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Finances...such a screw up..what to do now?

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Posted 2/10/2010 5:59 AM (GMT 0)
Hello, well I just needed to get this out somewhere -- I feel so deflated and am hating myself. DH and I have been married 13 years, we have always had financial issues, we have always made decent money but somehow always fell short. when I look back we buy/bought allot of crap... well, I am a spender. I like to shop, not big ticket item, were talking salvation army, thrift stores. I do shop excessively though.

Well, this is the 2nd time in 1 1/2  years our power was shut off.... I seriously thought I had until Friday... My DH was so mad and screaming at me!!!! Keeping in mind we now have our own accounts (his choosing) I am on umemployment and bring home 300 a week. I am a full time nursing student though... 

with $300 a week I am to pay for CC debt, water, power, cell phone, internet, car payment ($330), dog supplies (2 large dogs), groceries - we always eat in, and anything other household items.

So, bills about $900, then $300 left for groceries.

now my husband... brings home $1200 bi-weekly after taxes so about $2,500 monthly.I up until march ALWAYS made 45000 k .. so this is tough for me. but also his only responsibilities are house payment 1,200, car insurance 135, = $1300...well rather than just dragging this out... sometimes I need to take money from his account to pay a bill - or like today the power was shut off as I am playing a close balancing act... I cannot talk to him het becomes outraged... he calls me names like liar, thief, LAtely I have been trying to hard to do it all right... I just feel like throwing up my hands.. I don't know what to do. He does not ,. not want to manage all the money. We did that once, it was ugly and he does not want to ne my "Keeper" I could go on and on... please.... does this stuff happen to anyone else? what do you do? AM I fighting an endless battle? Do I need to just end it all now? I'm tired of feeling this way. someone please give some suggestions...

Posted 2/10/2010 5:47 PM (GMT 0)
Hi smiling,

I can understand the spending impulse, I really can, but it sounds like you're doing your best to keep up and he's really not being supportive or pulling his weight. There are more ways to divide up the responsibilities of a family than half and half. And if he's giving you grief and being aggressive, then maybe he's bordering on abusive. Have you talked to a counselor or therapist recently? They may have some ideas about how to talk to him.

serafena
Posted 2/10/2010 9:21 PM (GMT 0)
As a former finacial screw up i understand where you are coming from. First thing first. Medication was the only thing that helped me get things under control. It allowed me to step away from those impulses and gain some control of my life. Now i am a fanatic for saving money to provide security for me and my family. To give you an idea im on respirdone (close spelling LOL) and it has allowed me control of all my bad impulses.
SO there is help.
Bill
Posted 2/11/2010 1:06 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks Bill.. I was taking Lamictal and I think it was helping.. however, not the way it should.
I had to stop taking it as I do not have insurance and it is terribly expensive. I am so tired of feeling like this - I just seem to keep repeating the same patterns over and over again... I ask myself.. what is wrong with you... yes, I agree my husband could be more supportive, but he must be over it? IDK.. I am going to call around to some places tomorrow and see if someone will see me even if on a sliding scale. I am still taking Prozac, Topamax, but I also take Phentermine for appetite suppressant and the pharmacist mentioned that with the prozac could lead to "seratonin overload"... ?
Wondering... As it is a stimulant could that create issues for me? I cannot believe I am admiting this but all day I have had these crazy racing thoughts of suicide.. even thought how/where - it kinda scares me.. I have not felt like this in a super long time..
My husband is being really mean to me... I don't want to be the victim... thank you guys so much for listening... and any advice is so helpful...
Posted 2/11/2010 2:37 AM (GMT 0)
I hear you on the racing thoughts and sucideal thoughts, i suffer thru them also. The racing thoughts i just do my best and let them run their course but the sucidial thoughts are a bit harder to deal with. I have to take an anti depressent to help with that, because it seems harder and harder to not dwell on it.
As for S.O. not helping you, i feel your pain there. My wife just isnt there, no matter what i do i cant seem to make her happy unless it involves spend large amounts of money on her. So i lean on my dog and cats, on reading books, working, things i can control. THings that cant dissappoint you over and over again. My wife says i treat my dog like a child, well in a way he is my only child. And he is allways there for me, no matter what. He never fails to greet me at the door like i am the most important thing in this world.
I am filled with possitive energy on an almost daily basis. That is what i like about my bi-polar the part i keep trying to keep.
If you need to talk keep posting here. We all are here to help.
Bill
Posted 2/11/2010 3:32 AM (GMT 0)
How about having an automatic payment plan for your regular expenses: such a house, car, power, water, phone, internet, and at least the minimum on your cc, so you at least do not have to worry about the late/shut off issues?
Posted 2/11/2010 12:28 PM (GMT 0)
An auto payment is a great idea.. I have tried that.. however sometimes it comes to the time when the payment is to come out and money is not in there... I do think I will sign into my bill pay and set everything up with reminders. Also, I get a large tax check next week, I think I will use part of that to catch up everything and keep it there...

Bill - that is interesting - I was thinking last night that I need to stop letting others moods/attitudes effect mine. I have 2 dogs that I love dearly and are like my kids... I also start school FT Monday.. so I guess I will have allot to fill my time soon. I think right now I am not working so the revolves around this house and my S.O. I used to work out allot.. I am thinking that might help me too.
It's odd, my S.O. seems happier when I am miserable... I keep saying this too shall pass, right?
Thanks again!!!!
Lisa
Posted 2/11/2010 12:28 PM (GMT 0)
An auto payment is a great idea.. I have tried that.. however sometimes it comes to the time when the payment is to come out and money is not in there... I do think I will sign into my bill pay and set everything up with reminders. Also, I get a large tax check next week, I think I will use part of that to catch up everything and keep it there...

Bill - that is interesting - I was thinking last night that I need to stop letting others moods/attitudes effect mine. I have 2 dogs that I love dearly and are like my kids... I also start school FT Monday.. so I guess I will have allot to fill my time soon. I think right now I am not working so the revolves around this house and my S.O. I used to work out allot.. I am thinking that might help me too.
It's odd, my S.O. seems happier when I am miserable... I keep saying this too shall pass, right?
Thanks again!!!!
Lisa
Posted 2/12/2010 1:52 AM (GMT 0)
 

   You know, i have been thinking about this for a while. And i do feel us BiPolar people tend to be more in tune and affected by emotions both negative and positive. I know for one when i am up an my wife is up than i am lifted even higher. Conversely if she is in a negative or miserable mood it drags me down and hurts me so much.

  Like i said i have come more and more to depend on the puppy to be there for me. I honestly can say that i will have dogs the rest of my life. Just that love being there day in and day out, never wavering, never judging, never critizing. It really does help.

   And hopefully filling your days with school will help you also. Having something to channel your energy and focus on can really help us tune out the rest of the noise in our life.

 And your very very welcome    Bill

Posted 2/12/2010 3:29 AM (GMT 0)
That is so sweet about your puppy... how lucky is he/she to have such a loving owner. I do have a 17 yr old son- he usually at his dads or out with friends or social events so I too like you have my "doggies" as I call them. They know my every mood... my routine, they have been my constant companions since I have been unemployed (almost a year now). People comment on how spoiled they are -- but they are trained, by hand and voice command. They eat a mostly raw diet... it's just funny...
I went to the dr's today, it was the neurologist. She put me right back on Lamictal, she loaded me up with samples.. she raised my Topamax and said they have found it is a great mood stabilizer too.. Soooooo... she gave me the disolvable kind, I took 50 mg at lunch, then up to 100 mg in a week, then up to 200 mg in 2 weeks, with 50 mg Topamax at night. I'm hanging on to Prozac for the time but she said it might be a good idea to wean off... I guess Lamictal has both mood stabilizer and anti-depressant properties. I am feeling pretty good tonight. Plus, I love to cook and I spent the night baking for a charity bake sale.. Thanks again.... and that mood thing.. so right on! I thought for some time it might have been a codependent thing then I realized it was more than that... I made a decision today... others peoples moods are not going to effect mine - my ATTITTUDE is one of the few things I have control over... :)
Posted 2/12/2010 5:53 PM (GMT 0)
YAY for you, im glad you had a good night doing what you like (I'll send you my address for the cookies u made, charity be darned. ) tongue turn smilewinkgrin
It is tough because we are so wired into our emotions that when we love we love really hard. And when we hurt it hurts really bad. I try to keep other peoples moods from affecting me but it is very hard.
My puppys picture is on this site https://www.healingwell.com/community/default.aspx?f=13&m=1669507
And yes, he is spoiled rotten and im glad he it.
Keep us posted.
Bill
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