I miss being unstable

It's been months since I've been on this site...

Reading some of these posts brings me back to my days of instability. It's horrible to say... but I miss it, I miss being unstable. Typical bipolar talk eh? I don't know what is wrong with me. Do I like to see myself suffer? Feeling depressed literally feels like an eternity away, though it always does. I always forget my episodes; how they began, how they ended--now I'm just on one med: Abilify, a great drug don't get me wrong...maybe too good of a drug--I feel like I'm just waiting for the day when things will turn and I'll feel like crap again, I have to wonder, is that what it will take to make me happy? I feel like I just can't stand it when things are too good, I thrive off of catastrophes and problems. I guess you can say that I'm some sort of a problem junkie, at least that's how my therapist put it. So I've stopped taking my meds for at least 4 days and have created the most erratic of a sleep cycle and still haven't really noticed a difference in my moods. I guess only time will tell.


I feel like such a horrible person wishing these things onto myself when just about anyone that's going through tough times right now would love to be in my position (stable)... I hope that no one takes anything that I say into offense or thinks that I'm selfish or anything, because there is a lot more to me than just all of this.

Regards,
Sher

Sher,

Please take your meds again. You only think you want a little chaos in your life. Once your mood destabilizes, you will be sorry.

What you need is something else to occupy your attention. If you're not working, what do you do with your time?

serafena

After 4 more days of not taking my meds, except for the occasional seroquel (I have some left over from when I used to take them) in order to induce sleep, I decided to go back on the meds. I was going to bed 3/4 AM every night and at the end of the 8 days i went into a manic episode where i went off at my friend for no reason whatsoever. I'm glad that I'm on the meds...but part of me still wonders what life would be like if they weren't in my system at all. Now I find myself depressed and dysphoric. I went to bed at maybe 1:30 AM (again only because I decided to take 2 seroquel and the abilify) and woke at 6:30 AM only to fall back asleep and miss my morning class. I'm so sick of sleeping, it's all I was doing when I was taking the abilify regularly. Half the time I'm not even tired yet still find myself crawling into bed because I think there are no other options. Like I said before, I feel down, not full blown depression where I can't eat, fulfill daily duties,etc. just really down. Should I just give into the feeling until it passes? Sleep has become such a hard thing for me...between not sleeping at all in the PM and doing nothing but sleeping in the AM, it's never been this bad before. I guess I just need to find some things to do around my campus, make friends, etc. it's just really hard for me. College isn't as bad this year as it was last year, but then again it's not winter yet...

Is it possible to be addicted to seroquel? I find myself dependent on it to sleep...never a good sign

Seroquel is known for weight gain. I don't know about Abilify, though.

thanks for the advice Serefena!

I take it for sleep, and only thing I have noticed is it makes me loopy, and sometimes yea I do see things that arent there, but usually nothing major, for some wierd reason I see feathers. But its nothing that keeps me from taking it at all. It makes me fall asleep within about an hour, so not long to have wierd probs with it, but for everyone it is different. Now sometimes it dosent work for me, wierd, but most times it wil. Good luck.