myself back on track for a while now. Is it possible that my thyroid hormones could be unstable still, and thus triggering some of these feelings?
It's just a mere prediction. Because I have read a number of articles linking thyroid disorders with bipolar ones.

This is all a mystery. I hope it gets solved sooner than later.

Thank you all.

Well, I'm not really sure what to do. I had my first session yesterday. I told her about everything- my eating patterns, my mood swings, my sleeping patterns, my severe depression- even suicidal at times, being inexplicably hyper, poor concentration, social withdraw, lack of interest, and head/body aches. Then I talked about whatever I wanted to talk about. She asked me how I felt about medication and I said I wasn't sure, that I wouldn't totally disqualify the idea but wanted to give it a few sessions. She said that was fair. But the truth is, I'm afraid my mom won't understand or that she will think I am simply not trying hard enough to "figure it out" (she's not as mean as she sounds, i just dont think she knows how to accept whats happening) She is the one funding this care so I feel obligated to do things her way.