Could not go to work-Overwhelmed and sick

I could not go to twork today.  I have been very overwelmed and I got sick and was in the bathroom for 1/2 hours this morning and my stomach was upset.  I almost felt like I wanted to die.  Then I thought I could go to the hospital and tell them I am suicidal then maybe people would take me seriously and know how I am feeling.  Then I thought but if I was in the hospital the food sucks so I do not want to go there.  So I just sat of the sofa and cried then called my cousin.  I felt  this coming on when I got back from my weekend trip.  I always get depressed when I return and have to go back to work.  And I have a milion things I have to do, doctors appts.., etc.  With my ADD I really get overwhelmed because I have to work and I am tired metally which affects me physically.!I hate working and am only there because I have to.  I felt myself getting angry and agitated at small things.  And I crieid a few times and while walking up to the 4th floor because my knees hurt so much!  I know you are saying arn't there elevators? Yes, but I have clausterphobia and cannot ride alone. I do ride with others.  Some of my wonderful co-workers have told me just call them and they will come down but it is embarassing. I have been working for 38 years and I am tired of fighting!  I am just ready to retire. But I can't because my salar will plummemt to $12,000.00. I have overcome my mothers death when I was 27, I stopped drinking, I stopped smoking.  I am jealous of people  that do not have to work.  I have so many things that I love but do not have the time to do them.  Its the same old story from me; nothing new.  I keep praying.  Thanks.  You guys are really nice.

Thank you so much Sukay.  There is not much the pdoc can do.  Its not my meds because I know myself very well.  I know it is emotional. I go through this all the time.  Its like my brain just gets so overloaded I get exhausted physically and I cannot go out and I do not want to see anyone and I lie in bed. If I take a medical leave of abscense I will use up all of my leave and not have any for emergnecies. There is a leave donor program but I could not do that.  That will make me crazy because I like to be prepared.  I know what you are thinking boy these are excuses.    The only time was when I was out due to a huge tumor on my ovaries and was in severe pain before the op. and I was at home a total of a month and even though I had my stomach cut wide open (28 stitches) I was happier than I have ever been in my life because I was at home!!  But you do have a good suggestion and after I return from vacation I will call the doctor.  My husband even said leave now go. So I have one more day then I will go.  I have not taken two weeks in over 10 years.  Its always a day here or a few days there due to my conditions and it eats up my leave. I mentioned to someone that I do not have much sick leave and they could not believe it and said you work for the Federal government you should have tons of leave?  I simply said I am sick.  And if I were not the in FED gov I would have been fired a long time ago. I am thinking of going to another psychiatrist because mine tells me I am not bad enough to go on disability but I told her that if I did not work where I work with very, very understanding people I would have been fired long time ago.

Thank you very much for your imput.