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Crash for today due to upsetting news

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Posted 4/8/2010 12:37 PM (GMT 0)
Hi everyone,


Yesterday I was going to post how great I've been doing for the last month, the Lexapro has been wonderful and suprisingly so far has not spun me into mania/hypomania, so I have been thrilled and enjoying every single minute of it.

My Mom has been going through some rough times. For the past several months she has been having a pain in her hip, and it has just intensified since before Christmas to the point where she can barely move or walk. They've done MRIs, a bone scan and yesterday she told me that they found a tumor in her hip bone on her latest MRI and she is being sent to the Cancer Clinic at the hospital I work at to have a biopsy done and I guess at that point they will be able to determine if it is cancerous? I don't exactly know how it works.............

cry When I was on the phone with her listening to her cry, I was strong for her. But after I hung up, the panic set in and has continued this morning. I have an extreme frown on my face that I can't seem to control (I don't know if any of you get that when you are deeply depressed???) and had a panic attack this morning. I feel like crying but I can't yet and I am just freaking out that my mind is going to that place of "what if I lose my Mom to cancer???" I am so beyond scared about this and have definitely crashed today. sad

Posted 4/8/2010 12:54 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Mogs,

Hopefully they found the tumor early. And is there a chance it could be benign? They will probably do a biopsy on it before they do anything. Unless it is what is causing her pain, then they might want to remove it whether it is cancerous or not.

Think of it as a good thing that they found it. Hopefully it wont be cancerous, but it seems that it is interfering with her walking at this point.

I had a growth on my shoulder years ago that was pressing on nerves and blood vessels. They thought it was a sarcoma and wanted to remove it immediately. When they went in all they found was what is called hyperplasia. Which is an over growth of normal cells. Just the surgery alone relieved the pain from it pressing on a nerve. So though they didn't find anything other than that, they relieved teh pressure.

Hopefully it will be something like that in your mom's case. Try not to worry ahead of time. Wait and see what happens when they check this out. I know that it is scarey, really scarey. But stressing over it will only make matters worse. Try to distract yourself from what is going on. Know that you and your mom are in my thoughts and prayers. And keep us posted as to what is happening.

I hope that you feel better as the day goes on.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 4/8/2010 1:21 PM (GMT 0)
Hey mogs (Yep, thats your new nickname) LOL LOL LOL Its ok to be scared and be upset. You were strong when your momma needed you to be and you will be again. In the mean time it takes time to deal with news like this. And since you are BP you feel emotions much more strongly than a normal person does. So take all teh time you need to deal with this and get ready for when your mom needs you again. I'm sure you will be a rock for her. And its ok when its your time to deal with this how you deal with it. If that means being bummed out and grouchy for a while than so be it. LOL LOL LOL

You will do fine.

Bill
Posted 4/8/2010 3:59 PM (GMT 0)

Mogs...

News like that would send anyone into a scare, but  it is time to gather your strentgh to deal with whatever lies ahead.  MANY times tumors like that are beign.  Your Mom nneeds you and doesn't need to feel like she needs to hide info from you to protect you feelings.  Find someone to talk out your fears.  I know you are anxious, which is an awful feeling  Try replacing the anxoius feelings with less threatening thoughts.  I have you and your Mom in my prayers.  Keep us posted.

Posted 4/9/2010 1:50 PM (GMT 0)

Thank you so much everyone for your kind comforting words of support. It really helped me a lot. I think tomorrow I am going to go home and visit my Mom. She called me again yesterday worried that she told me what was going on; she didn't want to cause me stress. I told her not to worry about that and we're going to stay positive through this.

I think she would be really happy to see me, so I am going to do that for sure tomorrow. I am trying to stay strong. I stll haven't broke down and cried; I feel like I'm not believing it's real or something.

Mood is definitely low again today. It's very difficult for me to be at work today; I just want to go home and go to bed.

Anyway, will post after the weekend as we have a broken computer at home right now.

Thanks to all of you again, many many hugs.

Mogs

Posted 4/11/2010 9:23 PM (GMT 0)
I am so sorry Mogs (((hugs))) It is definitely hard to deal with things like this, when you are also bipolar. You will get through this, and you and your mom can support eachother.
Posted 4/12/2010 5:43 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks michelle. I was supposed to go see my Mom this weekend, but since my bf was sick all last week, I have now caught what he has sad So I wasn't able to go. A bit of an update, she is being sent to one of the biggest hospitals in our province (we're in Canada) b/c her tumor is unlike others, apparently one in a trillion. That scares me. So there is an expert that is helping and we just have to hope for the best. Her biopsy is one week from today and we will know 8 to 10 days after that. If it's cancer, then she will be able to get treatments in the city I llive in which is a bit closer to where she actually lives. Her treatments would actually be in the hospital that I work in.

Anyway I am hoping it doesn't even come to that. I will post an update when we get some new. Meantime I know all of you are keeping me, my mom and my family in your thoughts and prayers.

I don't even know where my mood is now, I honestly don"t.

I hope you are well and everyone reading is having a stable day. Thanks again so much for the support. It means a lot.

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