Hi (waving) I'm new

Hi there yourself and welcome. We are a small but personnal group that is very supportive and nonjudgemental. (heck with this group there isnt much we havnt screwed up. LOL LOL) But we actually KNOW what you are going thru and living with so when you need to talk we are a good bunch of folks to bounce things off of. The med change will be rough, they allways are, but good luck and post here if you need some support.

Nice to meet you and look forward to hearing more from you.

BTW im the resident sexual screw up and suffer from daily hypomanic states (suffer some days, really enjoy it others.t )

Bill

Hello 32! I'm new too! This group has been very insightful so far. They offer a different lens. And Bill, while being a sexual screw up, has never hit on me lol. So his screw ups skew towards females lol.

What's the additional flavor?!?!?

She's a great artist! Very underrated in pop culture. I'll check out the track. But it couldn't have been as good as Baskin adding a new flavor mmmmmmmm! lol

    You have to be able to laugh at yourself, and boy did i do a lot to laugh at.  Lordy if we all got together to swap stories it would put penthouse, hustler and playboy to shame. LOL LOL LOL  

   Never had any interest in drugs or alchol. Maybe because i have so much hypomania its better than any drug out there. LOLL LOL  

   And yes i do claim that title. LOLLOL  and when i was manic even the sheep wernt safe. LOL

    Bill

 

  LOL I think we would scare way to many people with that post. LOL LOL LOL

   BTW ive been to ani DeFrancos studios in bufflo NY a few years ago. My wife is a fan and i was traveling thru and got to meet her. WIfey was WAYYYY jelous. LOL LOL LOL

  

     Bill

32, I think you opened the door, at least for me, to discuss some of the sexual stuff. I'd always overlooked my extreme hyper sexuality as "just being a guy" but now that I read some others thoughts (cough, cough BILL! lol) on my first week on this board, I see that that too may be a symptom of my disorder.

I was NEVER sexually or physically abused, or abusive in any relationship in my life so that can't be a culprit for my at times, excessive sexual thoughts.

The only way I could truly pin it on BPD on my sexuality is that the disorder has never allowed me to get close to anyone. It's like an endless sexual cycle. If you're getting it all the time, you want it more. If you're not getting any, you want it more! My last two psychologists have described the issue I came to them with as a life devoid of intimacy. I would agree! As much of my life has always been about the physical, not the emotional, when it comes to women. But its also true when it comes to relationships in general. The average person - not you guys - probably couldn't live my life with the solitude I confine myself to.

When I was younger, I'd take advantage of my job in the music biz to meet women using my magnetic (LOL) and manipulative personality to sleep with them. Unfortunately, they'd wind up really being in to me and the feeling usually wasn't mutual. To me it was just sex. And if it was anything more, it wouldn't last more than a few weeks. My interest waned fast.

As I got older I realized I was hurting people emotionally, and that was a burden to me I didn't want, and I might have also realized how low my normally sky high standards had gotten to just to hook up. So alot of the sex had to come to a screeching halt. The past 2 years have been pretty difficult. I think my "alone" time has been cause of some tendonitis in my arm (thanks BPD!) and I've even thought about **********s - though my moral fiber probably wouldn't let me do something that. I'd rather not spend any time in jail. It would be highly embarassing and my terminal to my job as well, if I were caught. I wish it were possible to find more disease free, rational people for just sex...without having to pay lol

I've always thought I've rarely been truly personal with anyone in life because there are just so few creative people blessed with what we have. I need someone to psychologically, intellectually, spiritually, and emotionally challenge to me if they're going to maintain my interest. But I think it might be time to add sexually challenging to that list of wants that I have in another person.

Bill, this was as clean as it gets lol. Thoughts from everyone? And as always thanks!

I to chose to view this as a gift, i mean "hey" i cant return this so might as well own this puppy and make it work for me. Are there bad days, HECK ya. But in general i have a lot more good days and what i call "truce" days than bad so i am lucky that way.

The sex thing (without being graphic, i am a gentleman) is my addiction of choice. Even now, medicated as i am, i would have sex two to three times a day with different women if it was possible. But with the meds i am more connected to my wife and others around me and therefore CHOOSE to be a good man an husband. I do feel a disconnect to many people, and it shows with my lack of friends. I am outgoing and friendly and will give you the shirt off my back, but i somehow lack that ability to "connect" with poeple in a way to form close frinedships. Thats why i love my dog so much, he accepts me for who i am and only wants love, food, and play. LOL LOLLOL
There is another thread on here from a woman whose husband is in the depths of a major mania/break with reality and sleeping around and doning drugs and just about every other bad thing he can do. She asked why, why why why is he acting that way. I said to her that in his mind it made complete sense. When i look back i know that my wife and i had a very interesting sex life together, (no gory details) and by that i mean VERY interesting . But it wasnt enough for me. Despite all we did and who we did it with it wasnt enough and i kept craving more and more and more. Maybe this is how adrug addict feels, one hit is never enough, two is better,a nd if two is better than 4 if twice as good as that. It completely spirled out of control to the point i was trying to run 3 affairs at the same time. (and when you consider that two of those affairs involved couples i was really on a roll) Enen thine it wasnt enough.
When my wife found out she blew her lid, and in my mania i goaded her again and again till finally she stabbed my with an corkscrew 5 times, the last three where to the face and neck. Even then i couldnt feel anything like concern over my actions, i was so buzzed out on mania it just wasnt registering.
I came down the next day and had a brief moment of clarity and saw i had a real problem. That I was the problem no my wife. With that in tow i got an emergcy appoitment with a PDoc and i got a good one. She listened to me ( i was in a hyomania at the time) and after 30 minutes of it diagnosed me right there. I started on abilify that day and that helped a bit. After a month she moved me to respirdone (which scared me) and it was like a weight was taken off my shoulders for the first time in my life. I came back to normal and was able to make progress in therpay and get back to being the good guy i allways wanted to be.

Like i said, sex is my drug of choice, and it can be just as destructive to a life as herion or crack. I'm just thankfull i had a moment of clarity and was able to (with a lot of help) save myself from a disaster of a life.

Bill

I think there's books in all of us! Truly I do!

Welcome Carrie, we're glad you're here. I'm glad you've found some help already. It really is a comfort to come here and talk to people who go through the same things I do.

Be well one and all,
serafena

Well, CARRIE!!!!!!!, hopefully you've enjoyed yourself here so far. For the first time in a while, even though its just online, I feel connected and have some shared emotions with people. It's nice. Like I said, I felt a huge relief when I wrote that post earlier about my sexual situations. So thanks for being an online enabler lol. Go Huskers!!!

Welcome 32 falvors, Very glad you are here and I was laughing my a** off at happy bill's replies he is so funny. He has been very supportive of me in my trying times helping me understand my problems and that I am like most everyone else on this sight. I too have struggled with every issue you guys are chatting about but my need for sex was always directed toward my spouse Just more intense with everything goes u know. When he became boring I found someone else who understood me and married him. Although my marriage was 8 yrs long and my next was 5yrs and my current is the best marriage I have ever had. He goes to any place I need to go to and realizes all my needs sexualy. He is most amazing when he found out what my darn problem was. We have researched together and he is very intune with my moods and is so amazingly understanding. He was just proud that I relized I had issues beyond my control and got help for it. We call oursleves the backward couple. We married on spur of the moment without rings only to purchase them after we married. We have been through hell and now that I am medicated we are in bliss. I was always coming at him upset about this or that now I find it's not that important and being happy is so much more fulfilling. he goes with me on my hypomania and loves every blasting minute of it. Although, he is expecting my down time we just take it day by day and love eachother through good and bad.

 You know cateyes brings up a good point. Once you realize what the problem is it is like a weight being lifted off of you. At least it was for me. Since i now know the beast i am fighting, i can better fight it and learn to live with it.  I'm sure cateyes husband is "SUFFERING" greatly from her excess sexual energy. I as a man i can honestly say i FEEL HIS PAIN. 

    I'm glad there are success stories on here also. I love to help those who are down and hurting but it doesnt hurt from time to time to hear good news for a change.

   Bill

Wow, I thought I was the only one to suffer this way, as happy bill knows I kinda "lectured" (kindly I hope) him about his sexual stuff.

I have the same difficulty. I am very ashamed of it, I am always trying to keep it in check. I totally understand what everyone said about not connecting sometimes ( I tend to make friends easy but lose them easy too). Cateyes sounds like you have a wonderful guy there, that's super. I kinda have to go it alone, my husband is supportive but so busy he barely has time for me. That's what brought me here, a desperate need to connect and be understood.

When I do make friends I tend to do everything I can to keep them happy and not tell them when I am mad. I am always so afraid to be alone and lose them.

I am happy that everyone in this post had the guts to say what they did about this topic. Very refreshing.

Christine