New and Scared

I'm new here and I'm not sure where to start. I went to my doctors late last year and after a chat with me and my husband he suggested I am possibly suffering from Bi Polar. This diagnosis has not been comfirmed yet as I am awaiting an appointment to see a specialist. I have spoken to them as they sent me a questionnaire and I have been told I have been place on a high intensity course. I am very nervous about what is going to happen as Im too worried to look it up on the internet is case it scares me.

Im very worried all the time, I too scared to tell my family and friends about what is happening with me because I have a daughter with my husband who I love dearly and Im terrified if I talk to this specialist they will take her away from me or take me away from my family. Part of me feels this is a bit over the top but the most part of me feels that if I tell people what goes on in my head I'll be sectioned or something. I dont really understand what is wrong with me and when I tried to tell my mother what my doctor had said she immidieatly responded that I should stop being so silly, it was all my ex boyfriends fault and that I cannot be depressed as Im only 24. This really shocked me and this is partly the reason I'm too scared to talk about what I see, hear and feel because if my own mother reacts like this to me how will a complete stranger react?

If anyone can just help me with explaining what wrong with me or what happens when you see a specialist I would be most grateful and it would help with my fears. I'm sorry my post is so long but I really need help and Im really scared an dont know where else to talk to someone. I feel if anyone would understand and be able to help it would be other sufferers. Thankyou in advanced for any suggestions and your time in reading this post.

  For me, getitng diagnosed felt like a weight was lifted from my shoulders. I finally had a reason for the way i acted and the feelings i felt. It was very scary and familys are never very supportive of mental health issuses like they are, say cancer. But there are great support groups like here where you can get support from people who actually KNOW what you are going thru.

   We have all been scared, and after scared comes all the other emotions, anger, self pity (its not fair),  wishing it would go away, and finally at the end, acceptance. Once you accept that this is how you are hard wired, and that you didnt do anything wrong to get it, than you can move forward with living with this deseise. (bad speller here. sorry. )  Hell i'm a full time firefighter who has run into dangerous situations without a care, and guess what, at age 42 this still scares me silly. I'll take a burning building anyday of the week, because i know what it will do. My mind however, even with meds, is still stable only 80 percent of the time. 

   ANd i have preached this before, acceptance and viewing this not as a curse but as a blessing. If you are bipolar you will experience a natural high (called hypomania) that makes all the drugs out there seem lame. You will have great creativity, great passions will swing thru your life, you will feel and live deeper than most other "normal" folks. There will be bad days, even bad months and the odd bad year. But if you accept this for what it is there will be lots of good days, a bunch of great days, and a few out of this world days.

     I hope this helps you. Keep posting  we are here for you.

      Bill

   You are absolutly very welcome and you are in a place that really does understand where you are and where you will be. We are very supportie and i encourage you to jump in and offer any support you can to others. I really believe we help ourselves when we reach out and help others in need. 

  You are right, we cant point to a point on our body and say, i have a brokenn finger, i have diabeties, or whatever other disease or injury you can think of. You have to be born with it, and we live our entire lives with this, and we learn coping mechasisms without even realizing it even before we are diagnosed. People can sympanize with pain or a broken finger, but just as  a man can never understand what its like to give birth, normal people can never understand what its like to be us. And that is both a good thing and a sad thing for them.

   So hang in there and keep us informed. We are here most all the time, so if you need a hand just reach out. And also if you are having a good day post and we can all celebrate it with you.

  Bill

Tortoise 11 - Thanks you for your advice I think I will ask a few question I do have a friend who is a lawyer and it would really put my mind at rest to know they wont take my daughter away. My husband has told me numberous time that our daughter wont be taken away as he is a "fit" parent (before I completely lost it at what I thought was being called unfit mother he explained in "normal society") But he is not a lawyer lol so thankyou I will do that an see what comes back. Good things hopefully.

On the upside after getting a few worries out of my mind on here I would like to say that I am having a really good day so far I feel really good about myself, the sun is out, my daughter is a bull in china shop but we are having a great day and it feels so good. Thankyou.